The Assassinated Press

Deficit Projected To Soar With New Programs and Wall Street Says It Won’t Give It Back.
Halliburton, Dyncorp, Lockheed Martin, Blackwater/Xe Other Iraq War Profiteers and Thieves Say They Won’t Give It Back Either, Push for Funding for Afghanistan.
United Health Group Announces, “Here at UHG we would rather see the 48 million uninsured and the 36 million under insured Americans die in the streets like dogs rather than make our revered executives give up their obscene salaries and bonuses.”
“If the fucking American people don’t fucking like it they can enlist in my crusade in Afghanistan,” says Gen. Stanley McChrystal Just Before He Joins the Board of United Health Group. “Soon we’ll be drafting their stinking asses anyway.”
10-Year Estimate of $9 Trillion After Latest Round of Cheney/Greenspan Inspired Kleptocratic Looting. Looted Money Used to Buy Critics of President's Agenda. Sweet!
UHG Refuses to Provide Health Care for Its Employees.

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
August 26, 2009

After the latest round of Cheney administration inspired kleptocratic looting, the nation would be forced to borrow more than $9 trillion to support President Obama's initiatives and other federal programs including the military over the next decade, the White House said Tuesday. This is a sharp increase in projected deficits. This provided fresh ammunition to critics of the president's sweeping proposal to expand health coverage to the uninsured. In what would be criminal irony in any world other than bizarro-America, critics of the president’s policies are being paid by the very people who stole the money and created the deficit in the first place, so they can steal more.

De facto former President Dick Cheney was quick to deny the connection. “I don’t see the connection. Just because me and my felonious cronies at the CIA fomented an invasion of Iraq based on lies repeated at every turn and shit that would make the shit stuck between may ass cheeks smell sweet by any other name which has cost us trillions of dollars doesn’t mean we contributed to the Federal deficit. That’s just crazy talk. We just created jobs. Grave diggers at Arlington are working three shifts not to mention Baghdad.”

Likewise stock manipulator Rick Santelli disagreed with cause and effect when it comes to the deficit. “Fuck cause and effect. The Street ha s gone far beyond cause and effect. Our modeling is based on quantum paradox. The more unlikely it is that a derivative makes sense, the more likely it will work if we take our cut of the top and play with other people’s money. Americans are by and large losers, and because I stole from them I’m a winner. Fuck them.”

In their traditional summertime budget review, administration officials acknowledged that they relied on overly optimistic assumptions about the economy when they forecast in March that Obama's budget plans would generate deficits of $7.1 trillion over the next 10 years. After factoring in the severity of Iraq military expenditures and unbridled not to mention un-indicted contractor theft, the Great Wall Street Heist of 2007 and the prospect of a more theft to come in Afghanistan and on Wall Street, the White House concluded that the budget outlook is significantly worse.

White House budget director Peter Orszag played down the grim forecast as unsurprising give the utter lack of morality and ethics in American society, saying the update merely brings White House projections in line with those of outside experts like Satan. He noted that this year's deficit is now expected to approach $1.6 trillion even if there are no last minute trillion dollar heists by the kleptocracy-- the highest on record and the biggest as a percentage of the economy since the end of World War II, but slightly smaller than officials had feared. Wow! That was some robbery the rich pulled!

Kleptocracy Geared Up for a New Wave of Thefts.

Still, with town hall meetings across the country erupting with bitter complaints about rising federal spending with apparently know awareness of who created the deficit and current fiscal crisis and the fear of greater government intrusion into people's lives even though there was nary a whimper when these folks had their phones tapped by Dick Cheney, the new projections are not so much likely to complicate Obama's ambitious legislative agenda when Congress returns in September as much as new thefts on the part of the kleptocracy.

“If some people are such assholes that they will defend the very people that are fucking up their lives. I say let’s use their sorry asses to take more money,” former United Health Group CEO William W. McGuire told the Assassinated Press. “I live to fuck the little guy---and buy yachts.”

After seizing billions in taxpayer money and being signed up on the kleptocracy’s payroll, Republicans seized on the forecast, arguing that a nation so deeply mired in red ink that they created can ill afford an overhaul of the health-care system or help the poor and ripped off projected to cost as much as $1 trillion over the next decade.

“There’s a real antipathy to help people who can so easily be duped and ripped off,” Republican House minority leader John Bohner (pronounced Beau-nur) told the Assassinated Press. “Its hard to respect people who such lemmings and idiots much less share with them what we stole from them. Now, if your job was shilling and stealing for wealthy people from poor gullible people, what kind of a message would it send if you gave some back. You would be observed as being weak and the rich people who pay me wouldn’t like that none. Fact is, a lot of the people at the town halls are so stupid they don’t want what we stole from them back. There shouting keep my money fat cat! Keep my money fat cat! I think they’re so dumb it makes them feel rich by proxy.”

Unstoppable You

Although Democrats have vowed to pay for health reform with spending cuts and tax increases, the thefts under discussion on Wall Street alone for October 2009 alone would drive up future deficits by $240 billion or more.

"Americans are deeply shaken -- and increasingly angered -- by the explosion of spending and debt coming from the Iraq War and Wall Street felonies," said Rep. Paul D. Ryan (Wis.), the senior Republican on the House Budget Committee. "If we continue to pursue this policy the free market as the answer to every problem, it will cost Americans far more than the obvious burdens of ever-higher taxes, interest rates, inflation and debt. It will cost us the freedom to run our own lives. Fuck. It already has."

Added Rep. Dave Camp (Mich.), the senior Republican on the House Ways and Means Committee: "If the House Democrats' unaffordable $1 trillion health-care bill wasn't dead before, it will be after our next round of corporate theft."

Orszag said the president will press forward on health care despite the yawning budget gap, arguing that reform is essential to reining in the skyrocketing costs of government programs such as Medicare and Medicaid, which threaten to drive deficits even higher as the baby-boom generation retires.

"I know there are going to be some who say that this report proves that we can't afford health reform. I think that has it backwards," Orszag told reporters. "The fiscal gap is precisely why we must enact well-designed and fiscally responsible health reform now. . . . Given the long-term nature of that problem, we simply can't afford to wait."

Orszag acknowledged, however, that health-care reform alone cannot solve the nation's budget problems, only a moral epiphany the size of the univers ecan do that. He said deficit reduction will be "a top priority" when the president presents his next budget proposal to Congress in February.

A $4.6 Trillion Grift--and Counting

As the White House released its budget update, the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office released a similar report Tuesday, confirming the administration's projection that this year's deficit will soar to nearly $1.6 trillion, about 11.2 percent of the overall economy and more than triple last year's deficit of $459 billion when the theft in Iraq, Afghanistan, the dozen or so secret wars the U.S. is engaged in, Wall Street and the banks is factored in. Otherwise its fucking break even.

The chasm is almost entirely the result of the kleptocratic theft, the CBO said. The resulting downturn as more Americans called a refigerator crate home produced the sharpest drop in tax collections since the Great Depression and the biggest increase in spending since 1952, the height of the Korean War an part of the world where 37,000 U.S. still remained deployed and 56,000 contract workers work.

Still, this year's deficit is lower than officials expected, thanks in large part to reduced spending on the bailout of financial firms who wore themselves out counting their loot. The Troubled Assets Relief Program cost $133 billion this year, the CBO said -- about $200 billion less than projected.

Both the White House and the CBO said the recession should end in a few months but kleptocratic theft is here to stay so expect future rounds of hardship and destitution inspired by theft by the rich for the rich. The CBO credited the $787 billion stimulus package Obama signed in February with hastening the rebound. “The fuckers were intent on stealing it from somewhere. Its better than going to war with Iran.”

But congressional economists are predicting "a relatively slow and tentative recovery because folks are tapped and the rich won’t even provide them with the means to stay healthy enough to work." Christina Romer, chairman of the president's Council of Economic Advisers, said the unemployment rate is likely to hit 10 percent later this year and remain there through the first part of 2010.

As a result, government spending on social programs as opposed to the antisocial programs of the kleptocracy and their stooges will continue to soar while tax collections lag behind previous expectations. Deficits are likely to remain elevated even after the economy recovers, averaging more than $800 billion a year through 2019, when the White House forecasts that the annual gap between spending and revenue will be $917 billion if the kleptocracy continues to steal at the 2008 rate. “If they revert to stealing the way they did under Cheney/Bush all bets are off,” Romer said. “Then I’d fucking get and move to Mexico.”

Deficits of that magnitude would require dramatically more government borrowing from Henry Kissinger and China and other creditors like the folsk that stole the money in the first place, driving the accumulated national debt to nearly $23 trillion in 2019 -- or 76.5 percent of yearly gross domestic product, the highest proportion since 1950, the White House said.

As Planned Gap between U.S. and Third World Narrows as U.S. Indicators Plunge In Wake of Enormous Kleptocratic Theft

Chinese officials have expressed concern about the security of their investments in the hands of thieves like Larry Summers and Tim Geithner, and some economists fear that the appetite for U.S. Treasurys could dry up as the kleptocracy sucks the lifeblood from the U.S. population in an attempt to provide them with a standard of living in harmony with the rest of the third world. As a result, in tune with the kleptocracy’s long range plans, the government could face ever higher interest rates, further worsening the budget picture and threatening the integrity of the dollar. And the President may be forced to moonlight as a cabdriver or pallotti’s instructor.

Timing the News to the Rhythms of the Trough.

Given the more pessimistic moral and ethical outlook on Wall Street, the CBO also predicted larger budget deficits in coming years, increasing its 10-year forecast by $2.7 trillion. Because the CBO report analyzes the effects of current law and its impotence in the face of kleptocratic theft -- and does not factor in Obama's budget proposals -- it cannot be directly compared with White House figures. But independent budget analysts said a fresh CBO analysis of Obama's policies in the face of the criminal pathogolies of the kleptocracy would probably look even worse than the numbers Orszag released Tuesday.

The simultaneous release of the two budget updates came in a flurry of other economic news, including the president's announcement that he would reappoint Ben S. Bernanke as chairman of the Federal Reserve. Last week, officials also released some of the banner numbers from the White House deficit projections, fueling speculation that the administration was hoping to distract attention from the increasingly alarming fiscal picture.

"It's ironic that an administration that promised openness and transparency is playing a desperate and cynical game to hide these jaw-dropping deficit numbers from the American people. We’re not unreasonable. We just want to know how much will be there to steal so we can report back to the people who own us," said Antonia Ferrier, a spokeswoman for House Majority Leader John A. Boehner (pronounced BO-NER) (R-Ohio).