The Assassinated Press

Former Bush Officials, Others Appear to be Victims of Extraordinary Rendition.
Shilling for Terrorist Group Lands Several Former US Officials in Secret Prisons.
Violation of National Defense Authorization Act Cited as Reason for Imprisonment.

The Assassinated Press

Rudy Giuliani has disappeared. Vanished from the face of the earth. And the disappearance of the former cross-dressing mayor of New York seems to have been carried out by US military intelligence. Could water boarding be far behind?

US military spokespersons refused to either confirm or deny that Giuliani and several other prominent shills for the terrorist group known as the Mojahedin-e Khalq (MEK) ahd been kidnapped under new NDAA guidelines. Other terrorist facilitators reported missing in the last 24 hours include former top Bush officials and other Republicans (Michael Mukasey, Fran Townsend, Andy Card, Tom Ridge and Giuliani) as well as prominent Democrats (Howard Dean, Ed Rendell, Bill Richardson, Wesley Clark).

The CIA also refused to comment. But a spokesman did say, “I wish we had done it. It was done clean. Like the fucking rapture had come down and taken those assholes up. Don’t they know the Mossad and us are working closely with the MEK.”

A rift between intelligence, the executive and the military

. Two revelations yesterday may have caused the military to act and rendition the MEK lobbyists. An NBC News Report by Richard Engel and Robert Windrem cited two anonymous “senior U.S. officials.” That report makes two common sense claims: (1) that it was MEK which perpetrated the string of assassinations of Iranian nuclear scientists and (2) the Terrorist group “is financed, trained and armed by Israel’s secret service and the CIA.” These senior officials also admitted that “the Obama administration is aware of the assassination campaign” and has “direct involvement.” Iran has long insisted the Israel and the U.S. are using MEK to carry out Terrorist attacks on its soil, including the murder of its scientists, and NBC notes that these acknowledgments “confirm charges leveled by Iran’s leaders.” (MEK issued a statement confirming the report).

The renditions pit the US military against Langley and the Obama administration.

“We feel at the Pentagon that the CIA and Obama officials are behind the early morning kidnappings of US military personnel from Fort Devens, MA and Fort Huachuca, AZ.”

The military would not provide details including the identities of those kidnapped. The FBI has launched an investigation.

“We’re just trying to uphold the law here because obviously that cunt Holder over at Justice won’t,” Chief of Military Renditions, Gen. Charlie MacArthur told the Assassinated Press. “If Langley, the Congress and the Executive want war we’ll give ‘em their goddamn war. Virtually all of the rank and file would rather go up to New York and burn out their fucking handlers on Wall Street and all of that other fuckin’ bankster scum rather than pick on Iran. What pay grade they think we fuckin’ operate at?”

“I lost my home to fraud. I’d rather kill a dozen banksters before I harm a hair on the head of an Eye-ranian. What the fuck Iran ever done to me?” said Corporal Mars DeWitt. “Besides now we got all our girlie girl soldiers to go and kill innocent women and children somewhere half way around the fucking world where we don’t fucking belong. Let those cunts smell burning flesh for a change. Lord knows the people we attack have had their fill.”