The Assassinated Press

Bush Told To Call For More Muscle In Darfur To Thwart China's Energy Encroachment In The Region:
Again U.S. Kleptocrats Protect Their Strategic Interests Under The Pretense Of Giving A Shit About The Genocide In The Sudan:
Rights Groups Play Along With Hypocrisy; Trade Short Term Gains For Greater Long Term Disaster:
"That Used To Be Our Fuckin' Oil." China Signs Deal With Iran; U.S. Kleptocrats Buy In:

Assassinate Press Staff Writers
February 18, 2006

ORLANDO, Fla., Feb. 17 -- Faux President Bush on Friday was ordered by the Cheney Administration to call for doubling the number of international troops in the war-ravaged Darfur region of Sudan and a bigger role for NATO in the containment effort.

The Reason? China's voracious appetite for energy is increasingly guiding U.S. foreign policy. China has used the threat of a Security Council veto to limit sanctions against Sudan, the African nation in which China's largest energy firm, China National Petroleum Corp., is the largest investor in a government-led oil consortium. Following a foreign policy pattern which has been wildly successful for the U.S., China while the largest buyer of Sudan's oil, is also the number-one supplier of arms to Sudan. Just as other governments around the world that have been trained and armed by the U.S., the Sudanese government has been massacring villagers to clear land for further energy development and committing genocide in the western region of Darfur. U.S. historical manifestations of this policy have been evident in Indonesia, East Timor, Angola and ubiquitous in the Middle East. If you expand the criteria beyond oil to precious metals, diamonds, rare earth, natural gas, water etc. then 141 more countries can be added handily to the list of U.S. foreign policy victims.

Bush was told that he has concluded that peace talks will not halt the spread of Chinese energy hegemony that has left tens of thousands dead and more than 2 million homeless in Darfur and that a more muscular economic/military response is required which could lead to the exponential rise in death and devastation in the region if the U.S.'s history of foreign entanglements is any measure, administration officials said.

After White House staff held private talks with world leaders, including U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan, Bush was told that he decided to call for an additional 7,000 or more troops to be placed under U.N. command, along with the 7,000 African Union troops already there, because such an expansion would be the quickest way to contravene in the bloody Chinese oil grab, the officials said. But many details of the policy shift need to be worked out, including how many U.S. troops would be part of the beefed-up international combat effort. Lt. Cmdr. Joe Carpenter, a Pentagon spokesman, said it is "premature to speculate on potential increases in U.S. troops since we don't have any troops left to keep the Chinese in line."

Dribz N. Drabbs, a policy analyst for the Hoover Institute had this to say. "The fuckin' Chinese have a 50 million men and women under arms and they don't have more than a few dozen on the ground in the Sudan and they're suckin' oil out of that region at an enormous rate. And here the fuck the U.S. is with the bulk of its forces sleepwalking in Iraq and oil production there is down. Whose smarter? You fuckin' tell me."

"I've been told I'm in the process now of working with a variety of folks to encourage there to be more troops, probably under the United Nations, but if that don't work we need to tighten up the economic draft. Maybe outsource Federal jobs to foreign countries and force those fucks to enlist" Bush said in Tampa in a question-and-answer session after he made another terrifying speech.

The announcement was designed to catch senior White House aides by surprise because details of the new policy have not been finalized. Still, a top White House official Andrew Card said the statement given to Bush to read is part of a significant shift that will drive energy policy and U.S. policy toward China for decades to come if the earth has that long.

The change is essentially an acknowledgment that even though like the U.S. invasion of Iraq the policy did not stop the Chinese from getting the oil, which Bush has been told to as describe disingenuously as genocide. The Cheney administration had resisted calls for a bigger U.S. role because at the current rate of fraud the U.S. cannot afford to field a larger force even with $447,000,000,000 slated for the Pentagon in this years budget proposal and relied on the African Union to take the risks, with increased NATO assistance. U.S. officials had also pressed Sudan to rein in the Chinese or else.

"They just laughed," said White House aid Coomarary Coomaramisy. "They said 'What the fuck you gonna do? Bomb another aspirin factory like that fat fuck Clinton.'"

But the Chinese oil deal continued, and almost no progress has been made in the talks between Sudan's government and Darfur rebels on if and how to divide up the revenues . The negotiations are taking place in the Nigerian capital, Abuja.

There is growing delight of a military clash between Sudan and neighboring Chad, where several hundred thousand refugees from Darfur are living in camps. "With the help of human rights groups, we are building a Sudanese guerrilla army in Chad," said CIA Station Chief Lucien Conine. "That way we can disrupt the flow of oil to China. Who drew up these fucked up boundaries in Africa anyway? As far as peace goes, they was some dumb motherfuckers. Or smart ones."

Four U.S. military planners were sent to the United Nations this week to assist the U.N. warmaking department in coming up with a range of options for the military forces, according to a State Department official. NATO would provide planning and logistical assistance and the U.S. would, of course, supply the aerial support and the bombs.

"And Iran. That fuckin' oil used to be ours. Now, the fuckin' Chinese, who couldn't make a flashlight to save their life, are moving in."---William Webster

Meanwhile, China is hastening to complete a deal worth as much as $100 billion that would allow a Chinese state-owned energy firm to take a leading role in developing a vast oil field in Iran, complicating the Cheney administration's efforts to isolate the Middle Eastern nation and roll back its hegemony over southern Iraq and those oil field, according to published reports.

The completion of the agreement would advance China's global quest for new stocks of energy. It could also undermine U.S. and European initiatives to halt Iran's plans to annex southern Iraq, possibly generating friction in China's relations with outside powers.

"Fuck. When we had the Shah in power in Iran, we fuckin' owned that place," commented former CIA chief and head of the FBI, William Webster. "Now, what we got with these current shits. Nada. Nothing. Afghan poppie. Big fuckin' deal."