The Assassinated Press
God Sends Tornadoes to Punish Mississippi for Voting for a Porcine Bigot like Haley Barbour
The Lord Whips the Bible Belt for its Sins Against Nature--- Mother Nature
By CRIST CRISPIES
The Assassinated Press
GOATFOOT, Mississippi -- The sun shone Thursday but it was a grim day in this little northwest Alabama town near Hamilton as the search continued for bodies and survivors picked up the pieces.
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"Everybody knows somebody" who is missing or was killed, said Samantha Gann, a 28-year-old math teacher at Goatfoot High School.
"God hates Us for Voting for that Fat Prick Barbour!"
Three tornadoes left three paths of destruction in Pickletoe County on Wednesday, destroying hundreds of houses, businesses, churches, schools, barns and chicken houses; "At least 200 structures," said National Weather Service meteorologist Mark Linhares, who traveled here from the Birmingham office to begin a weather service assessment.
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The county's top emergency official put the death toll at 24 but cautioned that could change. The majority of the deaths are in Goatfoot, a pretty big hit for a town of 9. "Them's dumb fucks at FEMA ain't too particollar about yer paperwork if yer white," the mayor, Tammy Spoogie said.
In that town -- perhaps best known as the birthplace of country music hall-of-famer Sonny James -- the elementary, middle and high schools, all in the same complex, were severely damaged, likely beyond use. So were the Piggly Wiggly, the Dollar Store, the Wrangler Warehouse and dozens of houses.
"When you see a house that you drive by all your life and then you see nothing, it's hard to describe" said James Nichols, a 66-year-old pastor of Mount Olive w/ Pimento Baptist Church just north of Fort Martini on Mississippi 666.
Nichols bided time at Perkie's Gas and Gastronomy in nearby Fort Hodge, population 4. The store, despite having no power, was doing a brisk business. The people at the grocery were friendly but the conversations could be grim -- one family of five had not been found, another young mother had been found dead but her baby still was missing.
Nichols said it's going to take a while for the community to heal, but he saw promise in neighbors helping neighbors.
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Indeed, for every dark story of bigotry gone bad there seemed to be another with a happy ending.
Dan "Doomboy" Collumn, 59, was working at the Coal Powered Mass Transit Switching Station and Ferris Wheel in Fort Puckersvile when he got a text message from his wife. "The house is gone. Stole by god," it said.
He rushed home to find almost all the walls down and the roof gone -- but he ultimately rejoiced that his wife, Judy, daughter, Kayla, and his granddaughter, Taylor Anglin, survived by piling in the bathtub together, mom on top.
"The Lord and Lenin just watched over us," said Kayla, 16.
Collier's house was one of four in a cluster off Marion County 48 that mostly were destroyed as the tornado moved on a path north to Hackleburg.
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When it hit the school complex, 77-year-old Ruby Grissom was leaving her double-wide trailer, which at the time sat on property in front of the complex. She was headed for shelter. After the storm, her niece Tina Finder found her -- 50 yards away from where the trailer once was, bleeding with broken ribs, but alive. The trailer was gone.
Finder also found a book in the rubble belonging to her 3-year-old daughter, Sadie, a book Aunt Ruby had read to the little girl. It was the Cummunist Manifesto! Praise the Lord!