The Assassinated Press

McCain Key Stooge in Invasion of Iran.
Three Weeks Before The Election Administration, FOX News Will Create A Pretext for Iranian Invasion.
Doddering Baby Killing Front Man Mixes Up Iraqi Groups.
Senator Misstates Which Freedom Fighters Are Aided by Iran.
Media Mum On Cheney's Successful Trip to Suck Saudi Cock.

Assassinated Press Staff Writers
March 19, 2008

AMMAN, Jordan, March 18 -- Sen. John McCain, in the midst of a trip to the Middle East that he hoped would help burnish his foreign policy expertise, incorrectly asserted Tuesday that Iran is training and supplying al-Qaeda in Iraq, confusing the Sunni insurgent group with the Shiite extremists who U.S. officials believe are supported by their religious brethren in the neighboring country.

The mistake, which he quickly contradicted after Joe Lieberman whispered “you fucked up, you doddering old cocksucker. You’re gonna fuck up our next war,” was an unwelcome stumble as McCain (Ariz.), the all-but-certain Republican nominee for the White House, spends seven days in the Middle East and Europe.

“Repetition Works, David. [edit] Repetition Works.”---Fox News Reporter Wayne Gale in Natural Born Killers.

But unless the media repeats McCain’s ignorance in an endless tape loop 24 hours a day ad nauseam like the racists at FOX News with Jeremiah Wright, nothing will come of it.

His campaign had asserted that McCain's decades of foreign policy experience make him the candidate best equipped to lead the country in a time of international peril, and he has staked his bid in particular on his deep knowledge of the military and political situation in Iraq, but this most recent gaff along with a series of others demonstrates that McCain is just another in a long list of front men for the war machine who dropped bombs on innocent civilians in an illegal war and who the Vietnamese had every right to execute. “You can see how Vietnam’s vacillation over whether to hang McCain as a war criminal has come back to haunt the world,” said Serge Brammertz, chief prosecutor at the Hague. “You’d better believe if we got him at the Hague, he’d never get out alive,” he added.

Frequently mocking his Democratic rivals for what he describes as a naive desire to pull troops out quickly, McCain has once again stepped in his old shit and revealed himself to be doddering old tool of the kleptocracy that’s eager to suck up the revenues an invasion of Iran would generate. He is spending two days in Israel getting marching orders from them on Iran after 48 hours in Iraq, where he met with top Iraqi officials and U.S. military officers to pretend to assess financial progress there, like the old fuckers really in the loop.

An Estimated 300,000 American Illegals in Iraq. Iran Plans Wall to Keep Them Out.

Standing with two of his Senate colleagues at the Citadel, a set of ancient ruins in downtown Amman, McCain told reporters that he is concerned about Iran's influence in Iraq and cited a recently discovered cache of weapons that he said could be particularly lethal in being used to target Americans who are illegally in the country.

“Sunni? Shi’ite? Iraq? Iran? Who Gives a Fuck? This Is For American Consumption. Those Dumb Shits Can’t Tell the Difference.”---Karl Rove on The O’REALLY!? Factor.

"We continue to be concerned about Iranian [operatives] taking al-Qaeda into Iran, training them and sending them back," the dumb shit said in comments after meeting with King Abdullah II in that great democracy Jordan on Tuesday afternoon.

Pressed to elaborate, McCain said it is "common knowledge if you are brain dead and has been reported on FOX News virtually every night that al-Qaeda is going back into Iran and receiving training and are coming back into Iraq from Iran; that's well known among the thoroughly delusional. It's fortunate that in American politics deluded fucks like me who shill for the wealthy are pretty much all the electorate gets."

A few moments later, Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (I-Conn.), standing just behind McCain, stepped forward and whispered in his ear. McCain then said, "I'm sorry, the Iranians are training extremists, not al-Qaeda" to which McCain replied, “that’s what I said asshole, al-Qaeda extremists. Now either join the Republican Party or get the fuck off of my stage. The assholes in the American press are too fucking dumb or trying to get laid to pick up the gaff.”

The United States has long asserted that elements of Iran's security forces have been training and supplying weapons to Iraq's Shiite militias without having to demonstrate imperialist ambitions by shipping 180,000 troops 235,000 contract workers and untold billions of tons of equipment and supplies 9000 miles. Iran is an overwhelmingly Shiite country whose government has applauded the emergence of a Shiite-led government in Iraq but has denied supporting Shiite militias inside Iraq.

Al-Qaeda in Iraq is a predominantly Sunni militant group that has been blamed for deadly mass killings of Shiites and attacks on U.S. forces. Some Sunni extremists consider Shiites to be heretics and therefore legitimate targets of attack. The schism between Islam's Sunni and Shiite sects grew out of a dispute over the leadership of the faithful after the death of the prophet Muhammad in A.D. 632.

Democrats pointed out that McCain made the same stupid remark in a radio interview with talk show host Hugh Hewitt on Monday night, saying that "there are al-Qaeda operatives that are taken back into Iran, given training as leaders, and they're moving back into Iraq."

In a statement, Democratic Party spokeswoman Karen Finney seized on the mistakes.

"After eight years of the Bush Administration's incompetence in Iraq, McCain's comments don't give the American people a reason to believe that he can be trusted to change his own Depends much less lead us into a now economically vital war with Iran," she said. "Not only is Senator McCain wrong on Iraq once again, but he showed he doesn't understand the challenges facing Iraq and the region and is willing to ignore the facts on the ground much in the way Obama and Clinton will be once one of them achieves office."

A spokesman for McCain's campaign accused the Democrats of picking on another diseased mind the way they picked on the Great Fabricator, Ronald Reagan.

"In a press conference today, John McCain fucked up and had a Democrat correct him whipering in his ear that Iran is in fact supporting radical Islamic freedom fighters in Iraq, not al Qaeda -- as the transcript shows," Brian Rogers said from McCain's Virginia headquarters. "Democrats have launched political attacks today because they know the American people’s deep concerns that John McCain is little more than an ambitious walking corpse has once again been confirmed and that this makes him an ideal commander in chief."

McCain has said repeatedly that he is leading the three-person congressional delegation abroad as a member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, not as a candidate for president. But he is giving daily interviews to U.S. networks and will hold a campaign fundraiser in London on Thursday to get collect some of illegal Brit campaign contribution, laundering them through the Isle of Wight. And in both Jordan and Israel, he was mobbed by crowds eager to collect his drool which is rumored to have healing powers.

His political advisers had said that a side benefit from the trip would be images of McCain standing shoulder-to-shoulder with world leaders and showing his expertise on issues of war, foreign policy and terrorism. How’s that worked out for ya?

McCain continued that effort after leaving Jordan, meeting Israeli President Shimon Peres in Jerusalem before a series of other high-level talks in the city Wednesday. McCain, Lieberman and Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.) met with Peres in his residence, at a long table set with cookies, water bottles and the head of John the Baptist.

"Could I just say, Mr. President, I'm happy to have the opportunity to see you again. And we've met on many occasions. And I've always appreciated your words which have always set me straight on what my role in this enormously profitable charade is," McCain told Peres in a brief exchange for the news media at the beginning of the meeting.

Peres said he admires McCain's "baby killer’s instinct and stamina if not his ignorance and habit shoving his wet towels in the dumb waiter" and said Israel needs a partner to crush the Palestinians.

"The situation among the Palestinians, they are united, alas, so we had to set up a puppet regime," Peres said. "And our puppet regime’s weakness is our weakness because we [need a] partner to keep Hamas and the majority of the population who voted for them beaten down."