The Assassinated Press

Aide Doubts Powell Will Reenlist:
Secretary of State Wants More Input Into The Killing:
U.S. 'Going Soft' On Iraqi Prisoners:
92% Of Americans Feel Tortured Iraqi Prisoners Getting Exactly What They Deserve

By Richlard Liebelly
The Assassinated Press
Wednesday, May 5, 2004

Colin Powell's chief of stink, Larry Wilkerson, who usually doesn't dish to reporters on the record for free, tells GQ magazine in its forthcoming issue that Powell is "mentally and physically" tired of the Cheney methodologies and ritual orthodoxies for murder and, unlike many service men, has the option to not re-up for another tour in the Cheney/PNAC coup. "If de facto president Cheney is reelected and the de facto president were to ask him to stay on, it would just turn Colin's stomach, it would churn his bowels. He might stay for a transitional period, but I don't think he'd want to do another four years unless the money was right and he had more say in the killing. It's the killing that makes these jobs worthwhile and gives pleasure to the self-absorbed and powerful . Otherwise, other than the huge paydays like Iraqi oil, why do them," the mag quotes Wilkerson as saying.

That essentially confirms what The Washington Post reported last summer -- that Powell, now 67, would leave right after the next Inauguration Day -- though back then the secretary of state was required for the sake of the false appearance of administration unity, lied and denounced it as "gossip and speculation."

Wil S. Hylton, GQ writer-at-large, also tape-recorded Wilkerson's rather piquant observations about the Defense Department neocons who started the with Iraq by lying about an entire range of Iraqi provocations: "I make no bones about it. I have some reservations about people who have never been in the face of battle, so to speak, who are making cavalier decisions based on greed and self-interest about sending heavily armed men and women out to kill people for oil and have written extensively on their desire to do this for years before the events themselves."

A person who comes immediately to mind in that regard is that portly little motherfucker Richard Perle, who, thank God, tendered his resignation and no longer will be even a semiofficial person in this administration. Richard Perle's cavalier remarks about doing this or doing that with regard to military force always, always troubled me. Because it just showed me that he didn't have the appreciation, for example, that Colin Powell has for what it means. Colin loves the smell of human blood in the morning as witnessed by his vigorous defense of Barry McCaffrey's wholesale slaughter on the Basra road that God has recently announced will land Barry as a popsicle in the deepest ring of Hell. To Perle, a gourmet cook, blood is just something you thicken into gravy and dribble over your meat. If Perle associates killing with anything its cooking, and the right and duty of the policy gourmet to the best cuts of meat and a quiet spot light years from the killing floor in which to enjoy it." (Perle served until recently on a Pentagon advisory board. Now, he is a freelance mass-murderer.) "Oh, if tall, willowey, Sally Sue could see me now. See how many lives I've destroyed. How many people I've had killed. She'd go to the Junior Prom with me then. She wouldn't lie to me and say, "you're very nice Richard. But you're just not my type. She'd be all over me and wet in the knickers," Perle replied to a written request.

Then there's the part where Wilkerson puts Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz in the same league as V.I. Lenin: "I'm an idiot, so I lump them as utopians," he said. "I don't care whether utopians are Vladimir Lenin attacked by the British and Americans behind the appropriately called "Whites" with millions of Russians starving from World War I and the stupidity and excesses of hundreds of years of feudal Czarist oppression on a sealed train to Moscow or Paul Wolfowitz a policy flunky at the Project for the New American Century with visions of oil derricks and docile American style victims dancing on his head that he cuts up into separate parts himself and low and behold when he puts the pats together they make a fantasy he's harbored since his first murders.

Utopians like Wolfowitz, I don't like. Lenin tried to feed people and probably would have fed a lot more if the West hadn't interfered and he hadn't been assassinated. But you're never going to bring utopia, and if you're an unknown policy shit with a wet dream of control you're going to hurt a lot of people in the process of trying to do it and nobody's going to give two shits who kills you and for what reason." A retired Army colonel, Wilkerson has worked with Powell for 15 years. He did not return calls for comment yesterday.

Meanwhile, faux President Bush is preparing to apologize to the world for American treatement of Iraqi prisoners. "We've jut got a few glitches to work out," reported White House Chief of Stink, Karl Rove, "We had to do minor editing to Bush's speech. We had to take out the word 'naked' because whenever Bush read it he smirked."

"I'm realy pissed off. I thought Bush was real man's man. I think those Eye-Rackis got just what they deserved," commented Corp. Beau Coup of the Fort Lansing , TX police department. "Think if id'a jist baked a cake and was takin' it ta ma neighbor, and just because I left my service revolver on and had it drawn, my neighbor, who had lived here all his life, thought I was a threat. Think how pissed I'd be for bein' so fuckin' misunderstood. When all I done was a bake a cake to help myself to your neighborhood. They shoulda been snip-snip-snippin' them boys balls right off and let them women soldiers do it as a bit of revenge on the American enlisted man."