The Assassinated Press

David Koch’s Prostate Cancer Returns. Doctors Give Him Three Months To Live.
Billionaire sought to take millions of Americans to the grave with him.
Caudillo of the Tea Party Makes Appeal to Heaven; Is Directed Due South to the Headquarters of the Red States.
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it".--- Mark Twain
Cancer Returns in Three Other Brothers.

The Assassinated Press

David Koch is dying. The billionaire polluter of everything he touches from industry, to his own family, to politics, is about to meet his maker. And that maker is not god.

Pissin’ away good money

Koch has pledged $750 million dollars to his Cancer Research Institute in order to prolong his own life so he can continue to fuck his trophy wife with his diseased cock, but to no avail. He’s a dead man.

Koch was apoplectic when billions for cancer research from the federal budget were cut because this would hamper the efforts of his Cancer Institute which largely depended on additional federal money.

But who's responsible for making these crippling cutbacks? Some of the very Republicans that David Koch and his brother, Charles, have bankrolled in their deep-pocketed—and successful—effort to astroturf the Tea Party and help the GOP win back the House.

"This is a clear indication that Koch is not a man of high I.Q." cancer reseacher, Omlay Winbow told the Assassinated Press.

He’s also given millions to Aubrey de Grey’s Gerontological Society of America,[5] the American Aging Association, the Institute for Ethics and Emerging Technologies, and Singularity Institute for Artificial Intelligence, despite de Grey’s insistence that Koch is “too far gone. Diseased beyond redemption."

His wife, Balooga, has objected to these expenditures claiming that the research is unlikely to lead to a cure and even if it did Koch would already be dead and she could better spend the money on shoes, pool boys and a seventh home.

Aubrey de Grey Goo

Koch has also funded nano-technologies that have stated claims of one day curing many cancers. But today those very nano-particles and buckeyfullerenes cause cancers in billions of living organisms including humans. Every man, woman and child and living plant or animal now has billions of nano-particles in their bodies working their cancerous ways into vulnerable tissues and organs.

If Koch's cancer is a metaphor for Koch himself why doesn't he have ass cancer?

With an irony utterly justifiable in light of a cruel, unforgiving Old Testament god, Koch’s prostate cancer is the result of his many years in the refining and chemical industries polluting the world.

Koch’s racism can be traced back to his failure as a basketball player.

Out of a sense of vengeance and personal tantrum for his disease, Koch has bought and paid for Americans for Prosperity (AFP), an organization dedicated to lowering health standards, increasing pollution exponentially, promoting racism, attacking the poor, the elderly, trade unions and the public school system, disenfranchising millions of Americans, in short taking as many people with him before he dies.

An informal poll showed that David Koch follows only Henry Kissinger, Toby Keith, Karl Rove and Dick Cheney among people that Americans would like to see suffer a horrible, painful death, just ahead of Koch’s brother Charles, Don Rumsfeld and Jamie Dimon.

Billionaire sought to take millions with him to the grave.

International retailer is stocking up on the celebratory champagne and complimentary shovels awaiting the big day. "When Koch kicks its like Mark Twain said 'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.'"

Terrorist Koch

Upon learning of his cancer Koch acted like a “petulant little child” according to his brother, William. He determined that life “wasn’t fair. Poor people die, not me. I’ll play upon the inchoate fears of bigoted whites and take a few million people down with me. I’ll show them. Mommy.”