The Assassinated Press

Bill Frist Wins Josef Mengele Award For Second Year Running:
Dr. Frist Calls U.S. Torture Of Innocent Captives At Gitmo "Imaginative, Cutting Edge":
Durbin, Forgetting His Hannah Arendt, Absolves Low Level Prison Camp Personnel:
Frist To Star As Nazi Dentist In Remake Of Marathon Man

The Assassinated Press

STRATEGIC HAMLET, Tenn.--- Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, Cheney's biggest foghorn drowning out reports of torture at U.S. concentration camps, became the recipient of the prestigious Josef Mengele 'Angel of Death' Award for the second year in a row. The prize is awarded annually by the Americans of The Iron Cross centered in Steubenville, Ohio, a group made up of German and east European Nazis rescued by the OSS at the end of World War II and repatriated here in the U.S. Dr. Frist won the award for running flack for the Cheney administration on the torture and murder of innocent prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, at Abu Graib and elsewhere in Iraq as well as dozens of locations world wide, including Dick Cheney's bunker at the National Observatory and Bill Frist's 'secret room' at his Tennessee residence. Frist commented "I'm proud especially as a medical doctor to receive this award from such an esteemed group."

Rejecting Hannah Arendt's central thesis, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.) threatened Sen. Richard J. Durbin (D-Ill.) to apologize and withdraw his comments made on the Senate floor "or else." Durbin, who unlike Frist may have read Arendt's ideas on the "banality of evil" compared U.S. soldiers' handling of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to the actions taken years ago by "Nazis and Soviets in their gulags."

"The fuckers who are desperate enough to join the military while the elites openly ridicule them by cutting their benies are certainly banal enough to make Hannah's cut," commented Prof. Dwight D. Isendhowitzers a psychologist whose firm CogNaivete Science studies video game brain washing for the Department of Defense at The Paul Linebarger Institute for the Criminally Perverse.

Frist commented, "Hannah who? I've never heard of the cunt."

In a statement yesterday from Nashville, Frist said, "In our ranks at Guantanamo are murderers . . . many dangerous murderers. They are guarding jail cells where they belong . . . and not on the battlefields in Iraq and Afghanistan . . . or on the streets of Nashville, Boston, Miami or New York slaughtering hundreds of innocent Iraqis or culpable Americans and making more bad press for Dick and Don."

"I'm extremely unhinged by Senator Durbin's comments comparing U.S. soldiers' handling of prisoners to the actions taken by Nazis and Soviets in their gulags. I don't know who this Hannah cunt is, but we should gas her. Not one prisoner has been murdered while in custody at Guantanamo that I will acknowledge."

On Friday, Durbin, under threat of death, retreated from comments he made on the Senate floor Tuesday but stopped short of an apology. "I have learned from my statement that historical parallels can be misused and misunderstood when the other side is led by an ignorant fop who happens to be a world class torturer himself," he said in a statement. "I sincerely regret if what I said caused anyone to misunderstand my true feelings: Our soldiers around the world, and their families at home deserve our right out a page from Nazi Germany and Hannah Arendt as well as Theodor Adorno have done an admiral job explaining the nature of such behavior. If fucks like Frist and many Americans want to blow off torture and murder like its not happening, well that's just America being America, a place of superior delusion without the spine to own up to their own actions another quality shared with the thousands of Nazis who lived out their lives in Ohio, New York and elsewhere thanks to the reverence our government had for their commitment to genocide ."

Frist insisted on an apology: "I warn Senator Durbin to withdraw his comments and provide an apology or I will reprise my role in Marathon Man and rip out his molars." And he warned other Democratic leaders should also seek an apology, adding, "Durbin's truthfulness does not begin to describe the heinous nature of our country . . . and the stupid, bigoted men and women taking lives every day to defend that brutal ignorance. I can't imagine what tribulation God is saving us and our blackened souls for."