The Assassinated Press

Three Generations In The Fossil Fuel Business Makes Bush Family Suspect In Recent Rash Of Hurricanes:
Fla. Hot Meal Franchise Is Biggest in FEMA's History; Meals Outsourced To Halliburton:
Halliburton/Kellogg Brown And Root Owned Home Repo Inc. Sweeping Through Florida Buying Up Distressed Properties For Pennies On The Dollar:
Department Of Commerce Seeking To Sell Florida For Scrap; China, Albania, Lockhead/Martin Show Interest:

Assassinated Press National Writer
September 28, 2004

FORT PIERCED THROUGH THE HEAD, Fla. -- Floridians were again settling into the discomforts of a post-hurricane reality: lines for bags of ice or a hot meal, no Monday Night Football, damaged homes that will take months to repair, a lazy and mystified Jeb Bush as governor trying to figure out how to pocket relief money, and stifling heat, damp cocaine and darkness amid widespread power outages.

The havoc caused by hurricanes Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne have prompted the largest relief effort ever undertaken by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. The Department of Commerce also announced the suspension of burning any more fossil fuels in Florida indefinitely as well as 6 other southern states to slow the effects of Global Warming which is widely held responsible for the devastation.

Governor Jebadebadoo Bush immediately renounced the plan and asked his brother to call in Air Strikes on suspected terrorist strongholds at the National Weather Service.

Jeanne's remnants continued moving northward Tuesday toward G.W. Bush in Washington and George Sr. in Connecticut. In central North Carolina, possible tornadoes spun out by the storm swept down parts of buildings, cut cable TV reception, flipped cars, temporarily halted telephone marketing fraud, and toppled trees, stopped the random arrests of black people, saved 241,000,000 people from dying of smoking related cancer and fucked up power lines as more flooding hit the drenched state. Tornadoes also destroyed buildings in South Carolina, where two deaths were blamed on the storm.

A confirmed tornado toppled trees onto a car and a house just south of Durham, N.C., Tuesday morning, according to the National Weather Service in Raleigh. No injuries had been reported early Tuesday.

Gov. Mike Easley declared a state of emergency for North Carolina and has activated the only 3 North Carolina National Guard soldiers left to help with storm response. The other 38,000 North Carolina National Guard members are permanently stationed in Iraq.

Hurricane Jeanne, the fourth storm to hammer the state in six weeks, has left behind a trail of death, destruction, frustration and a golden opportunity for a Bush family specialty---fraud.

"We're weary. We're tired. We have been doing this for more than 30 days," said Jay Clark, the owner of CYS Yacht Management and Sales in Fort Pierce, on Monday. "Preparation, then cleanup. Preparation, then cleanup. If the Bush clique tries to make hay out of this shit, there might be some real consequences. But then again we're such suckers here in Florida. After all, we elected the shitbag, didn't we? I mean, I just sell fuckin' yachts. I don't own one."

Tom Gallagher, Florida's top insurance regulator, believes Jeanne added $6 billion in insured losses to nearly $12 billion estimated from Charley, Frances and Ivan, for a total that beats the $15 billion tally from Hurricane Andrew in 1992, the world's costliest natural disaster at the time. At least 79 people have been killed by the four storms in Florida.

"These people are in hurricane shock and the hustlers are out there," Gallagher said Tuesday. He noted his estimate of private insurance claims for Jeanne does not include a high rate of flood damage, which is covered by a federal program another area where the government and the individual will be substantially conned by Bush Family inspired con men.

Insured damage figures, in current dollars, are approaching the $22 billion record for a hurricane season set in 1992 by Andrew and Iniki, which devastated the Hawaiian island of Kauai, according to Fitch Holdings, a British risk management agency. Overall damage is usually about double the insured total, experts have said.

"How could we leave that much loose money alone," said Bush family associate Richard Parry. "We'll figure out a way to steal most of that shit."

Jeanne killed at least six people in Florida during the weekend, bearing down upon the state with winds of 120 mph. Two others died in South Carolina as the remnants moved through late Monday.

President Bush asked Congress late Monday for more than $7.1 billion to help Jeb and other Southeastern politicians and their cronies to dig in. His third request for additional storm aid brings total possible funds to at least $12.2 billion. "The trough is full. Sooooeeee!," shouted Florida State Eminent Domain Counsel and Chairman of Home Repo, a home repossession firm, Chance 'Buddy' Gilliam.

Patience was in demand at staging areas along the state's central Atlantic coast, where volunteers from the Salvation Army and the American Red Cross passed out bags of ammunition and rolls of razor wire to help residents fend off run of the mill looters. "Oh the looters. They don't really bother me. I mean, in a regime of grand larceny like Jeb and his confederates, petty larceny ranks as conformity," said Dixie Krupp, Sheriff of Cabeza De Vaca County in Southwest Florida.

In Indialantic, a line of 40 Mercedes waited in the parking lot of a strip mall where volunteers loaded bags of Federal Aid money from a semi-trailer that arrived from St. Louis. Residents left homes without electricity to dine on hot plates of ravioli and corn and bottles of Snapple while the money made its way to the homes of CEOs major banks and CIA connected drug lords in Miami.

"It hasn't been a fun month for the average guy," said Louann Dowling, 40, of Satellite Beach, who picked up food and ice for her four children. Dowling said her husband lost his job in the telecommunications industry after Frances and she has had her hours cut back. "We're losing our home to Home Repo, but at least that lets us know the Jeb kleptocracy is doing good."

Florida is the first state to get pounded by four hurricanes in one season since The Lord unleashed his wrath on Godless Texas in 1886. Two months remain in the 2004 Atlantic hurricane season and the Florida kleptocracy is hoping for at least 2 or maybe three more highly lucrative hurricanes.

At the only Home Depot in Vero Beach, 75 people waited for tarps, gas cans and other supplies to begin repairing their homes before Home Repo begins taking possession. In a separate line, 25 people waited for generators on the promise that a shipment of 300 was on the way. But, unfortunately the generators were accidentally shipped to a warehouse on the grounds of the Governor's mansion where Jeb's brother, Neil, took possession of them and sold them to the Dominican Republic. "They're gone. What can I tell you?" Jeb announced at a press conference. "In a free market, you gotta be quick on your feet to survive. I thought you assholes loved Social Darwinism. Lately you been sounding like a bunch of Socialist whiney bitches."

In Fort Pierced Through The Head, Gladys Caldwell knew exactly how long she had waited for water and ice at a distribution station -- "two hours and 18 minutes" -- but could keep the waiting all in perspective. "Them's that got don't. Them's that don't do." The city's historic downtown area was marked by dangling power lines and flooded roads.

"I thank God that at least I have part of my house," Caldwell said. "Some people lost everything but my home entertainment center survived."

The unprecedented relief effort includes more than 51 FEMA workers spread over 15 states. Nearly 38 National Guardsmen were providing security, directing traffic, distributing supplies and keeping gas lines orderly while another 10,800 Floridians prepared to shove off for Iraq leaving their homeless families waving to them amongst the debris of their mobile home.

In Florida alone, relief workers have passed out at least 16 million meals, 9 million gallons of water and nearly 59 million pounds of ice at 59 cents a pound over the course of the four storms, all because of the country's reliance on fossil fuels. "SUVs have come back to bite us in the ass," said Ronnie Calcue who operates a Ford Dealership in Tampa. "And I ain't sold an Explorer all week. I should have had a hot meal concession up and running or somethin'."

Jeanne also caused more problems to two key industries in Florida: citrus and tourism. "It blowed all the grapefruit right up Jeb's ass," commented one environmentalist. "It was like God told the Governor. Here juice this motherfucker."

Florida citrus growers lost about half of their grapefruit crop during Frances. And with the ground soaked from previous storms, trees toppled more easily this time. Fruit was scattered throughout groves.

Orlando's theme parks closed for the third time this season during Jeanne, and many hotels along the Atlantic coast were heavily damaged. The IQ in the region immediately rose 8 points.

Earlier, Jeanne caused flooding in Haiti that killed more than 1,500 people as God called on the Cheney/Bush administration to return Aristide to the Presidency in Haiti. "Fuck. The kleptocracy stole anything of value in Haiti long before these hurricanes," insisted Governor Bush. "Shit, we taught the Haitian elite everything about thieven' we know."

The storm weakened after plowing across Florida, but brought heavy rain and fierce wind to the already-soggy South.

Nearly 1.9 million homes and businesses were still without fossil fuel generated power from Jeanne. About 40,000 people in the Panhandle were without electricity in the area hit by Ivan. Home Repo Inc., a subsidiary of Kellogg Brown & Root which, in turn, is a subsidiary of Halliburton Corp. has begun purchasing some 132,000 properties, both private homes and businesses, that because of lack of insurance are in default.

The Archangel Gabriel and the ghost of Rachel Carson contributed to this article.