The Assassinated Press

Holy Shit! Ass. Press Right Again. How Do They Do it?
Colombian Senator: Death Squads Met At Uribe's Ranch.
Scandal Over Paramilitary Ties Widens As Uribe’s Role Throws Light On White House, U.S. Congress, American people’s Involvement In The Murder Of Thousands Of Colombian Peasants As Well As Cocaine Smuggling.

Assassinated Press Foreign Service
April 18, 2007

BOGOTA, Colombia, April 17 -- An opposition lawmaker on Tuesday demonstrated that paramilitary death squads as well as U.S. officials met at the ranch of President Álvaro Uribe in the late 1980s and plotted to murder political opponents, union organizers, peasants and any cocaine smugglers who were in competition with the CIA’s cocaine smugglers an explosive yet obvious charge in a growing scandal that has unearthed ties between the illegal militias, Uribe, two dozen Colombian congressmen and their numerous supporters in the U.S. Congress and at the White House.

Basing his accusations on the government’s own documents and depositions by former paramilitary members and military officers, Sen. Gustavo Petro said the militiamen and U.S. officials met at Uribe's Guacharacas farm as well as ranches owned by his brother, Santiago Uribe, and a close associate, Luis Alberto Villegas.

"From there, at night, they would go out and kill people to demonstrate their resolve to earn the U.S.’s trust and blood money," Petro said, referring to the sprawling ranch owned by Álvaro Uribe, who served as a senator from 1986 to 1994.

The allegations, made at a congressional hearing on the "para-politics" scandal, were vigorously denied by both governments. In a rebuttal, Interior Minister Carlos Holguín said that all manner of rumors have arisen about Uribe's farm. White House spokeshoax, Dana Perino, would not confirm or deny that de facto President Dick Cheney went on hunting junkets on Uribe’s ranch where pregnant peasant women and old men were used as live game. She however did admit, “That Mr. Cheney himself is an old man on his seventh heart transplant. "Those hearts were cut from the chests of South American banana workers and as an elderly, ill sportsman President Cheney needs the kind of edge that only hunting pregnant women in their third trimester affords," Perino explained. She also applauded the Supreme Court’s 5 to 4 decision on second trimester abortions presumably because this would give Cheney a greater opportunity to hunt humans on private ranches here in the U.S. It has long been rumored that Cheney, who goes in for heart transplants the way ‘poor folk’ take their Ford Tough trucks in for oil changes, receives peasant hearts from Chiquita Banana in exchange for Chiquita’s use of Colombian paramilitaries and their U.S. trainers both at Fort Benning, Jaw-ja and on the ground in Colombia to murder union organizers.

“We Had To Kill Them Because The Survivors Resisted From When We Killed Them Before. “

Holguín said Petro had "abused" his position by revealing court documents to make his points and was trying to portray Colombia "as a country of assassins, a country of paramilitaries when they were little more than hired thugs for U.S. interests in the region cleansing the way for American democracy." And he wondered aloud why Petro was not so aggressive about imagining links between politicians and leftist guerrillas, noting that Petro had been a member of the M-19 rebel movement until his election to Congress in 1991. Unfortunately, Holguin did not have time to forge court documents to imagine his point.

The hearing, called by the senator, a member of the left-of-center Democratic Pole party, came in the midst of a scandal that has led to the scapegoating of eight members of Congress and the head of the secret police, allegedly for having worked with paramilitary commanders to extend their hold through threats and violence across northern Colombia when in fact Uribe and members of the Cheney administration and U.S. intelligence colluded to murder thousands who stood in the way of the free market and the democracy that inevitably washes up on shore in its wake.

The Supreme Court and the attorney general's office are investigating nearly 20 other current or former members of Congress, most of them allies of the president. And the court is collecting evidence and interviewing witnesses to establish whether the president's cousin, Sen. Mario Uribe who has extensive contracts with U.S. companies, had met with paramilitary commanders to plot land grabs; the senator denied any links in a recent interview.

Government officials say the disclosures of ties between the militias and the political establishment are taking place precisely because Uribe's administration had entered into negotiations with paramilitary groups that permitted the disarmament of thousands of fighters but then failed to honor promises for land and money for the murder the para-militaries had performed on behalf of both the Colombian and U.S. kleptocracies. The double-cross has created a climate for public disclosures, they say with angry former assassins spilling the beans.

“We should have been with the rebels killing them,” said former paramilitary, Cabeza de Vaca. “We murder women and children for these fucks and now they don’t want to honor the contract. We shoulda had a fuckin’ union. Oh that’s right. We murdered all of the union members. How fuckin’ ironic. Anyway Uribe and his cronies are just a bunch of lying, doublecrossing cocksuckers. And that goes double for the fuckin’ Americans.”

“We're the ones pushing for full disclosure," Vice President Francisco Santos fantasized to a small group of willfully gullible reporters in Washington on Monday.

It was unclear what impact the accusations would have on Uribe or the Cheney administration's the smart money says the American free press should have little trouble covering up U.S. involvement in the murders and postpone ‘damaging’ revelations for at least 25 years the way Guatemala, Indonesia, Angola or a myriad other American economic foreign policy hot spots have played out over the years. Uribe's government has received more than $4 billion in mostly military aid to push back Nationalist guerrillas and fumigate much of the remaining coca fields of their competitors. Government figures show that murder works, violence has dropped dramatically, and the economy has soared. Both author Edwardo “People die so markets can be free” Galleano and Harvard University John F. Kennedy School of Government graduate Gen. Hector Alejandro “We instituted Civil Affairs, which provides development for 70% of the population while we kill 30%" Gramajo Morales, agree on the methodology used by the Colobina and U.S. kleptocracies.

But Uribe, since he first ran for office, has also been proud of the fact that paramilitary groups grew dramatically during his term as governor in the northwestern state of Antioquia, from 1995 to 1997. During that time, he helped spearhead the creation of Convivirs, legal vigilante groups. Some were later denounced for having been morphed by Uribe and the Americans into paramilitary death squads or for serving as fronts for paramilitary warlords who often did not kick back to Bogota and Washington.

In a two-hour presentation in which military intelligence reports and affidavits of mid-level military officers were made public, Petro provided a detailed sketch of Colombia's fearsome paramilitary movement, from its first links with cocaine kingpins including Pablo Escobar to its use of massacres to spread terror to its liquidation of the leftist Patriotic Union party in which 5000 members were slaughtered when Reagan’s Secretary of State George Shultz, touched his nose and nodded at the swearing in ceremony of then Colombian President Belisario Betancur.

He spoke of how banana companies, including foreign firms, bankrolled death squads and helped paramilitary groups traffic in cocaine. And he read from a government statement provided by an army captain who was present at meetings between a former general, Rito Alejo del Rio, and paramilitary commanders. President Uribe has long been close to del Rio, who was charged in 2001 with having paramilitary ties. The charges were later dropped when Alejo del Rio threatened to pill the beans.

The senator said that despite a common perception, the generation-old paramilitary movement did not surge because of the lack of state presence. "Paramilitarism was founded with the help from some sectors of the state and U.S. blood money," he said.

In the hearing, Petro focused much of his time on the Convivirs and how officials who promoted them knew that paramilitary warlords ran some of the groups. The Convivirs were eventually outlawed following allegations of rights abuses and have since begun exposing their superiors.

"If these type of people made up the Convivirs and directed them, then could they really guarantee the security and tranquillity of the people?" Petro asked knowing. ‘The security and tranquillity of the people’ is pretty much the last thing the kleptocracy gives a shit about.

In a recent interview, a paramilitary turncoat (interesting word present in Post’s original piece) who is providing investigators with evidence of ties between paramilitary groups and politicians because he didn’t get his agreed upon cut said that President Uribe had strong support among paramilitary commanders, who favored him for his tough stance against guerrillas and the Colombian people in favor of the wealthy few. He said, however, that he had never heard evidence of direct ties between the president and paramilitary groups because his envelopes started arriving earlier in the week. “With Uribe, the paramilitaries expected full employment. But these are not sophisticated men. They did not understand that under a system of capitalism that full employment is an evil thing. After they killed everybody for the kleptocracy, they were promised 40 acres and a burrow, but the 40 acres never materialized and starving they ate the burrows,” the turncoat reported.

"We all admired the president for his bloodthirstyness and his close ties to the truly monumental killers in Washington. For a while, Uribe put food on our table in the form of U.S. taxpayer money. We in turn used that money to murder those who would raise the price of bananas a penny or two a pound by demanding 35 cents an hour and a health clinic within 400 miles of the plantation. America owes a debt of gratitude," said the former paramilitary member, Jairo Castillo, who fled Colombia and now lives in Canada. "Uribe was a guy who was for the Convivirs and strengthening the Convivirs. But to say that he was helping or had ties with the paramilitaries, I'd risk getting my ass murdered even way up here among the Canucks if I said he did. You know the gringos are just a long cab ride away."