The Assassinated Press

Obama Tells African Americans to Pick Themselves Up by Their Bootstraps Like Wall Street and the Banks.
The Rich Get Richer and the Poor Get Derision.

The Assassinated Press & Nostradamus News Corp.

NEW YORK - President Barack Obama on Thursday traced his historic rise to power to the vigor and valor of black civil rights leaders but most recently to his unbridled bailout of the financial industry, telling the NAACP that the sacrifice of others "began the journey that has led me here to pissing away billions of your hard earned dollars so that the kleptocracy can continue to live in luxury and your sons and daughters are left with no job opportunities except to join the military." The nation's first black president bluntly warned, though, that racial barriers persist.

"Make no mistake: unlike Wall Street it'll fucking cost ya. The pain of discrimination is still felt in America and this recent bailout will sharpen that pain," the president said in honoring the organization's 100th convention.

A Wink But Not So Much as a Nod to Reality

White House aides said the President had been working on the speech for two weeks. Obama urged African-Americans to be realistic about some of the difficulties they may face in the wake of his 10 trillion dollar bailout of the financial industry scuttled by Wall Street and the banks under Dick Cheney’s watchful and acquiescent eye. He told the assembled audience to remember that "your destiny is in your hands because motherfuckers you’re not a bank or a Wall Street brokerage."

"We've got to say to our children, Yes, if you're African American, the odds of growing up amid crime and gangs are higher, but keep in mind that it won’t be white color crime where you can steal billions and fucks like Cheney, Paulson and Bush will throw billions more at you. Yes, if you live in a poor neighborhood, you will face challenges that someone in wealthy gated communities will not have to face because we’ll bail out their asses. Just because some wealthy, heroine shootin’ Harvard legacy ahs several billion legs up on you, that's not a reason to get bad grades, that's not a reason to cut class, that's not a reason to give up on your education and drop out of school and travel around Europe sampling every neo-colonial vice known to mankind," he said. “Only the rich kids of the bailout freaks can get away with that. No one has written your destiny for you. Its all on video cameras in your schools, your parks and your streets. Hardly any fucking reason to learn to fucking write anymore. At birth, your life becomes just another grainy reality show."

What Kind of an Example Does the Bailout Set For the Kids?

"No excuses. No excuses I make no excuse for turning over your tax money to rich, thieving white folk," Obama added, verging off his prepared remarks. "You get that education. All those hardships will just make you stronger, better able to compete. And then you join the army because Dick and his little as poodle George have got us embroiled in a couple of permanent neo-colonial wars, one for oil and the other for an oil pipeline and ‘heron.’ Dig?”

Painting himself as the beneficiary in part of the NAACP's work but attributing his current success to mostly large campaign contributions from Wall Street, Obama cited historical figures from W.E.B. DuBois to Thurgood Marshall to explain how the path to the presidency was not cleared by these visionaries but by shits like Rahm Emanuel who sold the kleptocracy on the idea of a Black Clinton after two or three terms of brain dead morons like Reagan and the Bushes who nevertheless greased the wheels of the Savings and Loan heist and the felonious fall of Wall Street .

Obama's remarks, steeped in his personal biography as the son of a white mother from Kansas and black father from Kenya and bankers in New York, challenged the audience -- those in the room and those beyond -- to take greater responsibility for their own future because they’d need to after he and Cheney and Paulson had given away the earnings of future generations so that Rick Santelli, Dick Cheney, Joe Cassano and Larry Summers can skidmark $300.00 silk underwear. He told parents to take a more active role and residents to pay better attention to their schools because after the bailout the federal government had zero left to help.

The president said that in the current down economy brought on by his Wall Street contributors, blacks are suffering high unemployment and are afflicted with more diseases but are less likely to own health insurance because the Health industry lobby could be so financially persuasive. He said that the African-American child is about five times as likely as a white child to be sent to jail because the private prison lobby could be so financially persuasive.

Obama touted education as essential to improving the lives of all children except the very wealthy and their legacy snots. He said the state of schools is an American problem, not an African-American one and that’s why Americans of all colors wind up in the military.

"You know what I'm talking about. There's a reason the story of the civil rights movement was written in our schools. There's a reason Thurgood Marshall took up the cause of Linda Brown. There's a reason the Little Rock Nine defied a governor and a mob," Obama said. "It's because there is no stronger weapon against inequality and no better path to opportunity than an education that can unlock a child's God-given potential. And there’s no stronger weapon to thwart God and keep that inequality alive than an enormous government bailout of a gang of white, fantastically wealthy shits after they stole people’s money who scratched and clawed to earn an education."

"We have to say to our children, `Yes, if you're African-American, the odds of growing up amid crime and gangs are higher, but at least its not white collar crime. Yes, if you live in a poor neighborhood, you will not have two face challenges that someone in a wealthy gated community in their mansions do like where to hide the body after shooting their half brother to eliminate him from the will or which Lamborghini to drive to the Goldman Sachs CEO’s $38,000,000 th birthday party for his nine year old daughter." Obama said, returning from his fuck fest with the banks and Wall Street to his tough-love message familiar from his two-year, extremely well-funded presidential campaign.

Obama also pressed for NAACP members to encourage their young people to find new role models beyond sports or music strongly suggesting the military. “We’re gonna need bodies,” he told the audience. “And you fuckin’ rest assured Rick Santelli’s kid’s not going unless Rick wants him rubbed out.”

"I want them aspiring to be scientists and engineers building killing machines for the military; doctors and teachers sewing limbs back on, fitting folks for prosthetic faces and teaching them to grunt a few audible sounds so they can order at Popeye’s, not just ballers and rappers," Obama said. "I want them aspiring to be a Supreme Court justice using the law to confirm retards president. I want them aspiring to be president of the United States so someone can feel the joy of selling out beginning at age five. Its fucking almost genetic, this selling out gene. Just think, A cracker like Lyndon Johnson, Ronald Regan, Bill Clinton, Dick Cheney and I sharing the same sell out gene. Can I get a DNA test-ify?" To bolster his argument that it's within their reach, he cited his own biography, growing up with a single mother.

"I don't come from a lot of wealth. But with the bailout I’ll never have to worry where my next meal is coming from. I got into my share of trouble as a kid, but I knew enough to bundle those shares and sell them to the Puerto Ricans. My like could have easily taken a turn for the worse. But now with the help of the Cheney era thievery and my bailout I have the opportunity to make billions of other people’s lives worse. And goddamnit, I plan to make the most of it. Its not like you were going to take that lesson from the white folks any more than you pas NAFTA without a PR populist like Clinton.”