The Assassinated Press

Governor Walker Holds Press Conference With David Koch’s Cock in his Mouth.

The Assassinated Press

MADISON, Wis.--- Governor Scott Walker held a press conference on Wednesday that was distinguished only by the odor of David Koch’s cock on his breath. When he first appeared onstage he still had Koch's bribe-ilicious cock in his mouth. After mumbling a few words Koch removed his prick fromWalker's mouth. Walker then commenced a semen frothed litany of why the rich cum before the poor and middle class.

“Yeah, he fuckin’ had Koch’s cock on his breath,” Ohio Governor John Kasich told the Assassinated Press. “I’ve woken many a morning with Koch’s cock on my breath.”

“I usually brush for about two hours, floss and the gargle with sulfuric acid and holy water after I’ve sucked Koch’s cock,” House Representative Michelle Bachmann confessed. "I try not to appear on the same stage as Koch's cock unless he's going to pop me one up the ass."

As a consequence the first six rows of chairs at the press conference were empty as the media tried to escape the stench. Still some journalists were overwhelmed. Several fainted and many vomited like we usually do at their copy.

Veteran American war correspondent, Lara Loopy, compared it to rotting Iraqi bodies on the Basra Road after repeated American air strikes.

Governor Walker defended his breath saying, he “was proud to have had Koch’s prick in his mouth and equally proud to share the rancid stink with the rest of America.” He added, “I make no apologies for my political life. Oh, and by the way, I licked his balls too.”

There are no statutes in Wisconsin prohibiting a sitting Governor from either sucking the dick or licking the balls of a wealthy sugar daddy as long as the sucking, fucking and ball licking are consensual.

Cocksucking Replaces Handjob

“In this case, there is little doubt that the suck was consensual,” commented professional cocksucker and ball licker, Karl Rove. “Fuck, with lying, cheating, murderous assholes like us you can’t rely on a handshake. There has to be some sort of domination and symbolic bondage involved. Otherwise you couldn’t whip up a decent erection.”