The Assassinated Press

Consider The Source: Hot New Lies Melt Rumsfeld's Polygrip!
Britain And US Warn Shi'ite Iran Over Links with Iraq's Sunni rebels. Yellow Cake, WMD, Iraqi Links To Al-Qaeda Anyone?:
Administration Supporters Ordered To Enlist Immediately At Nearest Recruitment Center:
300,000 Volunteers Needed Without Delay To Defend Our Freedoms Against The Iranian Threat Whatever Karl Rove Decides It Is.:
"Shit. Iranian Oil Money Spends Just As Good As Iraqi Oil Money," Cackles Dick Cheney From VIP Nuclear Fallout Bunker #640, 5 Miles South Of Death's Door, New Mexico.:

The Assassinated Press

Pentagon, Bunker 61A, 2.6 Miles Beneath The Earth's Surface, Rumsfeld's Private Dining Chamber---Britain was ordered by the U.S. to formally protest to Iran yesterday over its growing interference in Iraq's internal affairs by working with the Shi'ite majority by accusing the Iranians of smuggling sophisticated explosives that threaten to send coalition casualties soaring although it is the displaced Sunnis and so-called foreign elements that are decimating U.S. and British forces. When asked about this apparent inconsistency, Secretary of State Terror, Donald H. Rumsfeld replied he didn't think "the American public was capable of making such distinctions so it was perfectly useable agitprop."

The move came after British and American intelligence officials fabricated evidence that Iran's Revolutionary Guard was providing deadly "shaped" charges to their hated enemy, Iraq's Sunni insurgents. Pentagon spokesman Richard Boucher said, "You wouldn't have expected the American government and corporations to have supplied the Nazis with war materiel. But they did. George Bush's granddaddy Prescott was a great fan of the Nazi's and tried to help them every chance he could."

Does Rumsfeld Mean Iran Is Arming The Shi'ites For The Ongoing Civil War In Iraq? Does Anyone Know What Rumsfeld Means? Should Rumsfeld's Press Conferences Come With Subtitles That Translate What He Says Into What He Means Or Thinks He Means?

In preparation for a prolonged aerial bombardment of innocent Iranian civilians intended to inflame the hatred of Americans for them because if freedom loving America is bombing them, by golly, they musta done somethin' wrong, Donald Rumsfeld accused Iran of smuggling weapons into Iraq. They are also thought to be providing training and other weapons.

A statement by the Foreign Office said: "Any Iranian link to armed groups in Iraq outside the political process, either through supply of weapons, training or funding are unacceptable and undermine Dick Cheney's long-term interest in securing a stable and anti-democratic flow of Iraqi carbon based fuels to the West."

"Am I drinking more these days? You betcha," Secretary of State Terror, Don Rumsfeld

Iran had given "many public undertakings" to improve border security, fight terrorism and "not to interfere in Iraq's internal affairs" whatever the inebriated Secretary of State Terror meant by "undertakings."

Consider The Source

Rumsfeld also accused Iran of smuggling weaponry. He said: "It's notably unhelpful for the Iranians to be allowing weapons of those types to be crossing the border. I mean. We didn't smuggle shit. We just ran it up Iraq's ass. And we're still doin' it. So the fuckin' job of being 'unhelpful' am taken by me and my cronies and the 148,000 morons that we shoved out in front of us to take the bullets and bombs." This created problems for the puppet Iraqi regime, coalition invaders but not for the international community that's enjoying watching Uncle Slimy get his fanny spanked yet again. "And ultimately, it's a problem for Iran," Rumsfeld said. "Really, What are they gonna do with the bottom third of Iraq?"

Asked if that amounted to an implied threat, Mr. Rumsfeld said: "I don't imply threats. I just fuckin' bomb 'em on any pretext you whores in the press core bend over for. You know that. Boucher. Myers. Start passing out the KY jelly."

Ahistorical Rationalism And The Role Of The Press

The Anglo-American decision to go public on the issue indicates that London and Washington are again collaborating on a new set of lies. In a prevarication reminiscent of the Iraq is supporting al-Qaeda scam, the British and American press are ratcheting up the slaughter quotient by gumming the official line of "If Iran's Shia leadership has thrown in its lot with Iraq's Sunni-dominated insurgency, coalition forces will face a nightmarish task in restoring a semblance of peace to the country."

Ahmadinejad: "My Free And Fair Election Is Another 9/11. An Excuse To Invade, Retake Iranian Oil And Murder Women And Children."

The development also raises the possibility that Iran's newly-installed hardline president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, realizes there is nothing he can do to stem an American/British attack and that his winning a free and fair election in Iran forms the very pretext of another invasion just like 9/11.

With a number of former Iran-contra figures in the region, coalition casualties have been rising in recent weeks, in part it is believed because of new and more sophisticated explosives like the ones introduced by the CIA into Central America in the 1980's now known as "Reagan's Golden Shower Reign." In one incident last month, three British troops died in a roadside bomb attack in Amarah, north of Basra. In another last week, 14 US marines were killed by one of the new devices near Haditha. Both incidents resembled attacks on the Sandinistas set up by Richard Secord and Oliver "Belly Button Account" North.

To deflect attention away from an MI5, Mossad, CIA connection, British intelligence sources, who wish to remain anonymous under the mistaken belief that they can hide from God, said there were indications that the devices are "increasingly being designed and built in neighboring Iran and then transported to Iraq".

American and British officers say the new bombs are similar e.g. "they go boom", to those used by Hizbollah fighters against the Israelis in southern Lebanon.

"These are among the most sophisticated and most lethal devices we've seen since Elliott Abrams, Dick Armitage, John Negroponte, Adolfo Calero, Felix Rodriguez etc. were funneling money down to John Hull who ran the contras so-called southern front. With the emphasis on the word 'front'." an American officer told The New York Times. "This is at least as serious as Iran-contra, so I guess if it turns out to be more American war profiteers, everybody's protected and everybody will walk."

"A well-placed shaped charge is like a beautiful woman," Ted Shackley used to say. "Both are designed to concentrate the effect of their explosive power in a small area so that you feel like you can penetrate up to several inches of armour as you set the charge."

A British intelligence source said: "Give me just 1lb of C-4 explosive in a crudely-packed shaped charge and I'll pierce seven inches of steel, That's how much ordnance and high explosives have become a substitute for sex for me. The larger quantities of explosive that have been uncovered recently have the potential to cause significant damage, but nothing compared to what we and the wanks have."

Iran yesterday denied that it was smuggling arms. "Consider the source. Rumsfeld is trying to cover the US mistakes in Iraq,'' said a foreign ministry spokesman.

"The American leaders are under pressure from the international and regional public and the Iraqi Muslim people and to justify their failings they invent a fictitious enemy," he said. "Besides, they are getting their fannies spanked because they are so enamored of taking our youth prisoners and spanking fannies. It is truly a deplorable culture."

Five American soldiers were killed in Iraq yesterday, including four by a roadside bomb in the northern town of Baijifour. Iraqi police suggested that their vehicle was struck by one of the new type of explosive and saw a man fitting the description of Iran-contra figure Adolfo "Alfalfo" Calero fleeing the scene. An eyewitness identified the bomber as having "acne craters on his face large enough to fake the Apollo landing."