The Assassinated Press

Tea Party members burn their Medicare/Medicaid cards at Sioux City rally.
“I don’t give a shit if the Koch brothers are a couple of spewing tailpipes my bigotry has fitted me and families my mouth around. As long as they’re white and they're Christian.”

The Assassinated Press

Several dozen attendees at a Tea Party rally burned their Medicare and Medicaid cards in a sixties style anti-war defiance of Obamacare and the overreach of the Federal Government.

After keynote speaker and Americans for Prosperity spokesperson, Donna Poole, read a fiery message from Tea Party financier Charles Koch extorting the crowd to burn their Medicare and Medicaid cards, Poole raised her card and lit it with small blowtorch. The crowd of some 600 Tea Partiers roared their approval.

Charles Koch’s ‘message’, largely a rehash of a 1956 speech his father, Fred Koch, gave before the annual meeting of the John Birch Society, was filled with patriotic flourishes, racial slurs, anti-Communist rhetoric and folksy bromides. Most of all Koch urged the crowd to abandon all government largesse and “learn again to stand on your own two feet. Don’t let that nigger in the White House push you around!”

“Daniel Boone did not need health insurance,” Koch’s message exhorted the crowd. “Davy Crocket did not need health insurance. General Custer didn’t need health insurance. Trust in the Lord!” Ms. Poole cried mouthing Koch’s words as the crowd roared to its feet and several dozen seniors rushed the stage standing in line to torch their health care cards, some in wheel chairs and on oxygen.

Some in the crowd went so far as to burn their private health insurance cards, driver’s licenses, marriage certificates, birth certificates, credit cards, food stamps, doublewides, tattoos, underwear, lottery tickets, spouses, sister wives, kids, pets, bibles and cash because the bills had hated figures from the Federal Government depicted on them.

As one Tea Party member explained, “I’m burning my cash because it has that nigger lover, Lincoln, on it. Or that fucking Yankee, Grant. Or that fag in a wig, Washington. They should put Reagan on the fifty so that Indian hater on the twenty, Jackson, doesn’t feel so alone.”

When asked why he burned his family bible, Marsden Bornavictim, of Fort Shithole, OK said, “I don’t want there to be nothin’ left to render unto Caesar Obama. And I don’t give a shit if the Koch brothers are a couple of spewing tailpipes my bigotry has fitted me and families my mouth around. I don’t give a fuck if they’re the Apocalypse. As long as they’re white and they’re Christian.”

The Conestoga Fantasy

Then someone shouted "Let's tear up the federal highway we came up here on. I'm sure the Kochs will be anxious to build us a new one made of gold for all the help we've given them." Yeah. And I got a bypass I want to sell you.