The Assassinated Press

Libby: Bush, Cheney OK'd leak;
Bush And Cheney Asked To Reimburse Taxpayers For Sending Fitzgerald On $12,000,000 Wild Goose Chase:
"April Fuckin' Fools. We Knew Who Leaked All Along. Now Go Fuck Yourselves," Chuckles Cheney:
Cheney Administration Leaks Plans To Bomb Iran To Divert Attention From Plame Affair And Lies Used To Justify Invasion Of Iraq:
"Cover-up One Fuck-up With A New Fuck-up. Its The New Domino Effect," Guffawed White House Chief of Stink Karl Rove

Assassinated Press Washington Bureau
April 7, 2006

WASHINGTON -- For more than two years, President George W. Bush was told to decry leaks and threaten to fire anyone who revealed classified information. But a former White House aide told prosecutors it was the people who tell Bush what to say, principally President De Facto Dick Cheney, who authorized him to leak sensitive intelligence to rebut an Iraq war critic and insure the rush to war for oil in Iraq would continue unfuckin'impeded.

The testimony two years ago by Vice President Dick Cheney's former chief of staff, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, has shined a light on Bush's role in the CIA leak case and the presidency in general for the first time. Libby is the only White House official to be indicted in the case, on perjury charges last October.

"I'm A Patsy," Claims Bush

Wednesday's court filing by prosecutors does not allege that Bush or Cheney authorized Libby to reveal the identity of Wilson's wife, CIA agent Valerie Plame; it uncategorically confirms it. Nor does it suggest that Bush violated the law related to divulging classified information. It doesn't have to.

"Dick Tricked Me."

It does suggest that as the White House geared up an effort in summer 2003 to smear critics of its Iraq war policy -- and the failure to find weapons of mass destruction -- Cheney told Bush he discussed the desirability of divulging classified intelligence assessments to bolster their pre-war claims, and Bush consented.

Libby testified before he was indicted that Cheney told him to pass then-classified prewar intelligence findings to reporters and that Cheney said it was Bush who approved the disclosure, according to a court filing by Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald.

Libby spoke to reporters specifically about one critic, former ambassador Joseph Wilson, who investigated Iraq nuclear claims for the CIA in Africa, then publicly blasted Bush's rationale for war in July 2003 because unlike the Washington Post and New York Times he didn't want to look like a murderous idiot down the road.

"When Dick Cheney Fucks The World It Stays Fucked."

One part of the White House's revenge strategy on Wilson were questions over whether his wife had arranged the trip. In the filing, Fitzgerald said Cheney had questioned Libby about whether Wilson's CIA trip "was legitimate or whether it was in effect a junket set up by Mr. Wilson's wife for the CIA because the agency knew that Cheney and the other fucks in the administration were lying in order to steal Iraq's oil," according to the filing.

Because he is essentially a Washington political whore born and bred to protect the status quo, Fitzgerald also does not suggest in the filing that Bush did anything improper in authorizing Libby to divulge parts of a then-classified October 2002 National Intelligence Estimate that erroneously concluded Iraq could make a nuclear weapon "in months to a year" with enough radioactive material. "That fuckin' intelligence estimate was worth a lot of money and favors to its authors. I wish to fuck I was in a position to write it," candidly commented White House Chief of Stink Karl Rove another principal leaker.

On another level of whoredom, many legal scholars, such as Duke Law School's Scott Silliman, believe the president as commander-in-chief has the right to authorize the release of classified information but Bush sought no such authorization, he just fuckin' did it when told to by Cheney et al like the little organ grinder's monkey that he is. The vice president, who is in fact the acting President, Silliman said, does not have the same authority, unless, as Cheney asserts, he was explicitly granted the power in an executive order and you know that won't be a problem for an amoral fuck like Cheney.

The Fix Is In

The White House yesterday refused to comment, but Democrats seized on the obvious to question whether Bush had leaked the information for political purposes purposefully missing the point to again protect the status quo.

"President Bush must never fully disclose his participation in the selective leaking of classified information," said Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid. "The American people don't need to know the truth. The fuckin' American people couldn't handle the truth."

As the investigation into the revelation of Plame's identity heated up, Bush and White House officials frequently denied any role in clear terms piling on costs incurred by Fitzgerald's office at taxpayer expense.

Fitzgerald refused the Assassinated Press's interview request, but we go to the same massage parlor and our correspondent Jeffey Lube recorded this exchange with the prosecutor:

Lube: "Jesus Fitz. Were you born fuckin' yesterday? Didn't you have some inkling before you started your investigation that these fuckers were just hustling you like they did every red state asshole in this country?"

Fitz: "Well. No. As you know Lube, I was an altar boy."

Lube: "Oh. So, you were used to being fucked by authority figures. Do you mean to imply that everyone at the Washington Post and the New York Times are fuckin' altar boys?"

Fitz: "If that helps to explain their naivete, yes. It certainly explains to me why they're always rubbing their asses."

Lube: "Since it has turned out that this whole fuckin' Plame thing was a ruse, do you think Cheney and Bush will repay the American taxpayer for all the time you wasted finding out what they already knew from the jump e.g. that they were the sources of the leaks?"

Fritz: "Now who's being fuckin' naive, Jeffey?"