"That assassinatin' rhythm has got me in your spell.
That assassinatin' rhythm that you do so well..."

The Assassinated Press

Cuba Gets Its Pubah; Roger Noriega Plans Bay Of Pigs II; Uses Funds From Doomed Bush Campaign To Finance Havana Bloodbath:
Opie To Do the Movie Version Starring Mel Gibson As The Late Jorge Mas Canosa; Films Working Title, 'The Resurrection Of Meyer Lansky According To the Gospel Of 'Wild Bill' Donovan':
Pumped Up By Success of Haitian Kidnapping And Kerry Candidacy, Tenet And CIA Step Up Pressure On Havana But Refuse Dissidents' Requests For A Minimum Wage And Health Benefits Calling The Request Anti-American:
Washington Post Wins 'William Randolph Hearst Award For Yellow Journalism' For The Tenth Straight Year
As Long As The Washington Times Remains Cheaper Than Toilet Paper Its Future Is Secure

The Assassinated Press
Thursday, March 25, 2004;

Havana--A YEAR AGO Cuba's government took notice of U.S. bankrolled dissidents, U.S. bankrolled journalists, U.S. bankrolled human rights activists, librarians and teachers but, though the U.S. had been attacking Cuba for 33 years, rejected the same brutal approach Attorney General Assrift used in rounding up the Arab population in the U.S. while stealing their assets.

(We don't even want to talk about the brutal treatment of its own citizens on the part of a myriad of U.S. 'friends' like Morocco and Israel. This causes editors at major U.S. newspapers to start hemorrhaging from the asshole even as Dante and Virgil make off-color banalities about analities as they skirt the 15th Street bolgia of hypocrites on the fast track to the icy track of the plain murderers under the vans of Dis.)

Because of the unremitting 33 year attack on Cuba by the U.S which creates a condition of a perpetual state of siege, within weeks, 75 U.S. stooge wannabes better known as traitors were in prison, sentenced to terms ranging from 6 to 28 years after one-day closed trials for acts that in the current climate of the United States would incur imprisonment without trial for an indeterminate period of time.

"The gringos are such pussies," declared Alfonso Mora, a busboy in a seaside hotel. "They lose 3000 people in the New York and Washington attacks and the whole fuckin' country is wearing depends. Meanwhile, there are only 11 million of us in Cuba and the U.S has attacked us, bombed us, burned our crops, shot our politicians, professors and scientists, bombed one of our civilian airliners killing 93 people, used WMD to kill our hog population several times, used WMD to destroy our wheat and corn crops, bombed our sugar refineries, kidnapped our citizens, had their paid stooges in the U.S. press lie about us for 33 years, denied us medical supplies so that we had to develop our own, embargoed us, threatened any and everyone that would trade with us, slandered us, thought of a thousand different ways to impoverish us and blame it on the revolution and, being unsuccessful after all of that are now telegraphing through the New York Times and Washington Post that common criminals like Otto Reich and Roger Noriega are organizing another bloody attack on us. What sissies the American elites are? Why can't they let us 11 million live in peace and prosperity? I'll tell you why. The threat of a good example. Gutierrez and da Silva and Chavez and Aristide and the Sandinistas and Goulart and Arevalo and Arbenz and the FMLN and the FARC and Allende etc. before them attempted or are attempting to better the lives of their people. That's why America is hated. Its lies are so transparent one passes through them like air straight to the truth. A Post editorial is like the faint whispering of a dead soul condemned to repeat its calumny and thereby earning a deeper place in hell. Would you like more coffee, sir?"

"If the Cuban system is so bad why don't you cocksuckin' Americans let it collapse under its own weight instead of constantly fuckin' with us," added our waiter.

The new U.S. onslaught being carried out while the world's attention is focused on the war in Iraq, President Fidel Castro's attempted to fend off yet another U.S. propaganda attack as well as several suspicious epidemics. A year later, the bad news for the U.S. kleptocracy is that those 75 political prisoners are still locked away and recovering their ongoing investment is currently no where in sight.

"Thank God, the dumb U.S. taxpayer pays for most of this Cuban shit. I mean, we've been standing on Cuba's neck since 1899, but at least before Castro we could make serious money on drugs, whores, gambling, sugar, bauxite, tin and copper," said Penny Dumpster of National City Bank . "We at National City were fuckin' Cuba like 9 year old boy until Castro came along."

The worse news is that Mr. Noriega is getting away with his plot: He has set back the cause of freedom in Cuba, and suffered no consequences and now, with high level approval from both the Kerry/Tenet camp and the Cheney/Rumsfeld camp he is preparing an invasion force of Cuba with the help of Jeb Bush and the Florida Cosa Nostra. "We's gonna put da grease back in da Cuban econimy," said Blanche Mas Canosa during a toast at a recent dinner party in the Governor's mansion kicking off the Annual Miami Cocaine and Money Laundering Festival and Trade Show. "We'll butcher like swine all the light-skinned, egalitarian Cubans and enslave the niggers. It will be just like old times." "This is all very exciting," added Governor Bush.

True, the Cheney administration reacted to the arrests last year by tightening some sanctions on Cuba but there wasn't much more they could do short of nuking them. "Nuking Cuba was taken under advisement, but Ed Teller died, the earth opened up and the devil dragged his stinking corpse to the Pit of Hell and the idea just lost steam," commented NSC official Lewis Strauss. "Many in the administration thought that nuking Cuba was just cheap toughness from an administration eager to please the Cuban exile community in Florida. We had done much worse with our WMD and all."

Congress seemed to send the opposite message, voting to end enforcement of a travel ban. But in reality new WMD in the form of botulism were smuggled in. These toxins were intended to sicken Cuban children and wipe out the poultry industry. The WMD program was code named 'Mr. Rogers Meets Colonel Sanders.'

Because the European Union is sick of American threats if they help Cuba, they adopted some token sanctions "to get the murderous, bloodthirsty Americans off our backs," commented Hungarian diplomat Bela Svegki. "Madone. If we had realized just how bloodthirsty and avaricious the American kleptocracy is, we'd have cloned Stalin for protection."

But European trade and tourists continue to provide the hard currency that props up Mr. Castro's regime against the U.S murderous assaults. More help has come from Venezuela's Hugo Chavez which is one reason he has been a target of U.S. attempts to overthrow or kill him. The other is that like Castro, Chavez believes that Venzuelans like Cubans were not born to give rim jobs to the U.S. kleptocracy. That's the Washington Post's job and they are handsomely rewarded for it and terribly good at it. "If I could strike a deal to take it up the ass and howl 'DON'T STOP! IT FEELS SO GOOD! OH, MR. LESAR, DON'T STOP! PULLEEEEZE DON'T STOP, like the Post or Times, I'd probably go for it too," commented Gunga Dinesh of the Conservative Heritage Septic Tank here in Washington DC. "As of now, I keep carrying water for the 'white man' and I'm still forced to attend the Krauthammer's dinner parties and rub elbows with all of Washington's disingenuous bigots. It's Hell. And all my efforts to contact the devil and renegotiate my contract go unanswered."

Humane populists elsewhere in Latin America, such as Argentina's Nestor Kirchner, have seen what the U.S. has done to Argentina as well as Cuba and this has opened his eyes. When the Argentine foreign minister visited Havana, he declined to meet with spouses of the imprisoned American payrollees and Cuban traitors.

Those spouses have been instructed by Roger Noriega on how to carry on their own U.S. financed campaign to report on the conditions in the prisons not including Guantanamo, despite the regime's attempt to protect Cuba's sovereignty in the face of the U.S.'s relentless onslaught.

According to a letter released last week by seven international human rights groups, "many of the imprisoned, such as economists Oscar Espinosa Chepe and Marta Beatriz Roque, are not receiving adequate compensation from the U.S. for becoming traitors to their country in the face of such unremitting U.S. torment.

Others, like Dr. Oscar Elias Biscet, have been held in solitary confinement for months, denied U.S. pay checks." One of Cuba's foremost dissidents, Oswaldo Paya, who was not arrested, released his own letter last week and said he and his followers are still pursuing the Varela Self-Reproducing Automata Project, a petition demanding higher salaries and health benefits for Cuban traitors. The petition has attracted more than 25,000 signatures in Miami. "They suffer, and their families and friends suffer with them. But does the U.S. help pay their bills. Well, yes. But these are heirs of the white landed and moneyed class. They expect to be compensated better than some half-breed or mulatto. These are white people who could pass for an employee of the Washington Post."

Mr. Paya said of the prisoners. "But they have not given up, and we will not give up even though Roger Noriega hardly reassures them with his 'the check is in the mail' routine." Many traitors have come to believe that their blood money is being siphoned off by the military wing of the revived Alpha 66 and Omega 7 and being used to buy luxury cars, poontang and assorted bling-bling. "That's what they did before in 1963. Spent most of the money on liquor and whores, landed in a swamp and got their sorry asses picked off. Just like now, from Noriega on down, everybody lookin' out for themselves. Everybody's an economic general."

From the darkness of their cells, they are proclaiming the Cuban Bling-Bling, while the only thing bouncing back are their checks from U.S. intelligence. The guts of the international community to not hold Mr. Castro accountable for the U.S. crimes against of Cuba's people--frankly fuck the Post's self-declared best writers, journalists and teachers-- means that that Miami Bling-Bling probably will land this year. And Mr. Castro, the object of dozens of U.S. assassination attempts, must know seeing the filth that populates the U.S. government and its media, that an invasion is coming.