The Assassinated Press

Angry Cheney Tells Leahy To "Go Fuck [Him]self."---So What?
Cheney And Supreme Court Tell Americans, Afghanis And Iraqis To "Go Fuck [Themselves]" With Ruling On Cheney Task Force Energy Industry Grifting Papers:
"Scalia wasn't just shooting ducks with Cheney, each duck was symbolic of the American citizenry." HCE
Efficient Negroponte Already Has Death Squads Up And Running In Iraq:
Ralph Noriega Caught Out Trying To Murder Hugo Chavez:
Ken Lay Set To Direct His Criminal Empire From The Slammer

By LOTTA HOOEY
Assassinated Press Washington Bureau
June 25, 2004

WASHINGTON -- Vice President Dick Cheney on Tuesday hurled an obscenity, 'Go Fuck Yourself', on the Senate floor to punctuate an angry exchange with Vermont Sen. Patrick Leahy as all senators gathered for their annual mug shots.

But the real obscenity came from the Supreme Court yesterday when it refused to require Vice President Dick Cheney to disclose the records of a 2001 energy task force he headed that endorsed more oil and gas drilling on public lands and a revived nuclear energy program without oversight and included invading Iraq and Afghanistan to steal their oil and natural gas while building infrastructure like pipelines, and making it clear that Halliburton was going to receive the lion's share of the spoils. As Daniel Drew said, "If the Lion's don't like it. They won't eat it."

The plan also included making Libyan leader Mohmmar Qadaffi a sweetheart deal to restart long dormant oil projects in that country and to increase political leverage by arming and financing rebel groups in oil rich Sudan. The assassination of Hugo Chavez and stealing Venezuelan oil was also high on the agenda using CIA drug bases in Colombia as staging areas. Also, under discussion were ways to subvert Russian oil dominance, explore for oil in Southeast Asia and weaken the EU's access to Caspian Sea oil without strengthening Turkey's position in the region and better exploiting the military success in the Balkans.

A confident yet pissed off Cheney stood at the top of the marble stairs leading to the Capitol and gave an impassioned speech to nearby tourists who had gathered to get a peak at the balding, feeble, 4 time heart patient; "Its about fuckin' time you people learned who ran things in this god forsaken country. Its the rich. I should know; I'm their stooge. And so are those nine whores over there retro black robes, all the more convenient to get your ass in the necessary position. Now, I'm sick of the Sierra Club, Michael Moore's sniping. And look at how you fuckers are dressed. You people better take your fate such as it is and shut the fuck up! We send you to Afghanistan to die for our oil pipeline, by god, you fuckin' go to Afghanistan and die for our oil pipeline! We send you to Iraq to die for our oil, natural gas and construction contracts, then you fuckin' go to Iraq to die for our oil, natural gas and construction contracts. And as Frederick Winslow Taylor said, 'No back talk!' I'm sick of the American people not uncategorically recognizing their betters except on E-Entertainment. You gotta know we take care of our own up here in money heaven. We've made at least two rich retards President. So if you don't want us coming down on you like we do the rest of the world, I suggest you shut the fuck up and do what the fuck we tell you to do."

The media immediately hailed Cheney's impromptu speech as one of the great documents of American democracy. Some House Republicans suggested that Cheney's words be attributed to Ronald Reagan and run perpetually on the message board at Times Square after a quick rewrite by the Public Relations firm Snatchem, Smackem and Killum. The White House rejected the idea sighting "the too much truth clause" in the Kleptocrats Bill of Rights.

During the normally collegial session where quid pro quos flow like the 20 year old Scotch, Cheney confronted Leahy to lodge a complaint about his recent criticism of the vice president over no-bid contracts Halliburton, a Houston-based oil field services giant, received for work in Iraq. Before becoming vice president, Cheney served as the company's chief executive and recent kick backs from his company to the Vice President have been called "obscene" and "bound to attract unwanted attention" by the SEC.

Leahy fired back, saying administration allies had tried to brand Democrats as anti-Catholic because Leahy refused to dress up like a nun and suck Cheney's dick at the Bohemian Groves in April. Cheney obviously still smarting at not getting his Maple Syrup State blowjob turned on his heels, saying "Fuck yourself" or "Go Fuck yourself," or "I still crave your Vermont chapped lips around my organ," according to a Senate source in a position to know.

David Carle, Leahy's press secretary, confirmed the exchange, but declined to say which of the two versions of the expletive was used as though it fuckin' mattered. "I think he was just having a bad day no hair day. I was kind of shocked to hear that kind of language on the floor," Leahy said in a statement. CNN first reported the exchange yesterday. "That's the way we all speak in private, especially when we're making fun of the American electorate. But we're supposed to button it up for the kleptocracy to keep the egalitarian ruse going by putting on public display as little hypocrisy as possible. It's tough."

Kevin Kellems, Cheney's press secretary, said, "That doesn't sound like the kind of language the vice president would use in public, but in private where there is a frank exchange of views that bald assed motherfucker will cram a pearl necklace of obscenities up your chocolate whizz way so hard you'll think somebody gave you a Ronald Reagan bronze bust enema."

But Cheney's real obscenity was hurled at the American, Afghani and Iraqi people. We all know that this current Supreme Court relishes the opportunity to tell people to go fuck themselves when it comes to keeping their handlers in the kleptocracy happy. Scalia wasn't just shooting ducks with Cheney, each duck was symbolic of an American citizen---a sitting duck. This reflects the average Americans current relationship to the kleptocracy. The slaughters in Afghanistan and Iraq are perfect examples of the average Americans powerlessness over the lies and greed of the kleptocracy. "Hey moron. Go die, so I can get even richer than I already am. That's my only message to you," reads part of Antonin Scalia contribution to the majority opinion.

"In the majority opinion of the court, the poor should die for the rich. And I'm citing long precedent in that, nigger," wrote Clarence Thomas for the majority. "What's with the lower courts? Are their envelopes light?"

Justice Anthony Kennedy, writing for the majority in the 7-2 decision, said the appeals court was reckless in concluding that it has no role in protecting the kleptocracy because the bribes at that level "ain't much" after The Supreme Court takes its cut.

"We note only that all courts should be mindful of the burdens imposed on the executive branch in any future proceedings," he wrote in the 21-page opinion. "If motherfuckers like Cheney and Rumsfeld don't protect the scams of their betters they're fuckin' dead and so are we." Kennedy told the lower court to "get with the program or he'd have Halliburton send some people down there."

White House spokesman Scott McClellan, executive spooge still visible around his lips and dripping from his nose, welcomed the ruling, saying that "the president should be able to receive candid and unvarnished orders from his handlers. But its far more important that John Q. Public not have its delusions shat upon Until mathematicians can accurately predict the path of a balloon when all the hot air is let out of the blow hole.

In 2002, U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan ordered Cheney to produce documents about the energy task force or provide a detailed list of the documents being withheld and the reasons for withholding them. Judge Sullivan died late last year in a fishing accident.

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