The Assassinated Press

Tape Surfaces of Meeting Between Rahm Emanuel, Scott Walker and the Koch Brothers on How to Bust the Chicago Teachers Union. Charles Koch Heard Expressing Admiration for the Ludlow Massacre and Quoting Jay Gould --- “I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.”

The Assassinated Press

The Assassinated Press has acquired a tape which appears to be a record of a meeting between Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and two modern day robber barons, Charles and David Koch. The meeting took place on or about August 25th in a room at the Omni Shoreham in Chicago.

The meeting opens with some political hard ball.

David Koch: “You saw what we did to Ms. Erwin,” a reference to Judy Erwin who was forced to resign as an aide to Emanuel after the state Executive Ethics Commission accused Erwin of using her state e-mail account and phone to campaign for Obama. She was ironically the executive director of the Illinois Board of Higher Education at the time. “Piece of cake getting rid of that twat,” Koch added.

“So what do you want,” Emanuel says. “I mean more than the shit I’ve already done.”

“Blood,” counters Koch. “That’s what I want. I want that cunt Lewis’s head on a stake,” a reference to Chicago Teachers Union President Karen Lewis.

“We’re prepared to give you that,” Emanuel counters. “We’re prepared to gut the whole union just like your boy Walker did in Wisconisn. Fuck teachers. The fewer people educated, the fewer job skills. The more fodder for the military. The stronger my stock portfolio.”

“Right. An uneducated citizenry is our best dupe,” Walker chimes in.

“Fuckin’ right,” Charles Koch says. “I’m a great admirer of John D. Rockeller’s tactics at the Ludlow massacre or Homestead. But are the Chicago police prepared to fire on the teachers? If not David and I can bring some private security in to do the job. We’ve already infiltrated the union. Did you know our fuckin’ dad helped found the Corporations Auxiliary Company in 1903?”

“Yeah, let’s privatize the school and educate 10% of the little niggers and beaners and teach them how to fuck over the other 90%,” David Koch added. “Only 4 out of ten graduate high school now. How hard can teaching be. There’s hardly anyone left to teach. Remember what Jay Gould said, ‘I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.’ Very reassuring that. That and a glass of warm milk and a load of smack and I’m out before my head hits the pillow.”

“The sooner we destroy the unions, the sooner we can apply third world hegemony here in the US and start really fuckin’ over the work ---,” Walker attempted to say. But David Koch cut him off. “Shut the fuck up, Scotty. Did anyone tell you you could run your mouth, asshole? You speak when spoken too.”

Charles Koch softened the mood with, “Rahm, we like what your boy Obama is doing on the domestic surveillance front. It helps legitimize our spying on and occassinal assassination of US citizens. We’ll have 10,000 drones in the air by the end of next year. And that limp dick Holder. He’s fuckin’ priceless. You can see he’s got a lot of white, Scotty Walker, type blood in him. Tell Barack to tell Holder to keep carrying the water and next we might let him chop some wood.”

“Anything else,” Emanuel asked.

No. You’ve got your marching orders,” Charles Koch says. “We’ll send you copies of our position paper, Fire Sale America, as well as the taste in fifties we talked about earlier on the phone. We’ll send Scotty. He’ll be our good old fashioned bag man.”

“Mule,” says Scotty.

“Shut the fuck up, Scotty, and come over here and tea bag my brother's sweaty balls,” replies David Koch. “And your next Rahm. Just David. Ryan and Romney have already sucked me dry.”