The Assassinated Press

U.S. Response In Iraq Inspires No One Except U.S. Planners In Tampa:
"We've extinguished so many 'hearts, minds and perceptions' over there when will we hit upon that majority left standing that loves us?"

Assassinated Press Writer
April 9, 2004

WASHINGTON -- With each new battle in Iraq, two things are tallied: How much of the potential oil revenue remains in Dick Cheney's hot little hands and how many Iraqis will have to be killed to maximize those holdings.

That observation by retired CIA operations officer and current chief of security for Halliburton, Milt Bearden highlights the U.S. kleptocracy's worst dilemmas: How to steal Iraq's vast oil and natural gas wealth without having to kill every man, woman in child in Iraq. "Fuck in the Nam, according to Secretary MACV Mc Namara and his generals at one point we were on the verge of killing every man, women, child and piece of livestock in the whole Southeast Asian theatre 10 times over. Of course, the numbers were pulled out of McNamara's puss hole but that didn't stop the resentment among the very Vietnamese we had come to liberate by forcing them into strategic hamlets isolated among free fire zones. I never could figure out why them little yellow buggers hated us so much just because we were out to kill them on sight literally on the doorsteps of their own fuckin' homes."

This week's siege on the city of Fallujah to capture suspects in the deaths and mutilations of civilian U.S. mercs brought condemnation even from one of the most pro-American members of the U.S.-picked Iraqi Governing Council who saw their corvee labor sliced to pieces by American heavy ordnance.

"These operations were a mass punishment for the people of Fallujah patterned after Rumsfeld's hero Adolph Hitler," Adnan Pachachi told Al-Arabiya TV. "These fuckers know I worked for the American devil's. They'll do a Mussolini to my face when they catch me. Thank god for Arab TV where I can try to save my skin by saying it was not right to punish all the people of Fallujah for the deaths of four hired guns and we consider these operations by the Americans unacceptable and illegal. I also feel a generous perk is in order from the Americans to me to keep me quiet. How about Britney Spears? I just can't help playing both sides. This is why the Americans chose me. Because I fundamentally lack integrity and remind them of themselves culturally and morally."

"I mean, I ask you America, what the livin' shit would you do if us Iraqis were invading and occupying your country. Wouldn't you stand and fight? Why should we be expected to throw ourselves prostrate before you? We are far more courageous than America's pick up truck patriots hiding behind 11,000 miles and the rhetoric of their drug dealing pundits," an Iraqi fighter, obviously very well versed in American culutre, told this camera crew.

And the U.S. bombing near a Fallujah mosque compound Was intended to only inflame more Iraqis, analysts said. The U.S. military says that they had hoped by repeatedly buzzing the mosque, the insurgents would fire on troops from the compound, making the holy site a legitimate military target. "We got 'em riled enough to fire on us. But if we hadn't we'd a cut up that mosque like a sheet cake anyway," offered Corporal Deek Irkwood of Plains Cow, Montana. But many Iraqis care little about those arguments.

The U.S. bombing "is the kind of response U.S. intelligence wants because the insurgents respond violently and because it alienates the civilian population, breeds further anti-American sentiment, and fuels resistance to the military occupation," said the Cato Institute's Charles V. Pena. "Right now. The CIA wants to gain ground against the PNAC. If that means helping to goad the U.S. State Department and military into bonehead moves who better to do that than the CIA as history amply informs us."

Of course, that can work both ways: U.S. intelligence who put insurgents and foreign fighters in harm's way can engender the wrath of them as well.

Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said this week that Iraqis must choose whose side they are on, the PNAC or U.S. intelligence. "They do have to stand up and say what they believe," he said.

"But after a year of occupation -- and billions of dollars in aid -- it's not certain that enough Iraqis believe in any of the myriad forms of thuggery or lies offered by the United States. Unbelievably, they prefer to be left the fuck alone. But that ain't gonna happen with all of that oil and natural gas. I mean we even fuck with Haiti over cheap labor. There just ain't no criminal class like the American criminal class. Its the Cadillac of criminal classes," commented Burke Ward IV from the Heritage Foundation.

No coalition effort in Iraq has been so prominent a failure as that aimed at winning "the battle for hearts, minds and perceptions," said defense analyst Anthony Cordesman of the Center for Strategic and International Studies in Washington in what amounts to the laugh track of the day. "We've extinguished so many 'hearts, minds and perceptions' over there when will we hit upon that majority left standing that loves us."

While "significant progress" has been made in spending billions of dollars on administration aligned 'security firms' or mercs, in the economy of rebuilding what we blew up and in puppet show politics, the U.S.-led coalition has somehow not convinced Iraqis that it has an effective plan for their future even though thy clearly see the "significant progress" for what it is, he said. "I'm bewildered. I also know by saying these things as though I actually believe them I'm opening myself up to the accurate appraisal that I'm a psychotic liar. But. The money's good. If people in the heartland only knew that you can easily make six figures in Washington by sounding like you're a nut all the while maintaining a reasonable tone, they'd flock here to sell their souls."

Occupation forces have tried unsuccessfully to fight the insurgency with one hand, while Trying to steal Iraqi oil and natural gas with the other and jacking off with the third

They've set up local councils, refereed between rival factions during the writing of new laws and tried to come up with a plan for turning sovereignty back to Iraqis while keeping 115,000 troops stationed there but most Iraqis still won't call Uncle Sam, Daddy.

The U.S. forces also have handed out tons of food after destroyng crops; vaccinated 2 million children after denying them access to medicine for 12 years; renovated 2,300 schools after blowing them up with aerial bombing often with the former students in them; started a new army, police force and other security agencies to oppress the people the way the U.S. wants them oppressed; and labored to push electricity, oil production and other sectors to higher than prewar levels in some areas so that revenues can again flow to Western countries and international debt holders and stockholders can get their money, U.S. Central Command says.

"In spite of progress to date, Iraqis are not yet seeing the benefits on the ground because it will be at least 50 years before western bill collectors are satisfied and by then there could be several centuries of new debt," Cordesman said in a report on the first year of Iraq nation-filching.

Noting the U.S. progress has been loath to pitch Iraq a crust of bread, he said that "helps explain why so large a U.S. aid program has so far had a limited impact on Iraqi attitudes toward the U.S. and 'hearts and minds.' It never reaches them. It just seems to wash up into the banks on the Grand Caymans."

Iraqis complain about persistently high unemployment, which fuels discontent among young men, making them more inclined to join the insurgency. The U.S.'s answer to unemployment so far has been to foment an uprising and kill the unemployed or train Iraqi cops and soldiers to do the U.S.'s dirty work which most Iraqis aren't buying.

Fuel shortages as oil is exported and widespread charges of corruption among elites associated with the U.S. occupation also have steadily eaten into goodwill, as has tension among factions fearing they won't get a fair share of power when the new government is formed.

Indeed, while recent surveys show a majority of Iraqis think life is better than a year ago when the U.S. was hurling ordnance into their living rooms, the majority still oppose having foreign forces on their soil -- 51 percent against, to 39 percent in favor because that's where the fucking ordnance came from.

One poll taken among Southern Baptists in Tennessee showed 42 percent of the Bible thumpers see the Iraqi invasion as liberation, 41 percent as a humiliation. Another poll taken in the Sunni triangle showed 98% humiliation and 2% liberation A poll of oil executives had 3% liberation, 0% humiliation and 97% who scrawled in the margin, "What the living fuck do we care what the Iraqis think." Or "The only good Iraqi, is a dead Iraqi."

Former Sen. Bob Kerrey told national security adviser Condoleezza Rice on Thursday that military operations in Iraq worry him so much he often feels like going out to the park and slitting some old man's throat just to begin his own healing process.

"I don't think we understand how the Muslim world views us," Kerrey, who sits on the commission investigating the Sept. 11 attacks, told Rice during her testimony. "I think the military operations are dangerously off track. And it's largely a U.S. Army -- 125,000 out of 145,000 -- largely a Christian army in a Muslim nation whereas I was in a largely Christian army in a Buddhist nation. What the fuck does that say about us Christians, Condie?"

Pena said if the situation in Iraq unravels, "the U.S. military will be faced with its own version of the Israeli occupation of the West Bank, where military action to suppress the insurgency creates more new insurgents -- and an endless cycle of violence. Or Vietnam where they just kick our butts out and tell us not to come back until we can act civilized."