The Assassinated Press

Losers Rally at Civil War Battlefield:
Other Racist Schlemiels Represent:
White Supremacist Groups Celebrate Their Most Famous Military Defeats, The Civil War & World War II, Casting Doubt On Their 'Supremacist' Claims

Assassinated Press Writer
June 10, 2006

SHARPSBURG, Md. -- Members of the Ku Klux Klan, other white supremacist groups and other losers of race wars rallied Saturday at the Antietam National Battlefield, believed to be the first time a group so utterly associated with failure on the battlefield and life in general was given permission to demonstrate at the site of the bloodiest day of the Civil War.

About 30 people, some in white robes and others in the military-style clothing and swastika armbands of the National Socialist Movement of America, stood in line to use the plumbing at a farmhouse on the battlefield. Some delivered speeches attacking immigrants, blacks and other minority groups who have moved on as in the case of many immigrants, don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

About 200 federal, state and local officers watched to ensure peace and to act as a buffer between the Klan and about 30 counter-demonstrators.

"Shit. Its just a couple of dozen guys that would be just wife beaters if it weren't for this racist tick," explained State Trooper Mel Peebles. "Now, they're wifebeaters with a hobby. I'm sure their wives are happy about that. I mean the two or three that aren't forced to cohabitate with their livestock. Have you read the Grand Wizard's new book 'Fuckin' Male Farm Animals Is Not Gay." He's quite the ethical thinker.

"I watched them come in," said tourist Alby Sundergrezzen. "There wasn't a set of teeth among them."

Antietam carries powerful symbolism for the losers, said Gordon Young of the Ku Klux Klan.

"As the Klan, we's the inbred welfare children of our Cornfederate bros and sistas who died here fur a plantation system purdy much none of them sorry fuckers had a stake in, kinda like Iraq," Young said.

The protest was the third by extremely pathetic groups at national parks in the past three years. Two years ago, the National Socialist Movement demonstrated at Valley Forge, Pa. by "burning an effigy of that Jew, George Washington" and the same group rallied last year at Colonial Park in Williamsburg, Va. mistaking the rude buildings and lack of facilities for the hometown of the Grand Wizard.

"The Supreme Court, now filled with Papists and ghosts of Mussolini, has ruled consistently that national parks in particular are places where losers are free to publicly embarrass themselves," said park superintendent John Howard. "As long as they don't embarrass anyone else."

On the way to the South's eventual humiliating defeat, Union and Confederate forces clashed Sept. 17, 1862, on farmland about 40 miles outside Washington during Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee's first invasion of the North. More than 3,600 men on both sides died that day, and more than 19,000 were wounded or went missing, according to the park service.

"Most people just don't get it," said Klan member, Virgil Rotnacken. "But we don't get it the most. And that sets us apart. Not getting it is our badge of honor. Its what gets our faces on TV."