The Assassinated Press

Shi'ites Take Huge Chunk of Baghdad While U.S. Military Continues Sex Romp With Iraqi Prisoners:
In U.S., Prisoner Sex Sells While Al-Jazeera, which U.S. brands an enemy, has not given prison scandal as much play:
U.S. Votes Itself "World's Most Self-Righteous MotherFuckers" Again:
Tom DeLay Protests Flood Of Gay Marriages Between U.S. Forces And Iraqi Prisoners:
Rupert Murdoch: "Sexual Military Inyourendo Great For Ratings."
William Kristol: "U.S. Torturers Childish; My Children Are Constantly Stripping Other People And Leading Them Around On A Leash."

May 10, 2004

It was a hot sex scandal and the American television networks were reacting predictably. U.S. service men and women fondling Iraqi prisoners and performing sado-masochistic sex acts with them. Move over Marquis de Sade her comes the new king of perversion, the Marquis de Rumsfeld. And Americans couldn't get enough putting the kiddies to bed early and masturbating through the night to the uniquely lurid photos.

Last Thursday morning, after the tabloid Washington Post published more sex photos of Iraqi prisoners stripped naked and humiliated at the Abu Ghraib prison, the major networks were pushing the throttle, so to apeak, by the time the evening broadcasts came around.

CBS News' Dan Rather teased viewers: "President Bush finally dries himself off, but will he hump or dump Defense Secretary Rumsfeld for fist fuck photos?" Tom Brokaw in the opening seconds of NBC's "Nightly News" framed the events starkly naked: "Control!"

FOX took the sensationalism even further referring throughout its broadcasts to American military personnel at Abu Ghraib as foreign 'sex workers' the same designation given appointees in the Executive Office Building."

But what about Al-Jazeera - the puritanical Arabic-language satellite network that has been branded sexually repressed and an enemy of open U.S. sexual moraes by none other than the liberal tease, Bill Mahrer who gives faux radicals blue balls weekly on HBO.

Just the day before, Faux President George W. Bush had declined to give an interview to Al-Jazeera on the Abu Ghraib controversy and instead sat down with its direct competition, Dubai-based Al-Grabiya, and the U.S.-backed 24 hour sex channel, Al-Hurrey Your 30 Minutes Is Up, run by the Hilton Hotel empire.

Unlike U.S. TV that had Americans spooging in their autos to panting, detailed graphic reports of humiliation of Iraqi prisoners, Al-Jazeera seemed to barely glance at the Abu Ghraib story on Thursday. Instead, network anchorman Hafez Al-Mirazi began his talk show, "From Washington," with a quick mention of the Abu Ghraib scandal before going live to a Rose Garden news conference with Jordan's King Abdullah (although the scandal was discussed at more length much later in the program). Al-Jazeera's major nightly hour-long broadcast, "Today's Harvest," anchored by Jomana Namour, began with King Abdullah's Washington visit. The show's Abu Ghraib story, which followed, lasted a mere two minutes or so. By comparison, Terry Moran's report on ABC's "World News Tonight" ran almost twice as long, until nine inches or more. "Terry went right down on this story and sucked it dry," said ABC's President Alex Wallau proudly.

Different interests

There are differences, to be sure. Al-Jazeera has repeatedly aired photos of Iraqi civilians slain in crossfire - and most recently broadcast a series of photos of dead children in Fallujah that would have sent most Americans into spasms of sexual orgasm.

It frequently telecasts man-on-the-street interviews with Iraqi civilians, who regularly "castigate" the American "invaders" which most Amreican viewers hear as castrate either out of ignorance or a repressed desire to fuck Paul Wolfowitz.

It refers to Palestinian suicide bombers as "martyrs," while the word "terrorist" is never employed by the network. Instead, terrorist acts - such as the recent murder of 191 Spanish civilians - are referred to as "acts of violence."

The network has regularly aired audio and video messages of Osama bin Laden, but it also regularly - indeed, compulsively - provides coverage of Bush's videos too. "If we're going to call it the Osama channel, we might as well call it the Ninny administration channel, too," he quips.