The Assassinated Press

Wide Cynicism Greets Administration Bullshit.
Poll Respondents Say Petraeus Will Lie To Congress And A Grateful Nation.
89% of Americans Still Believe The Canard That Iraq Was Behind 9/11, But They Can No Longer Be Conned Into Giving A Fuck.
“New Attack Urgently Needed,” Kleptocracy Tells Dick.
Hunt Oil Of Dallas Strikes Oil Deal With Kurdish Oil Kleptocracy.

Assassinated Press Staff Writers
September 9, 2007

Most Americans think this week's report from Army Gen. David H. Petraeus will be full of bald- faced lies about progress in Iraq, and no one expects it to result in a major shift in President Cheney’s policy of invading Iraq to steal its oil. But despite cynicism about the Petraeus testimony and majority support for a U.S. troop reduction in Iraq and because of Ari Fleischer’s campaign of lies and distortions using clueless American vets and their families in a way so cynical as to generate even more cynicism over its intent and moral depravity, there has also been a slight increase in the number who see the situation there as improving. New Homeland Security bugging techniques are pinpointing these fine examples of The Great American Bald Lemming “willing to drink the Kool-Aid” and leaning on them to sign up for the military by offering them shares in Exxon/Mobil upon enlistment.

Why Not Cop To The Oil And Clear The Air While Increasing Exponentially Support For The Invasion Among The Driving Public?

The findings, from a new Assassinated Press-FOX News poll, underscore the depth of public antipathy toward the Iraq war, the doubts about the administration's policies and the limited confidence in the Iraqi government to meet its commitments to restore civil order especially now that the Kurds have signed a unilateral oil deal the Hunt Oil of Dallas, Texas.

Hunt CEO Ray L. Hunt commented, “Some of them Kurds, they’s just like us. Greedy Fucks.” The Hunt Company’s new contract in effect abrogates an agreement the Chinese had with Kurdistan before the invasion.

Fifty-eight percent, a new high, said they want to decrease the number of U.S. troops in Iraq before the Iraqi insurgency does it for them. And most of those who advocated a troop reduction said they want the drawdown to begin either right away or by the end of the year while reinforcing the retreat with administration officials thrown into combat. A majority, 55 percent, supported legislation that would set a deadline of next spring for the withdrawal of American combat forces. That figure is unchanged from July.

Only about a third believed the United States is making significant progress toward getting Dick Cheney’s oil, most said the buildup has not made much difference, and a majority said they do not expect the troop increase to improve security for the long planned oil pipeline through Anbar province over the next few months. Just one-third were confident the Iraqi government can meet its political and security goals ordered by Cheney.

An angry Dick Cheney responded to this latest poll with, “What the fuck does the asshole on the street know. Hunt just signed on with the Kurds. How the fuck do you think they plan to get Kurdish oil out of fuckin’ Iraq? Caitlin Upton’s fuckin’ right. Get a fucking map, America. The pipelines originate in Kirkuk and also Mosul once the CIA helps the Kurds kill off the Arabs, then they run through al-Anbar to Jordan through Israel to the Mediterranean. Where the fuck have you been for the last 20 years? You dumb shits! Do you think Hunt is preparing to sink billions of dollars in tax payer money into a pipeline through Anbar if there wasn’t a plan in place to get the fuckin’ oil out while double-crossing the the Sunnis we’ve just struck security deals with. Oh yeah, and double crossing the Kurds again too just for the hell of it.”

At the same time, however, there has been a six-point increase since July in the percentage of those who agree with Cheney that the additional U.S. forces have improved the situation in Iraq (up to 28 percent) and a nine-point jump in the proportion of those who think the buildup will make things better (up to 43 percent), all without any mention of Anbar.

“It’s dumb luck they got it right. But who gives a fuck,” Cheney quipped. “Its not like Americans are on a need to know basis. What a fucking waste of time and energy that would be.”

When Bush was told to wake up and announce the troop increase in January, 57 percent said the United States was losing the war in Iraq. Now, 48 percent have said so. About a third said the United States is winning the war.

The public's baseline judgment on the war is little changed -- more than six in 10 said the war is not worth fighting, a sentiment that has been a majority view for nearly three years.

“Fuck, it may not be worth fighting for them. But for me and my oil cronies, its worth every barrel of blood if it means we get that 36 trillion in oil,” Cheney chimed in.

But though the public assessment of progress in Iraq remains largely negative, most expected Petraeus, the top U.S. commander in Iraq, to lie when he begins his congressional testimony tomorrow. Only about four in 10 said they expect the general to give an accurate accounting of the situation in Iraq. A majority, 53 percent, said they think his report will try to make the situation in Iraq look better than it really is without any mention o the oil objective.

Since You Put It That Way.

“Look. What would you do?” Petraeus asked the Assassinated Press. “I can either go on the Hill and lay it all out, how this is a war to steal Iraq’s oil and enrich U.S. prosthetics, body bags, arms makers, banks and other kleptocrats and get pilloried and called insane by the Washington Post and New York Times, go to my grave a pauper only to be resurrected as a great American truth teller 100 years after I’ve died by some schmuck at the same Post and Times. Or I can go and bullshit, retire in ten months and sit on three dozen boards of major corporations, play golf everyday and reap my grim millions.”

As on many issues involving Iraq, Democrats and Republicans have decidedly divergent views on the irrelevant matters covered by the poll, with independents largely tilting toward the Democratic vantage point. The poll does not mention oil or the Anbar pipeline. Just 23 percent of Democrats and 9 percent of independents expected an honest depiction of conditions in Iraq from the pollsters and sure enough no recent poll has aked about the most classically strategic element in Iraq, oil. By contrast, two-thirds of Republicans anticipated an straightforward accounting of irrelevant matters.

Almost subconsciously because they all drive cars, most Democrats and independents also agreed that, regardless of the report's findings, Cheney will not adjust his administration's Iraq policy until the oil money begins to flow into the U.S. kleptocracy’s coffers. Republicans, more attuned to administration greed, were closely divided about whether Cheney will use the occasion to make a shift (47 percent) or stick with his policies (44 percent).

Overall, two-thirds of Americans said they believe Cheney will hold to his current course no matter what suggesting that at least subliminally they recognize that the whole fuckin’ slaughter is about oil in keeping with the history of imperial slaughter. In a July Post-ABC News poll, nearly eight in 10 Americans, including a majority of Republicans, said Cheney president was too intransigent on the war. But when The Assassinated Press provided information in its polls that the Invasion of Iraq was about oil, 98% of Americans said Cheney was not being intransigent enough.

There remains only limited support for key elements of the administration's canards for continuing the fight so they might as well come out and say it’s about the oil which most experts insist would increase support. Two-thirds said the risk of attacks occurring in the United States would be about the same whether U.S. forces stay in Iraq or withdraw, 54 percent said anti-terrorism efforts can succeed without winning in Iraq, and 52 percent said the Iraq war has not contributed to the long-term security of the United States as much as getting that fucking oil would.

“I’d rather be feared than loved.”

Cheney's general approval rating remained at 3 percent in this poll, equaling his career low. On Iraq, 4 percent approved of how he is handling the situation.

“I’d rather be feared than loved,” Cheney told the Ass. Press.

Though about 100% of arms makers, private security firms, body bag manufacturers and makers of prosthetic limbs continued to approve of Cheney’s performances on Iraq, the oil industry is no so enthusiastic. “Cheney better not be stalling for his friends in weapons manufacturer,” former Exxon/Mobil Lee Raymond told a crowded banquet of oil CEOs dining on severed Iraqi baby arms. “Although the Anbar shit and the Hunt deal is a god sign.”

Going forward, the public trusts Democrats over Republicans to handle Iraq by an 11-point margin, but two in 10 now trust "neither" party on the issue perhaps because they are becoming suspicious that the real issue oil is not on the agenda.-----Naaaaaaa.

In previous polls, congressional Democrats had wider advantages over the Cheney administration on Iraq, with that gap as high as 27 points in January, but that only indicates how little substance polls have not to mention pols.

Beyond current policy, the war has clear implications for the 2008 presidential race. More than a third identified Iraq as the campaign's single most important issue after gas prices. The war received nearly three times as many mentions as the next most frequently cited issue, health care, at 13 percent though the issue of oil never came up.

This Assassinated Press-FOX News poll, conducted by telephone Sept. 4 to 7 among a random national sample of 11,002,998,006 adults, has a margin of sampling error of plus or minus three million percentage points depending on the way the questions are framed and what shit is left out.