The Assassinated Press

In a Celebratory Mood, Police, DA burn 12 Buildings in Ferguson.

The Assassinated Press

St. Louis County Police Chief Jon Belmar said early Tuesday, “We didn’t fire a shot. We let our fellow KKK members do it. The police were too busy burning down businesses to make the protestors look bad. If you’d get off your fat asses and look closely we only burned businesses that were behind in the protection money they owed us police or had delinquent traffic tickets.”

Belmar added, “As far as know we didn’t kill nobody. Now, that’s as far as I know. Our KKK friends. They’re another story.”

"Let this be a warning. Not a fuckin' thing changes 'round hereya." --- Jon 'Bedbug' Belmar

Belmar added “I hope this grand jury coercion not to indict Wilson sends a chill through the hearts all of you niggers and beaners, chinks and guineas, kikes and redskins who dare think they deserve an equal shake from me and whitey. O also hope that anyone thinking of emigrating to America think twice before they come.”

At that moment 8 Ferguson cops in fire retardant gear and smelling of lighter fluid came in through a side door. They were given a standing ovation by the assembled Swiners.

“Here are our heroes. Trained in the military to burn down villages. Now, among Ferguson’s finest. Let’s get fuckin’ blasted and celebrate our impunity to rape, extort, loot, burn and kill. Ah, those pussies in Washington. They ain’t got the balls to do shit given the Clinton’s close ties to Missouri law enforcement, the Private Security Industry and our benefactors at Homeland Security.”

Meanwhile, Ferguson DA Robert McCulloch delivered a heartfelt warning of his own to anyone of color. The message was clear, “A nigger killed my father so I’m going to get my revenge on you people any way I can. I’m just another sick, sick individual in a position of authority in the most powerfully hypocritical country in world history.”

Then McCulloch retired his office where he auto-asphyxiated with the same noose used to lynch Emmett Till which he received as a token of appreciation from the Frank ‘Bedbug’ Ancona, the imperial wizard of the Missouri-based Traditionalist American Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.