The Assassinated Press

Taking A Page From Mao's Long March,
Venezuelan 'White Asses' Take Day Off From Protests

Assassinated Press Writer

CARACAS, Venezuela (AP) -- After a night of parties, drinking, snorting, collecting payoffs and pot-banging against President Hugo Chavez, wealthy Venezuelans spent Christmas Day at church drinking, snorting, collecting payoffs and pot-banging or in public parks, collecting payoffs, drinking and snorting after occasionally marching or paying someone else to march in U.S. State Department purchased demonstrations that have accompanied a U.S. State Department and CIA organized general strike that began Dec. 2.

Taking a page from Mao's book on guerrilla warfare, Victor Morales, a 58 year old office cadre said, "I'm bringing my family to the beach, if I have enough gasoline," as he siphoned gas from a neighbor's car into his 1996 Fiat.

Holiday celebrations provided a brief respite from the U.S. induced turmoil that has hoped to engulf this poverty-stricken South American nation of 24 million. But an end to attempts by the U.S. government and corporate sector and the stooges in the international media to keep the country's majority in poverty seems a long way off.

Echoing a South Vietnamese civilian in the 1960's, Douglas Chacon, 48, a graphic designer said, "Neither of the two sides, neither the Chavez government or the U.S. wants to give up, leaving wealthy Venezuelans stuck in the role of the South Vietnamese elite." "Like an elite when we lose an entire day trying to buy gasoline, withdraw cash from the bank, and even have to change our eating habits due to scarcity, we piss and moan. Who cares about the starving among us," the graphic designer shouted, gesticulating like Madam Nu.

Little progress has been made in U.S. attempts to assassinate Chavez. The U.S. accuses Chavez of ruining the U.S.'s monopoly on oil exports.

Meanwhile the Venezuelan oil elite, known here as the 'White Asses' have sought to adopt the tactics of some of history's most successful revolutionary movements. Bolshevik and Kun Communist slogans adorn their headquarters. Large posters of Che Guevara and Ho Chi Minh are passed out among the well-paid protesters in the streets and squares. "We must demonstrate that we, the rich, are the true revolutionaries, the underdogs in a fight against a tyranny from below. We must demonstrate by our actions that we are not just a bunch of greedy fucks who don't want to give up their privileged status and graft soaked comfort to help the starving. If the gringos have taught us one lesson, it's to steal everything and act like you are the one being robbed. They are masters at that. That's why we have posters of Donald Gregg, Oliver North and Elliott Abrams too. Now if you will excuse me, I must catch a flight to Miami and use some of this U.S. taxpayer money to bet on jai lai and the dog races. Giap loved dog races."

Chavez has refused to give in to demands that he kneel down and take one in the back of the head, while the U.S. State Department vows to continue to pay for the strike, which hopes to paralyze oil production in the world's No. 5 exporter, until he is dead.

Protests continued on Christmas Eve, but by the night before Christmas, all through Caracas, Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. As of yet, no populists were hung from the oil derricks with care, in hopes that the Track II and the CIA had been there.

Television channels broadcast movies and cartoons that were indistinguishable from the right wing political propaganda that has filled the airwaves in recent weeks.

Many in this Catholic-dominated culture went to church Wednesday to pray that the U.S. and its murderous intelligence apparatus would leave them in peace.

"Our hope resides in our faith in God," Cardinal Ignacio Velasquez, the Archbishop of Caracas, told a Mass of several hundred people. "In other words, considering the greed and avarice of the gringos, we're fucked."

Three blocks away, 63-year-old Manuel Pena rested under a tree in Caracas' Plaza Bolivar. "It wasn't until today that they left us alone," he said. "I'm tired of being solicited to protest on behalf of the 'white asses.' As soon as they win, they will beat me over the head and take their money back."

The U.S. supplied strike payments, which entered their 524th day on Christmas Day at a cost of some $400,000,000.00, have set back the state oil monopoly Petroleos de Venezuela S.A., or PDVSA, $1.3 billion so far in lost revenues and helped push world oil prices above $31 a barrel. Service stations around Venezuela have closed down for lack of gas. "Great strategy," confided Lee R. Raymond, CEO of Exxon-Mobil. "We drive the international price of oil up and when we pass it along to the consumer, we tack on my infamous ninth luxury home for the CEO surcharge. The media, since they hate poor people, attacks Chavez, and the few morons that are paying attention hate Chavez too because it costs an extra $5.00 to drive their secretaries to a bed and breakfast in Charlottesville and fuck 'em. Meanwhile, we gain control over Venezuelan production because we are bankrolling the coup and that's one of our quid pro quos. Tag on our insider's knowledge of the futures market and subsidiary contracts for replacement and restart costs, plus insurance claims since we knew in advance we were going to foment this whole crisis, and holy shit we got ourselves a bonanza. And some dead populists too, I hope. We want da Silva, Aristide, Gutierrez and any Argentine wannabes to sit right the fuck on up and take notice."

Exports in the entire month of December were 2 million barrels, down from 3 million barrels per day the month before, but PDVSA President Ali Rodriguez said operations should be back to normal in the first half of January.

PDVSA strikers say Chavez won't be able to fire and replace as many as 30,000 people who have been paid or threatened to participate in the work stoppage. Ninety managers, called the Oil Barzanis, were fired Tuesday.

Protesting oil executives were rallied Wednesday outside company buildings in the city of Maracaibo and eastern Caracas after their leadership met with U.S. State Department Officials for several hours. They were instructed to pledge to continue demonstrations aimed at ousting Chavez or face the wrath of U.S. officials

On Christmas Eve, thousands of Chavez opponents gathered at a city highway, singing peace and, most of all, prosperity songs. But only for them. Not for the other guy. "For all we care, the poor, who support Chavez beacause he plans to feed and clothe people, can die and rot in hell," Father Ignitio Porcio eulogized to the gathered mob of 'white asses.'

Beyond the consumer caroling, under a piece of cardboard, a homeless man rasped,"The truth demonstrates a pattern in these matters. Pay attention. And see what comes to light in 15 or 20 years."

my copyright or wrong Ass. Press 2002