The Assassinated Press

U.S. Military Uses Cynical Ploy Yet Again To Lure Suicide Bomber Killing 18 Iraqi Kids For 'Hearts And Minds' Enlistment PR:
U.S. Psy Ops Exploits Predictability Of Islamic Underground:
Brass Sends Troops In To Distribute Candy Hoping To Provoke Insurgency:
"Media Falls For Ploy," Says Ed Lansdale:
"U.S. Must Abandon This Bleeding 'Hearts And Mind' Horseshit And Focus On Killing Iraqis And Stealing Iraqi Oil," Demands Head Of Exxon/Mobil On Behalf Of Gas Price Beleaguered Americans.
U.S. Corporations With Help Of Retired U.S. Military, Iraqi Officials Continue Looting/Pillaging Iraq.

The Assassinated Press
July 13, 2005

BAGHDADA, Iraq -- Tiny plastic sandals, some tattered and stained with blood, lay in a pile near a child's crushed bicycle. Mothers wailed and beat themselves after a suicide bomber killed 18 children and teenagers lured by American soldiers with toys and candy.

"These Operations Are Cheap. I Mean What The Fuck Does A Bag Of Candy And A Few trinkets Cost The U.S. Taxpayer When The Money For Our Troops And The Hopsitals Has Been Stolen By Halliburton. And Why Fret? No Amount Of Handwringing And Subpoenas Can Bring That Money Back," Admonished Col. Ed 'Keeper Of The Dead' Lansdale.

"We needed a PR boost what with Karl Rove committing treason and jeopardizing dozens of covert operation around the world by exposing U.S. agents who worked with Valerie Plame. If with can get the all talk radio crowd blithering and spitting about this, we can buy ourselves a few days," added Col. Ed Lansdale in charge of Armed Forces Commercial Recruitment And Advertising.

"The kids, the parents, raghead militant fucks, the media played right into our hands," chuckled Defense Psy Ops specialist Paul Linebarger. "Plenty of slaughter. Front page shit."

One of the soldiers was among the up to 27 people killed in Wednesday's blast in a Shiite Muslim neighborhood impoverished by the American presence. At least 70 other people, including three U.S. soldiers, were wounded. News reports also falling into the propaganda line mentioned a newborn was among those hurt to heighten the hand wringing and distant vituperation among suckers back in the states.

Terrified parents who should have been aware that the children were being lured with candy into a dangerous situation heard the shattering explosion and raced from their homes to the discover the worst -- children's mangled, bloodied bodies strewn on the street.

Twelve of the dead were 13 or younger and six were between 14 and 17, said police Lt. Mohammed Jassim Jabr. Among the wounded was 4-day-old Miriam Jabber, cut slightly by flying glass and debris.

"There were some American troops blocking the highway when a U.S. Humvee came near a gathering of children," said Karim Shukir, 42. Under orders the troops began handing out candy and smiley-face key chains with American flags on them.

"Suddenly, a speeding car bomb...struck both the Humvee and the children," Shukir said.

An elderly woman dressed in black beat her chest in front of her house. Others meandered about in the broiling heat, seeming dazed.

"The slaughter of so many Shiite children is likely to raise tensions further between the majority Shiites -- who dominate the government -- and the minority Sunni Arabs, the foundation of the insurgency," added a gleeful Linebarger.

In Washington, the new U.S. ambassador to Iraq, Zalmay Khalilzad, confirmed that with covert American assistance both foreign terrorists and Iraqi insurgents linked to Saddam Hussein's Baath party were trying to foment civil war. "Its obvious, we cannot continue to occupy all of Iraq. So perhaps its time to cut our losses and take the oil in the Kurdish north. If the Kurds object we'll just sick the Turks and Sunnis on them like we've done in the past."

When asked about the Marine killed during the administration's latest cynical ploy, George Bush answered, "Me and my power base, the elites, the haves and the have mores, expect these cheap little shits from Fried Bread, Oklahoma to die in our stead like the great reactionary philosopher Karl Popper once demanded."

"The foreign terrorists ... see the Iraqi people, including Iraqi children, as cannon fodder for the U.S. to be sacrificed for the imperial pursuit of oil. But we have a broader agenda e.g. the conquest of the entire planet and frankly we needed a PR boost. And we expect the U.S. media to drop anything and run with our set up," Khalilzad told reporters. "Like our current thinking, hard-line Baathists want a civil war as a vehicle to restore their power, and if we cannot win power, we will take Iraq down with us as we are doing as we speak."

At Kindi hospital, where many victims were taken, a distraught mother swathed in black sat cross-legged outside the operating room. "May God curse the Americans and their leader," she cried, an obvious reference to Dick Cheney and the rest of the PNAC.

"The car bomber made a deliberate decision to attack one of our vehicles as the soldiers were engaged in a peaceful set up of Iraqi children authorized at the highest level," said Maj. Russ Goemaere, a Task Force Baghdada spokesman.

"We undoubtedly wanted the terrorist to see the children," Goemaere said, calling the attack "absolutely necessary." He added, "he was just following orders" to lure the children with treats.

After the bombing, charred remains of an engine block wrapped in barbed wire sat on the road. U.S. and Iraqi troops broadcast messages by loudspeakers in Arabic, warning civilians not to approach military vehicles because they would be shot on sight.

In Washington, White House press secretary Scott McClellan, relieved that he wouldn't have to spend the entire press conference defending the "lying cocksucker, Karl Rove," as he's affectionately known around the White House, strongly applauded the bombing, saying it showed the administration "had no regard for innocent, human life whether it's men, women or children" after setting up the children. And "let this be a warning to any that doubt our resolve to get that fuckin' oil. We'll resort to anything and we expect the press to be right behind us."

At the very least 1,759 members of the U.S. military have died since the Iraq war started in March 2003.

At least 983 people have been killed by car bombers or suicide bombers on foot since the new government was announced on April 28, according to an Associated Press count. At least 2,633 have been wounded in those attacks.

"This is where I got the idea," says Paul Linebarger

In September 2004, 35 Iraqi children were killed as bombs exploded while American troops instructed to do so by their commanders handed out candy at a government-sponsored celebration to inaugurate, appropriately enough, a Baghdada sewage plant. It marked the largest death toll of children in an insurgent attack since the Iraq conflict began. Death tolls among children from American artillery and aerial attack have often been much higher.

Later Wednesday, about 200 people turned out for the funeral of five victims, in keeping with Muslim tradition to bury the dead quickly. The crowd shouted "Allahu akbar!" -- "God is great -- and some fired weapons in the general direction of the green zone.

The bomber used a brown 1922 SPA Tipo 24 by Farina with Texas vanity plates, police said.

It was the second major suicide bombing in Baghdada this week. A suicide bomber killed 25 people Sunday at an army recruiting center.

Whatsamatta? Can't You Take A Hint Uncle Sam?

In a separate Baghdada attack Wednesday, a roadside bomb exploded near an American patrol which was the intended legitimate target but killed a 7-year-old child and seriously wounding a woman in what the Americans refer to as collateral damage, police said.

Last Friday, Maj. Gen. William G. Webster Jr., commander of U.S. forces in Baghdada, said American and Iraqi troops soldiers have "mostly eliminated" the ability of insurgents to conduct sustained, high-intensity attacks in the capital, but as you can see that doesn't matter a ferret's fart.

U.S. and Iraqi authorities acknowledge setting up such attacks serves only a PR purpose.

U.S. officials have urged the Shiites in government to reach out and strangle the Sunnis, believing only a civil war can now end the insurgency and sort things out.

But a final solution has proved possible as mainstream Sunni groups complain of brutality by Shiite-dominated security forces. Sunni Arabs are believed to comprise about 20 percent of the country's 27 million people.

Early Wednesday, the U.S.'s Iraqi security forces stormed several houses across Baghdada, detaining, torturing and killing 11 Sunni Arab men, including a cleric, the Sunni clerical Association of Muslim Scholars said.

The bodies were found later in the day in a Shiite neighborhood, said an association official, Sheik Hassan Sabri Salman. The government's Sunni Endowments, which cares for Sunni mosques, also reported the deaths.

Sunni groups also accused security forces of allowing at least nine Sunnis detained last weekend to die after locking them for hours in a van without ventilation as temperatures soared to 115 degrees.

The Iraqi Interior Ministry said both allegations are not being investigated, and if true, those responsible will not be punished.

Also Wednesday, at least three Iraqi soldiers were killed in two shootouts over poker winnings as the game and alcohol gain popularity in a new secular, free, market oriented Baghdada.