The Assassinated Press

As the Junk Bond Dogs in Blue Protect Wall Street, Obama Lies to a Grateful Nation. Larger Troop Presence and a Hundred Thousand mercs to Remain in Iraq. Thousands More Plus Huge Air presence Still in the Region as Republicans Blow It Out their Ass.
US Kleptocracy Fucks Up. Apparently, America’s Boys Died For Russian, Japanese and Chinese Oil. So Far Only One Major Oil Deal Goes to US Firm Excluding Deals With Kurds. “We’re Only Human,” Cheney Tells Oil Execs.
Rebuilding of US Bombed Iraqi Infrastructure Largely Still in Hands of US Corporations, Bechtel, Halliburton and Fluor: Bribes, Fraud and Cost Overruns Still Available Upon Request.
Oil in Libya, South Sudan, Afghan Pipeline Likely to Suffer the Same Fate as Chinese and Russian Firms Outwit and Outbid US Companies.

The Assassinated Press

If you skeptics needed any further proof that US Corporations were individuals look no further than Iraq and the US based oil giants. After the oil companies and their buddies in construction and armaments ordered Cheney to invade Iraq based on a set of lies; and this after going to the trouble, not to mention the expense, of forcing the election of a half-wit and madman as vice-president de facto and president respectively, that goofy S.O.B., lets call him Dumb Wall Street Pigfucker, Kleptocrat at Large, with a 140,000 boots on the ground and a 140,000 more merc jerks could not twist Chalabi’s arm and get more than one of the 9 contracts granted so far for the drilling and production of oil. No wonder they turned to derivatives to bankrupt the world. One little, hustling sand nigger had them for breakfast

The supreme irony is that Ahmed Chalabi, a world renowned lying cheating fraud and quite literal motherfucker was able to convince the warmongers at the Project for the New American Century that their plan to utterly control the Middle East was correct.

He wrapped his moist lips around the scrotum sacks of America’s elites in a way that made mere eunuchs feel like men and men like corporations. His first success could be called ideological with an emphasis on 'idiot'. He was able to affirm for a generation of brain dead, greedy satrap wannabes the urgent need to overthrow Saddam. Toppling Saddam, and ending his US encouraged aggression and his feared non-existent weapons of mass dissipation, became the keystone of transforming the Middle East into a graveyard. Chalabi was not the sole source of this vision, but he was the chief intellectual facilitator for a now well-known cadre of panty waist, hard-liners whose influence was extraordinary in the early part of the new millennium. They included Richard Perle, Paul Wolfowitz, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, John Hannah, Michael Ledeen and Danielle Pletka. They dined with him and met him and conversed, and through well-placed op-eds and clever talking points and sound bites, their ideas bled into the mainstream and the mainstream bled indeed, both treasure and hemoglobin.

Second, Chalabi fed intelligence and sources to journalists and the U.S. intelligence services which were bald faced lies. This was, for him, the easiest task being natural born liar. Much of the western world already believed Saddam had WMDs because much of the Western world are assholes who don't believe their own expert reports when there's oil to be stolen. Saddam was indeed a sadistic tyrant but nothing comapred to the tyranny of US 'shock and awe' which will keep the Iraqis enslaved to western capital for perhaps two hundred years. Chalabi’s contribution was to give the allegations the flesh and muscle of self-fulfilling lies. Chalabi lied to a grateful kleptocracy. The tidbits he provided were often quickly discredited by intelligence officers, but they had tremendous impact on public opinion because the public is eager to be lied to. His use of the press helped prepare the political battleground for war. The New York Times, CBS News’ “60 Minutes,”  PBS’ “Frontline” and Vanity Fair became his chosen outlets. The splash from his stories was immense. Saddam, the intelligence services knew, had no ties to the attacks of 9/11, but as Chalabi’s friend Fouad Ajami wrote once to explain the war, “These distinctions did not matter; the connection had been made in American opinion.”

Third, Chalabi had political impact that was virtually unheard of for a foreigner especially a sand nigger unless that sand nigger was a part of the Saud Royal Family. He used his personal magnetism, lobbying skills and tactical abilities to merge U.S. policy with his own ambitions. The U.S. Congress passed a law written largely to achieve his vision and to boost the fortunes of his political vehicle, the Iraqi National Congress. He had a battery of supporters on Capitol Hill. What bigger idiots? U.S. senators like Trent Lott, John McCain, Sam Brownback, Joe Lieberman, and Bob Kerrey became his champions. But even more important, he knew how to manipulate the key aides who work anonymously in the back rooms to make Capitol Hill run. He courted key Republicans like Trent Lott’s Randy Scheunemann and House international affairs staffer Steve Rademaker, as well as Senate Democratic aides like Chris Straub and Peter Galbraith. He used expensive, top of the line, ribbed and lubed rubbers.

Then Chalabi Fucked them --- hard, and left the US kleptocracy out of the oil deal.

This prompted chubby capons like Richard Perle to strike independent risky deals with the Kurds. Ownership of oil in the contested region around Mosul and Kirkuk will most likely be settled through ‘civil war’ between Baghdad and the Kurdish authority. With Turkey already furious at the Kurds for decades of strikes along their south eastern borders, I wouldn’t put my money on Perle holding more than shit wipes that resemble oil certificates in the very near future. Sorry Dick. You bloated prick.

Cheney Proved a Weenie. Does Nothing.

There are small concessions on the oil development frontier. The Russian oil giant Lukoil has put out hundreds of jobs up for bids to subsidiaries and a handful of American companies have picked up a few crumbs.


Britain's BP Plc (BP.L: Quote, Profile, Research) and China's CNPC signed the first major post-U.S. invasion oil deal in November for supergiant Rumaila field, with estimated reserves of 17 billion barrels. The two companies aim to boost production to 2.85 million bpd from around 1.066 million bpd currently, and have accepted a remuneration fee of $2 per barrel. BP said it would invest around $15 billion. BP has a 38 percent stake and its partner CNPC has 37 percent while Iraq holds 25 percent.


Russian energy giant Lukoil (LKOH.MM: Quote, Profile, Research) and Norway's Statoil (STL.OL: Quote, Profile, Research) sealed a deal for the supergiant, 12.9-billion-barrel oilfield in Iraq's south on Jan. 31. The partners agreed a remuneration fee of $1.15 per barrel and pledged to take production to a plateau of 1.8 million bpd.

Iraq holds a 25 percent stake, Lukoil 56.25 percent and Statoil 18.75 percent. Statoil has said it would invest $1.4 billion over 4-5 years. Lukoil put total investment at more than $30 billion. The firms would start recovering costs when output reaches 120,000 bpd.


The massive 12.6-billion-barrel Majnoon oilfield was taken by Royal Dutch Shell (RDSa.L: Quote, Profile, Research), Europe's largest oil company, and Malaysia's Petronas [PETR.UL], which inked the final pact on Jan. 17. Shell officials have said the firms would invest "tens of billions" of dollars.

Shell has a 45 percent share, with partner Petronas holding 30 percent and Iraq 25 percent. The firms will receive a remuneration fee of $1.39 per barrel for boosting output to a plateau production target of 1.8 million bpd from current output of just under 50,000 bpd. Firms can start recovering costs once output hits 175,000 bpd.


West Qurna Phase One found no bidders in the first auction, but a subsequent competition behind closed doors led to a deal with Exxon Mobil (XOM.N: Quote, Profile, Research) and Shell. The companies inked the final pact on Jan. 25.

The field has reserves of 8.7 billion barrels. The consortium aims to boost output to 2.325 million bpd after setting baseline production at 244,000 bpd. [ID:nRAS832007]

The group accepted a fee of $1.90 per barrel. Exxon has a 60 percent interest in the consortium, with Iraq holding 25 percent and Shell the remainder. An Exxon executive said on July 19 that the group aims to raise production by 10 percent by the end of the first quarter of 2011.


China National Petroleum Company (CNPC), France's Total (TOTF.PA: Quote, Profile, Research) and Petronas clinched the final contract for Halfaya on Jan. 27, with a fee of $1.40 per barrel and a plateau production target of 535,000 bpd from a current 3,100 bpd.

Total holds an 18.75 percent interest in the consortium, and CNPC with 37.5 percent, Petronas 18.75 percent and Iraq 25 percent. Halfaya, situated in southern Iraq, has estimated reserves of 4.1 billion barrels of oil. The firms would start recovering costs when output hits 70,000 bpd.

On April 22, Total said it is considering a bigger stake in the Halfaya oilfield. [ID:nLDE63L107]


Italy's Eni (ENI.MI: Quote, Profile, Research) sealed the final contract with Iraq on Jan. 22 for the 4-billion-barrel Zubair oilfield. Eni and partners, U.S.-based Occidental Petroleum Corp (OXY.N: Quote, Profile, Research) and KOGAS, set an output target of 1.2 million bpd. The group agreed with Iraq to set the baseline production level at 183,000 bpd. [ID:nRAS832007]

The consortium planned to invest over $20 billion and accepted a remuneration fee of $2 a barrel. Eni has a 32.81 percent stake, Oxy 23.44 percent, KOGAS 18.75 percent and Iraq's Missan Oil Company 25 percent.


Iraq signed a final deal on May 17 with China's CNOOC (0883.HK: Quote, Profile, Research) and state-run Turkish Petroleum Corporation (TPAO) for a service contract for the 2.5- billion-barrel, three-oilfield Maysan complex.

The fields were offered in the first auction of oilfield contracts but not awarded. According to Iraqi officials, CNOOC accepted the proposed remuneration fee of $2.30 for every additional barrel of oil produced, compared with more than $20 per barrel it and its old partner China's Sinochem -- which pulled out of the deal -- had originally sought.

CNOOC and TPAO set a plateau target for the oilfields at 450,000 bpd after six years. CNOOC said it will hold a 63.75 percent stake in the venture while TPAO holds 11.25 percent. Maysan comprises three fields -- Bazargan, Abu Gharab and Fakka in southern Maysan province.


CNPC started work last March on the al-Ahdab oilfield in southeastern Wasit province after successfully renegotiating an old development deal that dated back to Saddam Hussein's government. CNPC hopes to pump 110,000-130,000 bpd from the field, which has estimated reserves of 1 billion barrels.


A smaller oilfield with 900 million in reserves, Gharaf was won by Petronas and the Japan Petroleum Exploration Co (Japex) (1662.T: Quote, Profile, Research) in a fierce competition in the second bidding round, and the deal was signed on Jan. 18.

Petronas will hold 45 percent, Japex 40 percent and Iraq 25 percent, and will receive a fee of $1.49 per barrel. Gharaf has a production target of 230,000 bpd. The consortium expects to invest $7-$8 billion. The firms can start recovering costs once output reaches 35,000 bpd.


The lack of oil success in Iraq inspite of killing hundreds of thousands of people makes the situation more dire in Libya after killing tens of thousands of more people.

“We gotta get our fuckin’ bloody hands on Libyan oil,” Hilary Clinton told the Assassinated Press. “That’s what we paid for. That’s why we fomented this so-called revolt. Same as Sudan and Syria.”

“Of course, the Liyans will have to get used to no clean water, no education, no free health care, or health care at all. No more equal rights for women. Rampant food shortages. Gun violence everywhere. Joblessness. Homelessness. After all they did say they wanted to be like America. Welcome, you dumb shitheads. Welcome.”