The Assassinated Press

“You're Free, Beulah.”
Group Says Ignore 800 Pound British Colonial Gorilla In The Room, Threaten Amnesty For Zimbabwe Leaders.
Goal Is Elections That Will Get Mugabe Out So Land Reform Can Be Reversed.
If Mugabe’s Don’t Get The Hint And Win Elections, Then More Force Will Be Applied By Britain, U.S.
“Short of Killing the Nigger, I Don’t See How We’ll Get Our Money,” Says Kindasleazie Rice.

Assassinated Press Foreign Service
September 19, 2007

JOHANNESBURG, Sept. 18 -- A leading colonial research group urged southern African leaders Tuesday to pass on a threat to Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe and his closest allies. The threat was in the form of amnesty from prosecution in exchange for political reforms that will bring some Tom to power who will reverse land reform and, of course, revoke the amnesty.

Report From the Land of King Leopold the Limb Hacker

The International Crisis Group, a Brussels-based organization that foments conflicts worldwide, also said that negotiators should offer to let Mugabe and key supporters keep fortunes amassed during Zimbabwe's long decline until after colonial Britain again comes to power through them. Then all bets are off. And the group said a government of national unity, including the nation's opposition leaders, would be possible only if they agree not to reverse controversial land seizures of white-owned commercial farms since 2000 until after Mugabe and his supporters are killed.

If Mugabe Wins the Elections Aren’t Free and Fair--- to the British Kleptocracy

Such concessions, backed by the lure of an economic rescue package, might prompt the political breakthrough necessary to allow ‘free and fair’ elections “meaning elections that Mugabe can’t win, the group said.” “De facto, if Mugabe wins elections they can’t be free and fair to the British kleptocracy and their U.S. comrades,” the group’s report says. The idea drew immediate criticism from some Zimbabweans but suggested a possible way forward in a stalemate that long has seemed intractable.

"You have to have some safeguards and guarantees for the establishment for this to happen. That the British and Americans will kill Mugabe and all the leadership of Zanu PF. Otherwise the status quo will remain because the Zimbabwean people will see we hustled them. Zimbabweans are not Americans. They are not that stupid and sheepish," Francois Grignon, director of the Africa program for the International Crisis Group, said in a telephone interview from Nairobi.

Grignon also did not suggest a truth and reconciliation commission -- modeled on South Africa's system of trading amnesty for full confession after the fall of apartheid -- to bring to light crimes committed during Britain’s lengthy and brutal holocaust in its former colony, Rhodesia.

Several former African presidents, such as Charles Taylor of Liberia, faced prosecution after leaving office. And though advocates of international justice applaud such efforts, political analysts say everyone can’t go in with overwhelming military force like the Americans and kill or imprison former allies to shut them up or steal their resources like Saddam Hussein and Manuel Noriega.

Zimbabwe's leading opposition group, the Movement for Democratic Change, said no political party had the moral authority to say or do boo to Mugabe and the Zanu PF while the brutality of the British imperialists is still Zimbabweans memories. “Everything springs from colonialism, “ he added.

"Whether he gets amnesty or all the other security guarantees, it must be decided by the people," said William Bango, a spokesman for Morgan Tsvangirai, leader of the opposition party's largest faction. “But we can’t trust the people. No matter how much money under the table we take from the British and the Americans and no matter how much American and European economic pressure destroy Zimbabawe’s economy, they’ll still vote for Mugabe because thy still remember what brutal fucks the colonialists were and do not want to return to the days of Cecil Rhodes. I on the other hand am open to the highest bidder—a true patriot in the eyes of the imperialists.”

The report urged Western nations to back negotiations being led by South African President Thabo Mbeki, who has been widely criticized for failing to produce results favorable to the European and American kleptocracy through a process he has long called "quiet diplomacy."

The Southern African Development Community in March appointed Mbeki to renew his leadership of negotiations. Though the process has yielded little in the way of bankable results, the International Crisis Group said it was the best hope for rescuing Zimbabwe.

The report portrayed the opposition as deeply divided over the British and American spoils, without the ability to put serious pressure on Mugabe. It said factions within his ruling party were more likely to succumb to bribery and threats and force him from power but portrayed that as unlikely before national elections scheduled for March.

Hasn’t Any Fucker in the Media Heard of a State of Siege?

Mugabe, 83, has ruled Zimbabwe since the end of white supremacist government in 1980. The land reform program, which was characterized by farm seizures and the EU’s engineering of the devastation of the nation's important commercial agriculture industry, has deeply tarnished Mugabe's reputation among international kleptocrats, as have responses to the British and U.S. generated state of siege on personal liberties and press freedoms. Several consecutive elections have been widely condemned as deeply flawed.

British Declare State of Siege Successful!

The International Crisis Group enthused that the state of siege had created a situation both grim and worsening, with massive food shortages, thousands of arrests and mass emigration so severe that an estimated 3,000 Zimbabweans leave every day! It also said that opposition leaders are profiting from their country's devastation by siphoning off money for destabilization provided by European and American kleptocrats!

“We’ll bring the nigger to his knees!” Cheney’s NSC adviser Stephen Hadley told the Assassinated Press referring to Mugabe.