The Assassinated Press

Attorney General Caught Up In His Own Bloodlust.
Gonzales Protests His Innocence, Claims Mistaken Identity In Case Involving Killing Of Meth Dealer.
Diminutive ‘Beaner’ And Close Bush Confidante To Be Put To Death On July 4th.
July Declared Death Penalty Month In Texas.
"The Little Pendejo Was Just Trying To Fit In," Cheney Says.

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
June 28, 2007

Paul K. Charlton, one of nine U.S. attorneys fired last year, told members of Congress yesterday that Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales has been overzealous in ordering federal prosecutors to seek the death penalty, including in an Arizona murder case in which no body had been recovered.

And that zeal may have caught up with the Attorney General known affectionately behind his back at the Justice Department as ‘Bush’s Little Beaner’ and ‘God’s Little Gas Chamber’ an obvious reference to Gonzales’s penchant for spicy foods.

Justice Department officials had branded Charlton, the former U.S. attorney in Phoenix, disloyal because he opposed the death penalty in that Arizona case. But Charlton testified yesterday that Gonzales has been so eager to expand the use of capital punishment that the attorney general has been inattentive to the quality of evidence in some cases -- or the views of the prosecutors most familiar with them.

And that eagerness to kill has now resulted in the Attorney General himself being led from the Justice Department in handcuffs and leg irons, a canvass bag over his head, being beaten around the claves and buttocks, accused of shooting a Texas crystal meth dealer named ‘Kenny Boy’ Lay, no relation to the great Chicago blues drummer, Sam Lay.

Two witnesses, ironically both Texas oilmen, buying tail in downtown Dallas picked Gonzales’s photograph out of FBI mug book.

“We got a positive ID with the help of the FBI,” Dallas DA Craig Watkins told the Assassinated Press. “We got two witnesses, both drunk and strung out at the time. But who ain’t drunk and strung out in Texas. I mean we got issues in Texas that can after all only be dealt with by murdering innocent people. Appears to me, Attorney General Gonzales was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and looks like any other ‘beaner’ in a stolen suit.”

The two witnesses Clarence Cazalot and James O'Brien testified that they had just made a buy from Mr. Lay and had removed to an alley to get blown by two Dallas police officers disguised as trannies when they saw Gonzales leap out of the shadows, force a gun into Mr. Lay’s stomach and pull the trigger. “It was him. It was that illegal, Gonzales, I picked out in mug book,” Cazalot told police. “See. This is why I’m against integration--- except for those Latina hookers. Man can they wax my banana.”

"No decision is more important for a prosecutor than whether or not to . . . deliberately and methodically take a life," Charlton said. "And that holds true for the attorney general.”

But Gonzales in his eagerness to see people die on his watch may have inadvertently signed his own death warrant. Among the stacks and stacks of memoranda to local District Attorneys’ ordering them to seek the death penalty in cases involving simple B&B or Being Black to possession of condoms with intent to distribute or the ‘You May Be Crazy, But I’ll Show You The State Is Even Fuckin’ Crazier ‘Cause We’re Gonna Fry Your Ass’ statute, Gonzales inadvertently signed an order to seek the death penalty in the case of one ‘Alberto A. Gonzales. When the original defendant, Alberto K. Gonzales, was acquitted after his state appointed counsel pointed out that his client was doing time for securities fraud at the time of the murder and therefore could not be the killer, law enforcement’s attention began to focus its attention on Gonzales and the account of the two witnesses.

“It’s the ‘one beaner fits all’ rule we have here in Texas. Christ, beaners only got three or four surnames. That’s like begging to be a substitute victim when your dealing with bunch of blood thirsty morons like the Dallas DA’s office,” Greg Abbott told the Assassinated Press. “The meth dealer was white and his family got de-liced and put their teeth in to come down to the court to see justice was served. So we had to serve ‘em up somebody. We got another rule here in Texas still in effect since pre-Civil War days. The most worthless white cracker is better than anyone of color. Skin color is everything. Gonzales would do well not to forget that.”

Barry M. Sabin, deputy assistant attorney general for the department's criminal division, testified, "I don't know how Gonzales came to sign his own death warrant but under his own guidelines he should walk into the death chamber and lay down on that gurney comforted by the knowledge that all of us in law enforcement are eager to see his wishes executed.

He added: "There should be great respect for those who are most familiar with the facts of the case, eye witnesses, the victim’s family, the co-defendants and the local white community." But by law, the attorney general has final say over whether capital charges are filed.

According to Charlton, the case that fucked up Gonzales involved a methamphetamine dealer named Alberto C. Gonzales, who was charged with slaying his drug supplier. Charlton said he believed the case, which has not yet gone to trial, did not warrant the death penalty because police and prosecutors lacked forensic evidence -- including a gun, DNA or the victim's body. He said that the body was evidently buried in a landfill and that he asked Justice Department officials to pay $500,000 to $1 million for its exhumation.

When he realized he wouldn't be able to pocket a chunk of the exhumation money, the Attorney General refused, Charlton said. And without such evidence, he testified, the risk of putting the wrong person to death was too high. Again Gonzales disagreed and ordered Charlton to seek the death penalty unaware that two witnesses had picked him out of an FBI mug book.

Charlton said that in prior cases, Ashcroft's aides had given him the chance to discuss his recommendations against the death penalty, but that Gonzales's staff did not offer that opportunity. He instead received a letter, dated May 31, 2006, from Gonzales, simply directing him to seek the death penalty. Now, Gonzales’s own murderous impulses could indeed land him on death row.

The victim’s family, who has never heard of the office of Attorney General or the Justice Department are convinced that Gonzales is the murderer. “I can see it in his beady little eyes. He’s got murder in them eyes. He’s got that Manson look.”

In April, Gonzales testified in Congress that Charlton had used "poor judgment in pushing forward a recommendation on a death penalty case" and now that has come abck to bite him in the ass. An internal Justice Department memo, laying out the reasons each prosecutor had been fired, said Charlton had shown "repeated instances of defiance, insubordination."

At least one former Justice Department official has expressed a different view. James B. Comey, deputy attorney general under Ashcroft, testified last month that Charlton once had persuaded him not to pursue the death penalty. "Paul Charlton was a very experienced -- still is very smart, very honest and able person," Comey told lawmakers. "And I respected him a great deal and would always listen to what he had to say. But frankly, I don’t think even Charlton could help Alberto in Texas. When the state of Texas decides they’re gonna kill you, if you ain’t white and rich, forget about it."