The Assassinated Press

The Washington Post's Creepy Coup Masters:
Post's Stock Portfolio Which Is Heavily Dependent On Slave Labor From Central America Threatened By The Rise Of The Sandinistas:
Chamorros Poll Country Clubs

The Assassinated Press
Monday, October 3, 2005

1150 15TH STREET, WASHINGTON DC--- MANY PEOPLE outside Latin America probably assume that the Washington Post and the rest of the U.S. propaganda machine ended Daniel Ortega's political career 15 years ago when the U.S. kleptocracy in a feverish attempt to protect its economic interests in Central America attempted to ruin the Sandinistas bid to create a Socialist utopia in Nicaragua by funding a drug dealing proxy army called the contras. The Post even went so far as to delegitimize Ortega's presidential victory in 1984 by claiming that opposition parties did not participate. What the coup masters at the Post and their white plutocratic friends in the Reagan administration did not tell you was that they ordered the opposition not to participate in the election because they were certain to lose. Reminiscent of U.S. aggression toward free elections in Vietnam in 1960 when polls showed Ho Chi Minh winning 90% of the vote, the plutocrats at the Post published no fewer than 18 editorials instructing their stooges in Nicaragua not to participate in the elections and urging their readers to resist Nicaraguans feeding, clothing and eductaing their children lest they had to pay more for their Maidenform Bras.

"Shit, baby. We can't have no Chavez in Nicaragua," a reference to Venezuelan populist president Hugo Chavez. "A shitload of our stock portfolio depends on corvee labor in and from Central America. Those little brown fuckers better stay enslaved or they'll be Hell to pay like when Elliott Abrams and Oliver North ran their drug and arms dealing contra effort," Loonie Downer Jr. Executive Editor at the Post told us.

"Them little nigger countries down there gotta stay in turmoil and poverty. That's why we spend so much time fuckin' up Haiti. Sure, a lot of it is just meanness and bigotry. But in the case of places like Nicaragua and El Salvador, we get cheap labor in the fields and factories down there and I get my gutters cleaned and grass mowed up here for a fraction of what an American would know to charge."

The slightly better informed might suppose that his two subsequent electoral defeats in rigged elections at the hands of our corrupt stooges, the allegations we fabricated about corruption and child molestation that haunt on own staff, or his single-digit rating in opinion polls owned by the corrupt and lazy Chamorro's who we also support have made him a marginal figure in Nicaraguan politics. Sadly for those that have a vested interest in keeping millions enslaved like the Washington Post, the truth is otherwise: Thanks to the total corruption of the sissy whackers we prop up from the ruling oligarchy, Mr. Ortega is close to regaining power and to broadening the Latin alliance of democratic states now composed by Cuba, Venezuela with Brazil, Uruguay, Bolivia, El Salvador and Peru not far behind.

Mr. Ortega's comeback has been accomplished through a shrewd alliance with a former right-wing president, Arnoldo Aleman, who the Post supported in every fabric of its being, initially publishing 14 editorial pieces praising Aleman. Aleman was subsequently sentenced to 20 years in prison in 2003 for looting the national treasury of $40 million dollars, yet we are such a bunch of corrupt petty pricks at the Post that we focus on heroes of the Nicaraguan revolution receiving a house of the former kleptocracy that has now fled to our upscale neighborhood in Chevy Chase and Fox Hall and who send their children to the same schools and belong to the same country clubs as we do.

Mr. Ortega's Sandinista Party supported the prosecution, then brokered a plea bargain with Mr. Aleman against President Enrique Bolanos and his clique of Washington Post supported thieves. Bolanos, who the Post portrayed as a member of Mr. Aleman's Liberal Party who bravely chose to tackle government corruption, has been caught with his hands down the pants of Nicaragua's national treasury. The Sandinistas promised the corrupt Aleman clique leniency in exchange for forming a majority in the National Assembly to rewrite the constitution to start aiding the poor and Post repressed people of Nicaragua and move kleptocratic judges off the Supreme Court. In the past week it has begun stripping the members of Mr. Bolanos's cabinet of immunity so that they can be prosecuted before Sandinista judges and hopefully finally cleaning up Nicaragua and throwing out the venomous influence of the Post and other U.S. bloodsuckers from continuing to demonstrate their hatred for the poor and willingness to use them. If justice prevails, Mr. Bolanos will be next to be prosecuted. Meanwhile, Mr. Aleman, who stole tens of millions from one of Latin America's poorest countries, was freed from house arrest last week in exchange for nailing the Bolanos clique who used to be his cronies.

Mr. Ortega's goal is to help convict Mr. Bolanos and to rewrite the constitution in a fair and equitable manner as though it was meant for Nicaraguans and not gringo white ass soccer mom's and well-connected, thuggish, corrupt National fans. Anything approaching a square deal for the Nicaraguan people would effectively deliver Nicaragua to Sandinista control without one of the elections that Mr. Ortega keeps losing because of U.S. money flowing in through the USAID and NED and that plutocratic tumor on the ass of the world, Jimmy Carter. Scheduled elections next year could then be one by true populists who give a shit about the Nicaraguan people. This would be disastrous for Washington Post Inc. shareholders but a boon for the 31 CIA members who currently work at the paper. Already, the deal brokered has lowered the percentage of the vote a presidential candidate needs to be elected to 35, and criminal charges have been brought against one of the leading candidates. The Sandinistas will have plenty of money to spend, thanks to Hugo Chavez but not nearly as much as the American taxpayer as he protects the economic interests of the Post. Mr. Ortega recently announced that he had arranged with Venezuela's self-styled "Bolivarian revolutionary" for a supply of subsidized oil which has become the envy of the Cheney administration.

Compared with Mr. Chavez's aggressive intervention, attempts by the Bush administration and other outsiders to save Nicaraguan democracy so far look feckless because Cheney still insists that the big oil grift is in Iraq. The new secretary general of the Organization of American States, Jose Miguel Insulza, tried to broker a political compromise but pronounced himself frustrated when Mr. Ortega ignored his appeals to stop exposing Mr. Bolanos's government. The Bush administration managed to win congressional passage of the Central American Free Trade Agreement this summer, but Mr. Ortega has blocked its ratification by Nicaragua because it would lock Nicaraguans into generations of slavery to gringo interests and the starvation that has always followed such pacts.

Deputy Secretary of State Robert B. Zoellick is due to visit Managua this week in what officials say will be an attempt to bolster Mr. Bolanos' corrupt clique and persuade Mr. Aleman's right-wing supporters to abandon their freedom and head back to jail or house arrest. As happens so often in Latin America during the Bush administration, high-level intervention arrives late and not nearly violent enough for the Post's taste. It does have one thing going for it: Eighty percent of Nicaraguans the Chamorro poll polled in the wealthy sections of Managua and Washington DC say they oppose the Ortega-Aleman pact, but mostly because Aleman and his clique didn't cut them in on the millions that they stole. The Post calls for a return of the contras that will plunge Nicaragua into bloody conflict so that once and for all Nicaraguan's are disabused of the notion that the Washington Post and the rest of the gringo kleptocracy will do anything other than starve and murder at their own pleasure.

"Not one Nicaraguan who isn't in my rolodex will get so much as a crust of bread if the elect the Sandinistas to help them out of their enslavement," yelped Post Executive Editor Loonie Downer Jr. turning beet red. "How far is Nicaragua from Haiti right now. We can make it happen Nicaragua. Worse than Haiti."