The Assassinated Press
End Rapes in the Military: Bring Back the Molly Mule.
Pack Animal Source of Much Comfort and Sexual Relief Among Early Imperialist US Forces.
By O.B. TRUDAT
The Assassinated Press
If the pentagon really means to fix the problem of sexual assault in the military, it must begin by re-introducing the Molly mule.
Female mules gave much sexual relief to the US Expeditionary Forces at the turn of the century. The animal’s big, beautiful brown eyes, long tails and manes as well as large pliant pussies provided perfect holsters for the meat mausers of horny Marines thousands of miles from their chubby gals back in Tuscaloosa or Bayonne.
Reintroduction of these traditional military sex partners could go far in relieving the sexual tension and subsequent perversion of rape in the military we see today.
Thousands of mules as well as goats and sheep could be housed for a fractionof the current military budget and provide a hot pocket to a randy enlisted man or lieutenant colonel. Chickens too as well as the occasional sow could be kept in camp bordellos for the enjoyment of the men.
Further, the chickens eggs could be harvested and the occasional sow slaughtered helping to defer the cost of the program.
Also, farm animals working as prostitutes work cheap. The chickens for example work for chicken feed.
Upon enlistment the randy young predators could list their farm animal of choice allowing the military to anticipate demand and cut costs.
The risk of animal to human infection is low though the reverse, human to animal infection, as you might expect from the species, is abnormally high among military personnel who have a predilection to rape human females.
Another bonus for the brass, animals rarely bring charges. During the Philippine Insurrection of 1900-1901 not one accusation of rape was brought by a female pack mule or Molly as they were known. And there are only three instances of male pack mules bringing charges against marines for sexual assault. All the charges were dropped and the mules involved were reassigned to Fort Elmer near Fort Benning, Georgia which was jokingly called the Glue Factory. Accusations of human female rape in the military get similar expedient treatment today.
Occasionally a marine will request that he be granted permission to marry his mule. Permission should be granted only in instances where the marine is male and the mule is female. Human male/mule male marriage is strictly forbidden in the Bible since Simon Peter fell in love with the ass Jesus road into Jersualem and eloped with it costing the Nazarene a 5 shekel deposit and the cost of the ass.
It has been doemnstrated that mule make excellent military wives. They are "more patient, sure-footed, hardy and long-lived than horses, and they are considered less obstinate, faster, and more intelligent than their military husbands."
The Case for Sheep.
Many US servicemen grew up fucking sheep. Sheep are lower and require less dick. Further, their pudenda most resembles that of a monkey or a human, giving the illuision of species to species contact.
Therefore, I recommend that the DoD look into keeping a flock of sheep on site and grant the personell 24 hour fucking privileges.
Sodomy pro and con.
Sodomy should be allowed but strictly controlled because it is the sexual act most closely associated with military service. In the military you have no say in who you are or what you do. The military assumes the position of a god head and the rank and file assumes the position of those being fucked in the ass by the god head. Therefore sodomy is a sacrament not to be taken lightly since sacrament shares so many letters with excrement.
Finally, a bit of advice: LADIES. DON’T JOIN THE MILITARY.
FUCK THE EQUALITY BULLSHIT.
AND FUCK THE PATRIOTISM BULLSHIT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
MEN WILL FUCK ANYTHING. EVEN WOMEN DUMB ENOUGH TO JOIN THE MILITARY.
THE ONLY WORD THAT CARRIES ANY FORCE IN THE ARMED FORCES IS TO ‘SERVE’. IN THE MILITARY YOU'RE A SERVANT, A SERF, A REPOSITORY FOR THE SEMEN OF CRETANS AND EMOTIONAL CRIPPLES.
THE MILITARY IS FULL OF IGNORANT ASSHOLES BY DESIGN. THE HIGHER UP, THE BIGGER THE GAPING, CAVERNOUS, ABSCESS FILLED ASSHOLE.
Donate a couple of Molly mules instead.