The Assassinated Press

A Lesson in Kleptocracy
Definitions of Kleptocracy:
1) A kleptocracy (sometimes cleptocracy, occasionally kleptarchy) (root: klepto+kratein = rule by thieves) is a term applied to a government that extends the personal wealth and political power of government officials and the ruling class (collectively, kleptocrats) at the expense of the population.
2) A corrupt and dishonest government characterised by greed

The Editors
The Assassinated Press

Of all the sputum sputtering hate mail the Assassinated Press has received over the past decade none has been so vitriolic as that condemning our use of the word ‘KLEPTOCRACY’ when speaking of the U.S. Most readers mistakenly assumed the scribes at the Assassinated Press made up the term, another sign of our arrogance as opposed to their ignorance.

But lately there has been a sea change. Though the vitriolic assaults have not ameliorated, attacks on the word ‘KLEPTOCRACY’ have utterly subsided.

Why? Because the KLEPTOCRACY itself has confirmed its existence in the most graphic terms. It wasn’t enough that the ‘KLEPTOCRACY’ plundered the Savings & Loans or sold the soap that was used to blow the tech bubble. Remember the IPO hustle in all its technicolor American dream coat.

It wasn’t even enough that factions of the KLEPTOCRACY plunged the U.S. into a war for oil in Iraq, murdering millions in the process, and then plundered the funds earmarked to support that war.

No, it wasn’t until the KLEPTOCRACY nearly brought the world to its financial knees that the knuckle draggers who lurch among us stopped fulminating against our use of the word KLEPTOCRACY to describe the economic and political engine that rules America.

You can try to jury rig starry eyed notions of democracy or imagine like a schoolgirl or Alan Greenspan that markets will regulate themselves and all ‘free’ marketeers are as pure as Snow White. But when the fact is that democracy is a commodity like titanium golf clubs or deodorant and when the financial markets and the corporations are annually the greatest recipient of [anti]-social welfare, you’d fucking do well to stick to KLEPTOCRACY rather than continue to look the fool.