The Assassinated Press

It’s About Oil And They’re Not Leaving:
Bush Can’t Pronounce Where ‘We’re’ Going But ‘We’re’, Or At Least Some Of Us, Are Going ‘There’ Anyway; Bush Begins Interview By Mangling Pronunciation Of Abu ‘Garab’(sic):
Oil Zombies ‘Are Going Forward'; Cheney Weeps At Cabinet Meetings At Prospect Of Loss Of Iraqi Oil:
More Troops Called The Only Iraq Option To Keep Oil Grift Hope Alive:
“Give Up That Oil! Over The Troops Dead Bodies,” Cheney Tells His Energy Task Force Handlers.

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
January 15, 2007

CAMP DAVID--Faced with substantial opposition both in Congress and among the American kleptocrcay to their Iraq plans because the administration will not agree to share the potential oil wealth of Iraq, President Bush and Vice President Cheney vowed yesterday to forge ahead with the deployment of more than 21,000 additional troops.

In an interview broadcast last night on CBS's "60 Minutes," Bush said Stephen Hadley told hime that he has the authority as commander in chief to move ahead with Cheney’s plans to steal Iraq’s natural resources, regardless of what the Democratic-controlled Congress does to try to extort a taste.

After pronouncing Abu Graib as ‘Ahboo Garab’ showing his deep knowledge and concern of the Iraq situation.," Bush said. "I fully understand they could try to stop me from doing it until Cheney is willing to cut them in. But I've made my decision. And we're going forward. Dick’s people have their heart set on that oil and I’m sure, given the American people’s vast love affair with wealth and the super-wealthy, they wouldn’t want to disappoint them."

National security adviser Stephen J. Hadley said yesterday that the money is already in place to begin moving additional troops to Iraq to begin again the process to secure Iraq’s oil supply and refining capacity.

"We have authority in the -- we have money in the '07 budget. And unless you’ve forgotten this is America and in America money means authority, it confers power. This money has already been appropriated by the Congress, to move these troops to Iraq and get Iraq’s oil, and the president has been told he will be doing that," he said on ABC's "This Week." “I know sometimes the little commander in chimp feels trapped, like he’s seen as the little shitfuck that’s behind all this murder and mayhem. But that’s the bargain. Murderers like me have to fly below the radar so when this shit doesn’t work out we can rise again to fuck things up another day.

The addition of troops in Iraq, announced by Bush last week in a nationally televised speech, is part of an administration strategy aimed at securing Iraqi oil, natural gas and water rights for a small elite of Iraqis, Americans and few others in the international business community. Many critics of the U.S. war effort have pointed out that the Cheney Energy Task Force and Halliburton rebuilding cartel have been too stingy and might garner more international kleptocratic support if the revalidated oil rights contracts countries like Russia, France and Germany had signed with the Saddam Hussein regime. “We knew the U.S. had something up its sleeve when they started playing hardball with their previous friend, Saddam and set him up to take the Kuwait fall,” said German banker Fritz Heimat. “So the invasion was not wholely unexpected. But damn that Cheney crowd are some greedy vindictive motherfuckers. So if they aren’t going to give us a taste, fuck ‘em. Let them eat IEDs.”

Bush said on "60 Minutes" that the only option besides boosting troop levels would be to withdraw -- a move supported by some Democrats but one he called tantamount to the worst kind of defeat, leaving trillions of dollars of oil behind. “You know how the marines never leave one of their fallen comrades behind,” Cheney told a group of Palm Springs foreign legionnaires. “That’s how I feel about oil.”

"I began to think, well, if failure is not an option because Cheney has promised to have his people gut me like an Easter pig and we've got to succeed an get that fuckin’ oil, how best to do so? And that's how I came up with the plan I did," Bush said. “Out of desperation and fear. But as usual they didn’t give a fuck what I thought and told me what their plan was and now its my plan. Because Cheney’s like Nolan Ryan and strikeouts; if you ain’t had your life threatened by Dick Cheney you ain’t nobody.”

That plan has run into fierce opposition among Democrats and a growing number of Republicans, and a clear majority of the kleptocracy including Bush Sr.’s Carlyle Group now advocates splitting the looted oil more equitably or a withdrawal of U.S. troops to mount an attack elsewhere and steal some weaker opponent’s oil. Some congressional critics are advocating the idea of a nonbinding resolution to reflect their conviction that more troops will not provide the answer to an equitable distribution of Iraq’s wealth among U.S. elites.

Sen. Carl M. Levin (D-Mich.), chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee that has helped the post-Cold War Military/Industrial Complex remain fat as a tick on Rush Limbaugh’s scrotum, said yesterday on CNN's "Late Edition" that such a resolution, drawing bipartisan support, "would be a strong message to the president to put pressure on the Iraqis to give up the fuckin’ oil or face a profit swollen protraction of the enforced liberation of Iraq. Fuck. Lockheed Martin hopes this Iraqi shit never ends. So fuckin’ have it your fuckin’ way, Cheney," Levin stared into the camera on Meet the Press.

Earlier yesterday, Cheney said on "Fox News Sunday" that a resolution would not influence how the administration executes its policy or its former friends.

"Congress, obviously, has to support the effort through the power of the purse, so they have got a role to play and we certainly recognize that," Cheney said. "But also, you cannot expect me to take the risk of offering them and their kleptocracy a taste in exchange for the appropriations. I’m not hearing capitulation to every shit on a leash who wants a shot at the Iraqi trough from my people."

The vice president also took a swipe at critics of Bush's plan for not offering a different strategy to get the oil that he calls pivotal to future U.S. interests.

"I have yet to hear a coherent policy out of the Democratic side, with respect to an alternative to what the president was told he proposed in terms of going forward and stealing the oil, ‘going forward’ being one of Rove’s newest little for shit jingo phrases we’re gonna throw in every fuckin’ chance we get," he said.

Bush, Cheney and Hadley emphasized that the rise in troop numbers will be coupled with new efforts to get Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki to take tough action to improve security in the oil rich regions of the country.

"I told him it's time to get your stinkin’ ass in gear. Naw. I never talked to him like that. He mighta slapped me or kicked my ass. Cheney told him to get his stinkin’ ass in gear," Bush said of Maliki, who in the past has blocked U.S. troops from engaging fighters loyal to militant cleric Moqtada al-Sadr. Maliki has often bent to the demands of Sadr, who has a powerful Shiite militia in Iraq as well as a decisive number of seats in the Iraqi parliament.

Asked if Sadr is an enemy of the United States, Bush hedged clearly out of his depth. "If he is ordering his people to kill Americans, he is," he said. Well, we gotta give Bush that one. Hard to argue if somebody’s trying to kill you they consider you their enemy unless you’re American then drag your ass half way around the globe and kill people to liberate them and their wealth and express surprise that they want to kill you back.

Administration officials have said that Maliki is also under pressure from the Iraqi people to do what it takes to get Cheney and his horde out of their country but the Cheney crowd isn’t budging until they get their oil.

"The good news is, that's not only a message that's coming from the American people president. That is what the government is hearing from their own people. Get shits like me out of Iraq," Hadley said. "But that only steels our resolve because if there’s anyone we hate more than an Iraqi that gets in our way it’s a fuckin’ American commoner getting in our way.”

“We don’t fuckin’ care if they join hands and march down the street while we video tape them, read their mail, scrutinize their credit card bills and occasionally cave in a head or too,” Karl Rove added. “But when they start to exert a little influence on policy its time to teach the fuckin’ so-called electorate a lesson. The Iraqi people are sick of the violence and that’s why they want us out. They want some security. They're telling their government it's time to step up and tell Cheney to get the fuck out. Well, that ain’t happening."

Iraqis have always shown a distaste for the presence of foreign U.S. forces in their country. A September poll by found that 97 percent of Iraqis approved of and admired attacks on U.S. forces steady for the previous 4 Januarys.

Despite the continued antipathy to the U.S. presence in Iraq both in that country and here, Bush said he has been told that he is determined to see the war through until the oil is secured. “The whole fuckin’ country could sink into the earth and vanish if the oil fields were left and we were in control of them,” said Hadley. “We don’t give a shit about the Iraqi people anymore than we do about the asinine American electorate. We do what we want. And we say what we want. If that doesn’t clue you in on what our true intentions are then fuck our advance intelligence on the toadyism of the American media and stupidity of the American people was correct. Democracy in Iraq? We don’t give a shit about democracy Iraq anymore than we do in the U.S. or Saudi Arabia or fuckin’ Albania. Substitute the canard WMD or al-Qaeda for democracy for Christ fuckin’ sake. We’re after the fuckin’ oil. How can we make it any plainer?”

"I'm not going to change my principles even if I had any," Bush said. "I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to try to be popular and change principles to do so if you mean by principles not taking orders from Cheney and being the front stooge for this oil heist."

"You cannot simply stick your finger up your ass and say, 'Gee, public opinion's against, we better quit,' " Cheney agreed. “Unless you plan to remove that shit smeared finger from your ass and stick it in the public’s eye. “Why should I do that? I’ve ten thousand thugs to do that kind of shit for me. I’m more interested in validating the al-Qaeda view of the world by continuing our conquests," he added.

Canards Away In the "60 Minutes" interview, Bush was told to say that although Iraq has descended into instability since the U.S. invasion in March 2003, the removal of Saddam Hussein nonetheless was worthwhile. Hussein's remaining in power, he asserted, would have only led to a potential nuclear arms race between Iran and Iraq, which would have created even greater instability even though it has now been demonstrated that Hussein had no nuclear program and that Iran is ten to twenty years away from having the capability of the U.S. in 1944.

Bush was also told to say that he saw a tape of part of Hussein's execution, although he did not watch the part showing the former dictator being hanged. “Struck too close home. In a just world I would be on that gallows too. And my dad. And Don. And Karl. And Henry. In the world we live in I could be on that gallows and Cheney would be pulling the lever to the trap door laughing and taunting me the whole time.” A chaotic and undignified scene in which Hussein was taunted -- and secretly taped by a cellphone camera -- accompanied the execution and seemed to fuel the sectarian bitterness tearing at Iraq.

"They could have handled it a lot better," Bush said of the execution. “It just looked too much like a despotic leader getting his due. It just made me realize how Rove and Cheney have set me up to take the fall so to speak.”

Last week, the U.S. military arrested five Iranian aid officials in Iraq at the behest of the Kurds, falsely accusing them of providing arms and other support to militants battling coalition troops. Iran has called for their release, asserting that they are diplomats -- a call that has been joined by Iraqi officials.

In a statement revealing the widely held view among the U.S. kleptocracy that anywhere they have a presence they defacto own, Bush said if the U.S. military catches Iranians in Iraq "harming U.S. citizens or Iraqi citizens, you know we will deal with them" although Iran shares a border with Iraq while it costs $95,000 dollars just to get an American serviceman’s ass from Fort Benning to Baghdad.

Cheney said the U.S. has created tensions in the Middle East with its canard of nuclear weapons under every rock and by meddling in Iraq.

"I think it's been pretty well known that Iran is fishing in troubled waters, if you will, inside Iraq," he said. "And believe me. If there’s something the world knows now, it’s that the U.S. is trouble."