The Assassinated Press

SWAT TEAMS=DEATH SQUADS. Krupnik and his Arizona Swat Team Pigs Wallow in Their Own Shit.
In Kentucky You Better Not be Taking a Shit When the Police Come Knocking.
Diebolt Introduces Device that Can Detect a Toilet Flushing From 600 Yards and a Drone from 1000 Feet.

The Assassinated Press

Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik is the kind of first class shit you find running most of the police departments in the US and death squads in Central America. His career dramatically parallels Salvadoran Arena Party, US death squad darling Roberto D’Aubuisson or former leader of Haiti’s murderous Ton Ton Macoute, the so-called ‘Vampire of the Caribbean’, Luckner Cambronne.

You can nit-pick if you want but Dupnik, D’Aubuisson and Cambronne are cut from the same bloody cloth wiped between their mamas legs. They all created para-militaries with US taxpayer money. And they gathered around them a gang of psychopaths whose most fervent wet dream is to play with their lethal toys and kill people.

It used to be that the opportunity to kill people at will in the US was somewhat dampened by the rule of law unless, of course, you were black or Latino. Then you were/are fucking fair game. But that rule of law shit is rapidly evaporating and people are going down. And that means anybody -- white, black, yellow or brown .

Shithead Rupnik did not like Gabrielle Giffords’ politics. So, even after numerous death threats the fucking asshole left her vulnerable. The result: 6 people dead and many more including Giffords wounded.

You know Rupnik and his people were just salivating over the opportunity to play with their new Homeland Security supplied toys and gun down Giffords themselves like D’Aubuisson did Bishop Romero or Cambronne did to thousands of Haitians at the behest of the US. Fuck you assholes. Be patient. You’re just one or two Supreme Court rulings from walking into a day care center or union meeting and gunning down anything that moves. Don’t worry, Scalia will cover for ya. The syphilitic fuck thinks he’s the godfather anyway. Ever heard him do his Brando after he’s snorted a few lines. I have. Its spot on!

Now, Rupnik’s death squad has put 71 slugs into Jose Guerena a young husband and father, an Iraq veteran, who worked nights in a mine. Hey. Fuck We all know mine workers are fucking expendable and probably unionized. Right Blankenship, you fuckin’ murderous sociopath.

Rupnik’s and his people fucked up. But in Arizona or the Supreme Court nobody trumps the law of the gun. And Homeland Security funded death squads proliferate across America.

Turn to another US backwater, Kentucky. Police entered the wrong home without a warrant because they said they heard the toilet flush in the apartment and believed the residents were flushing contraband.

“Oh fuck no. It was just a huge ass mellon brought on by six Whoppers and a dozen Taco Bell faux meat tacos with hot sauce,” protested the defendant, University of Kentucky Agriculture major Fred Butts. But the Kentucky police concluded and the Supreme Court agreed that to take such a humongous dump Mr. Butts must have had the munchies and therefore ipso facto was smoking dope though apparently not as much as the Supreme Court or Kentucky police.

The case went all the way to the Supreme Court. In writing the majority decision, Justice Samuel Alito said that residents who “attempt to destroy evidence have only themselves to blame” when police burst in.

Upon hearing the Court decision, Diebolt jumped in introducing its new Ferret Flush 5000 which can detect a toilet flushing from six hundred yards and have a swat team at bowl side before the contraband can swirl away.

Diebolt spokesman, oh shit, let’s call him Donny Dickwad, touted the 5000 as the latest in crime and constitution prevention. “We’re killing two birds here. Filling empty beds in private prisons. And the Fourth Amendment.”