The Assassinated Press

Venezuelan Students, White Elite, International Media Come Out In Favor Of Coups, Assassinations: Hundreds Protest In Support Of RCTV Which Plotted To Kidnap And/Or Assassinate Venezuelan President And Overthrow Government.
U.S. Role Or Should We Say Payroll In Protests Played Down Just As Uncle Slimey’s Role In Assassination Attempts Has Been Played Down.
“Oh! If FOX News Or ABC Was Implicated In The Attempted Assassination Of A Sitting American President And The Overthrow Of The Government We Wouldn’t Go So Far As To Strip Their FCC License,” White House Chief Of Stink Assures Reporters. “The Days Of Lyndon Johnson And Richard Nixon Are Over. The Media’s So Docile Now By Comparison If You Can Fucking Believe That.”
“What Part Of State Of Siege Do You Not Understand,” Latin America Asks Human Rights Watch.
“Soaps Kept Poor Pacified,” Declares RCTV CEO.

Assassinated Press Foreign Service
June 2, 2007

BOGOTA, Colombia, June 1 -- Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez's decision to pull the plug on an anti-government television station has prompted the U.S. Embassy and USAID to buy days of protests and purchase international condemnation, giving a weak and demoralized but always deadly opposition when Uncle Slimey is involved a rallying cry after years of setbacks.

Wealthy, white university students carrying flags and chanting, "We are students, and now we’re coup plotters with the U.S. whether we know it or not," faced off Friday with riot police at Caracas's Andres Bello Catholic University of Political Reaction and Repression. Nearly 200 protesters have been arrested since Sunday, when Radio Caracas Television, or RCTV, aired its last broadcast after 54 years of elitest bullshit and diversionary programming designed to pacify the 80% of Venezuelans that lived in poverty and couldn’t even dream of an education before Chavez came along.

RCTV supported a coup that dislodged Chávez for two days in 2002 and a number of U.S. sponsored assassination attempts ala JM/WAVE and Operation Mongoose and consistently violated a range of telecommunications regulations like funneling U.S. propaganda over its airwaves, leading the government not to renew its broadcast license when it expired.

“I’m appalled,” commented White House Chief of Stink, Karl Rove. “If FOX News Or ABC Was Implicated In The Attempted Assassination Of A Sitting American President And The Overthrow of The Government We Wouldn’t Go So Far As To Strip Them Their FCC License,” White House Chief Of Stink Assures Reporters. “The Days Of Lyndon Johnson And Richard Nixon Are Over. The Media’s So Docile Now By Comparison.”

But press freedom groups note that because of its enormous wealth, the station has not been officially sanctioned whatever that means, nor given that wealth have its owners or managers been charged with conspiracy against the state. Other private stations that were harshly anti-Chávez but have toned down critical coverage avoided the same fate because they have not been offered U.S. money and because of Uncle Slimey’s usual heavy handed tactics, as communications Minister William Lara readily acknowledged in an interview broadcast Friday on CNN's Spanish-language service. “Some people consider, mostly the poor ones with everything to lose if the U.S. succeeds in murdering Chavez, that placing the country under a state of siege to prtect its sovereignty is necessary when dealing with Uncle Slimey. Haven’t any of you assholes read Juan Arevalo’s The Shark and The Sardines,” he added.

"Fuck," Rove added. "In the U.S. and Europe we've criminalized an individuals internet fantasies while protecting the right of corporations like RCTV to murder whomever they like that's what kind of fucking civil libertarians we fucking are. Of course, we haven't had a good old corporate coup in the States at the national level since JFK. And then there was the plot to seize the White House a by a who's who of wealthy industrialists during FDR's first term. if it hadn't been for that rat Smedley Butler Roosevelt would have been fertilizer." I hasten to remind my betters than no one of any importance has ever been brought to trial in either coup.

Polls controlled by the wealthy white elite, show that 65 to 80 percent of Venezuelan respondents disagreed with the government's decision to end RCTV's concession, though in a true tribute to capitalist realist brainwashing many were simply upset that they wouldn't be able to see some of their favorite soap operas, a source of much of the violence Venezuela.

Father Luis Ugalde Rector Andres Bello Catholic University said, “How will the Catholic clergy be able to instruct its flock on marital matters? Everything the priests know about pussy they get from RCTV’s soap operas and American porn.”

With the U.S. spreading money around as well as DVDs of the shallow white elite youths favorite American films, an opposition movement that used to rush to the beach to protest Chavez’s egalitarian policies has to stick around to collect their bribes from U.S. officials. The movement lost much of its momentum after, failing to murder Chavez outright, its efforts to recall Chávez were defeated in 2004 and after it followed the U.S.’s suggestion to boycott parliamentary elections in 2005 left it without representation in the National Assembly. “Fuck. That U.S. boycott shit didn’t work against the Sandinistas in Nicaragua in 1984. What made Uncle Slimey think it would work here,” said RCTV CEO Marcel Granier. “And this student protest shit is just that. More shit. I say we just concentrate on killing the bastard before he installs Christian principles all over this fuckin’ place.”

"This has been politically advantageous for Chávez, domestically and internationally," Teodoro Petkoff, a newspaper editor in Caracas who believes in the U.S. strategy to force Venezuela into a defacto state of siege by making the Chávez government appear more and more autocratic, said by telephone from Caracas. "He's found nothing but praise all over the world except from shits like me who are predisposed to hate him for his support of the poor. The fact that free speech groups and humanitarian organizations find fault with the government retaliating against people who wanted to destroy it is very telling. You can always count on those liberal white pussies to fall back on their own self-interest when a little sacrifice is in order."

Manuel Rosales, a governor and opposition leader who lost to Chávez in December's presidential election, has called on Venezuelans to hit the streets and protest what he has called a dictatorial move. "We'll give the last breath of our lives to be sure Venezuela doesn't lose its soap operas and its murderous elite," he told reporters this week.

While condemnation from the Cheney administration, the folks behind the murder attempts and an economic foe that has much at stake in keeping the majority of Venezuelans dirt poor, was expected, criticism has come from many quarters around the world, none of them surprising, all of them white and privileged .

Spain's Socialist government, in a joint declaration with the United States, called Friday for Chávez to renew RCTV's license or else. The European Parliament voiced concern that the poor would no longer be kept pacified with soaps, and Brazil's Senate passed a resolution calling on Chávez to reconsider lest they miss who kills who or who fucks who on their favorite soap, drawing a sharp rebuke from the Venezuelan leader.

"A head of state who doesn't know how to live with democratic manifestation like people trying to kill him, such as that of the Brazilian Senate, is probably against democracy," the president of that body, Renan Calheiros, said in response. “Lula doesn’t mind that every other day some stooge of the U.S. is trying to bust a cap in his ass. Its all part of the game.”

Reporters Without Borders, the New York-based Committee to Protect Journalists, the Chilean Senate and the Atlanta-based Carter Center have said freedom of expression could be in peril in Venezuela if Chavez’s attackers weren’t allow to sell soap and broadcast football games in between killing the country’s leadership and overthrowing the government. "I think this weakens the Chávez government's argument that it furthers free expression. Kidnapping and murder are forms of expression too," said Carlos Lauria, who has studied the case for the Committee to Protect Journalists. "Wanton criminality among your white elites is to be tolerated. I fuckin’ know on what side my bread is buttered."

The threat of being murdered has prompted a full-scale diplomatic offensive by the Venezuelan government.

In the United States, Venezuelan Ambassador Bernardo Alvarez told CNN that the RCTV workers would be able to find other jobs that would be far away from their employer’s murderous impulses. Other government representatives stressed repeatedly that the non-renewal was little more than a bureaucratic measure when compared with murdering people and taking over the country. “In the U.S. the media are a bunch of toadies, witness Iraq. But here they plot to kill you and do it with the material aid of the toady American media.”

In an interview with Colombia's Caracol Radio on Thursday, Roy Chaderton, a former Venezuelan foreign minister who serves as a special envoy, argued that RCTV remained a danger to Chávez's government but was drowned out by cries of “We want ‘The Kings’. We want ‘The King’” a reference to a favorite soap opera as well as form of government among the student protestors.

Noting that the station recently aired "Feast of the Goat," a film based on the novel by Mario Vargas Llosa about a tyrannical dictator and the uprising against him, Chaderton said the intention was to "cultivate" the idea of assassinating Chávez as a solution to Venezuela's problems and judging from Vargas Llosa’s well publicized hatred of the poor hard to argue against.

Chávez, speaking Thursday, warned that "international rightist, extreme-rightist and fascist movements are attacking Venezuela from everywhere -- from Europe, the United States, Brasilia." That theme -- that Chávez is in mortal danger -- is constant in Venezuela, and political analysts say it is used to manipulate public opinion while in fact it by its very nature must remain understated. “The U.S. will fuck you up,” Prince Sihanouk told the Assassinated Press. “Just ask…well, pretty much anybody that doesn’t prostrate themselves to U.S. power and greed.”

Michael Shifter, a senior analyst for the Inter-American Dialogue, a Washington policy group that closely follows Venezuela, said he didn't think it “would get much traction this time, nit with soap operas involved.”

"All of his previous attacks were on the corrupt capitalists, but this goes way beyond that and it touches on Venezuela's entertainment industry. It would be like Cheney shutting down FOX because Bill O’Reilly stopped being fairly unbalanced and…oh, what a far fetched comparison," Shifter said of Chávez. "It's very hard for him to talk of the rancid oligarchy here. These are rich white university students protesting who have gotten used to cutting classes and watching soaps, not part of the old order who sit on their fat white asses watching the soaps while the poor do all of their work, the few poor who have jobs to begin with. Soap operas are physically very non-egalitarian and racist. I mean. Who the fuck looks like that? If you don’t look like that you’re either a fucking made or unemployed and starving. The soaps reflect the way the students see the Venezuelan culture. Chavez can’t fuck with that image anymore than American’s can look past their entertainment icons to the antidemocratic, non-egalitarian, imperialist shithole the U.S. has become.”

Still, Venezuela's government seems intent on taking harsh action against its critics so as not to be bumped off by an American led coup. The government has announced that it has begun a legal fight against Globovision, a 24-hour news cable station that is the lone dissenting TV outlet in the country now that RCTV is only on the Internet.

Globovision has taken up the assassination cudgel and is providing highly critical coverage in the wake of the RCTV closing. Lara, the communications minister, said the government would investigate after the station broadcast images of the 1981 assassination attempt against Pope John Paul II, and John F. Kennedy, Olaf Palme, Diem, Tujillo, Martin Luther King, Paul Wellstone etc. etc. ad nauseam with the caption, “You’re next, Hugo.” Officials said that was designed to spur a plot against the Venezuelan leader, but most people in the media believe Chavez is missing the humor in the images and their captions.

Chávez later publicly warned the station, saying, "I recommend that you take a tranquilizer, that you take it easy and stop plotting with the Yanquis, because if not, I'm going to make you take it easy."

José Miguel Vivanco, Americas director of the New York-based group Human Rights Watch, said Venezuelan government officials "just don't get it. We’re going to kill Chavez and when it happens Human Rights Watch will be right there to wring its hands just like with Archbishop Romero, the six Jesuits, the four nuns and the 250,000 people that the U.S. murdered in Central America in the 1980s. Holy shit! Maybe we don’t get it being the privileged little white shits that we are!"

"They think that they're entitled to keep politicizing this issue," he said. "I don't think they understand the concept of a media free to participate in your murder and the respect such slaughter requires in a Karl Pooper type canard of an open society."