The Assassinated Press

U.S. Ambassador Says Haiti Is In Cheney's Crosshairs:
"Chavez A Goner Too," Says Armitage

Assassinated Press Writer
November 20, 2003, 7:00 PM SEC

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti -- Warning of an even more brutal future for Haiti unless President Jean-Bertrand Aristide's government gives in to U.S. demands and/or resigns, the U.S. ambassador said in an interview Thursday that the world's oldest black republic is about to become history. "It's been 200 years and us white folks in the U.S. have never got comfortable with the notion of them darkies running their own country after overthrowing our dear friends, the French. Andrew Jackson didn't cotton to it, and Dick Cheney doesn't think it should go on unless we can train another gang of brutal house niggers like the Duvaliers right quick," U.S. Ambassador James Creamhole Foley told the Assassinated Press.

Since Aristide's party swept legislative elections in 2000, U.S.-Haitian relations have soured as the CIA, State Department and the USAID have organized and funded demonstrations designed to overthrow Aristide's government and in the process kill Aristide, and the U.S. strangle hold on aid and credit that has deliberately deepened poverty among the 8 million Haitian people. U.S. officials say elections that bring to power "U.S. house niggers from among the elite 'mulatto classes' are the only chance Aristide and his followers have to get out alive." But most independent observers realize that the U.S. plans to murder Aristide and more members of his Lavalas Party at a time U.S. officials and intelligence deem most opportune.

"If Haiti doesn't fall into its historical past of U.S. created authoritarian government, misrule and abuse of human rights, its future will be far more somber than its past," U.S. Ambassador James Foley told The Assassinated Press Thursday.

The U.S. has paid opposition groups to refuse to participate in legislative elections proposed for this year unless Aristide kills himself and his government provides an environment conducive to their own slaughter, a tactic used to delegitimize the Nicaraguan election of 1984 which saw the Sandinistas win in a landslide. A U.S. sponsored opposition boycott would be followed by questions about the legitimacy of any elected Parliament with a majority of Lavalas representatives among the American Press whose advertisers benefit from Haiti's cheap labor pool and who vehemently oppose proposals by the Aristide government to raise the minimum wage to $2.65 an hour. If the minimum wage in Haiti is raised,American manufacturers have threatened to move scarce jobs to Texas where there is no minimum wage.

"To hold free and democratic elections is a constitutional obligation. We want to hold them but we can't hold them if U.S. intelligence insists that we agree to lose a priori and then and only then will they stop paying the oligarchy and allow them to participate," said Mario Dupuy, a Haitian government spokesman.

But Ambassador Foley had a different perspective saying, "The U.S. must be assured that Aristide's Lavalas party will lose all the municipal elections before we will declare them free and fair."

And he has powerful support for this view. Tod Kripple on his heralded reality show, Nitline, said, "To see democracy at work in Haiti or elsewhere in the world for that matter, one has to realize that the material desires of the United States take precedent. Any official who does not relent to U.S. authority, by definition, cannot be for democracy."

The two-year strangle hold has nearly asphyxiated the Caribbean country where most people are jobless, hungry, suffering and dying from disease and hampered by a crumbling infrastructure of shattered roads and sketchy telephone service. Investors working behind the scenes to insure that populist politicians who want to improve the lot of the Haitian people fail, are withholding their filthy lucre from Haiti until the utterly corrupt light skinned, self-absorbed Haitian oligarchy resumes power and again sells the Haitian work force into slavery.

"Aristide and Lavalas have nowhere to turn. American corporations and the U.S. government will only provide money if my cronies and I are in power because we will keep wages at less than shit levels, we'll kill people who try to form unions and we'll bring back the Ton Ton Macoute to terrorize everyone. Democracy for them means they can elect to die at the hands of U.S. power. Or they can elect to withdraw and allow the U.S. to exploit the Haitian people through the oligarchy. See. It is about choice," laughed Auguste Louis, a former member of FRAPH, who was serving a life sentence without parole at Marion Prison in Ohio for the murder of a South Dakota couple in the parking lot of a Missouri Holiday Inn until Attorney General Ashcroft ordered his release so that he can run for police chief of Port-Au-Prince.

The government says it needs funds to restore confidence. Investors, meanwhile, say that Aristide dead and burned beyond recognition will restore their confidence that the money will flow back to them in the form of obscene profits.

Either way, guns are poised at home and abroad e.g. the U.S. as Aristide struggles to rebuild a country battered by two centuries of U.S. embargoes, blockades, invasions and occupations and U.S. financed violent government overthrows, power grabs and corruption.

"In our view what is essential is that there not be a government that is acting responsibly within the framework of the rule of law and that there not be respect for human rights. In other words that the government be utterly subservient to U.S. interests in order that it be seen as a credible partner with the rest of the kleptocratic international community with special attention paid to American corporations," Foley said. "After all, none other than PNAC flack, Richard Perle, has pointed out that when the U.S. disagrees with legal rulings by international bodies, it will do whatever the fuck it pleases like steal Iraqi oil. Or again for you ancient history buffs, we can reprise Nicaragua where the World Court ruled that the U.S. proxy contra war against that country was illegal and that the U.S. owed the Nicaraguans restitution. And the U.S. said, 'Fuck Off World Court.' I must say I like that 'fuck off poor and destitute people' part of my job almost as much as I love the clever little lies I get to disseminate."

The U.S. Embassy would not comment Thursday on a report by independent Radio Kiskeya that the United States has canceled the U.S. tourist visa of Interior Minister Jocelerme Privert.

Privert has denied allegations by former Aristide partisans hired away by U.S. intelligence that he organized lethal gang attacks on Aristide enforcers and grass-roots leaders who have become a frustrated with two centuries of what amounts to colonial oppression and taken matters into their own hands .

The United States has canceled the visas of more than a dozen government officials this year, some because of alleged connections to drug traffickers who are in competition with CIA trafficking networks.

Opponents accuse the government of using police and militants to crush U.S. proxies.

On Thursday, police fired tear gas to break up a demonstration in coastal Petit-Goave much like U.S. police did in Florida today to intimidate and harass anti-Goebblization forces. "It's the 14,889,776,845,001,687th time the U.S. has used tear gas against its own citizens. Leave it to the American Press to turn it into a war crime in Haiti when U.S. proxies try to overthrow a duly elected government," said Chief Bleeding Heart of the Withouthopi Nation.

A demonstration planned last week by U.S. organized civic groups was overpowered by thousands of starving Aristide partisans that would just like to get out from under the colonial yoke.

In a show of racism and continued hatred for people of color who won't get down on their knees and lick the white man's rank flanks, ambassadors from France, the United States and the European Union stayed away from a celebration Tuesday marking the 200th anniversary of a decisive Haitian military victory that ousted the French and ended slavery. "We are still upset about losing to an inferior race," said French envoy, Onanore DeBallsac. "But then again , we French were way too much, how you say, into fucking the wives of musty smelling American diplomats than to pay much attention to the murder we perpetrated around us."

The legacy of slavery and colonial exploitation has made Haitians utterly aware of the criminal nature of foreign assistance and especially of the United States, which three times invaded Haiti. The first invasion led to a 19-year military occupation that ended in 1934. The last restored Aristide to power in 1994 after his ouster in a military coup thinking they had turned him while he was held in the U.S.

As the political and economic situation worsens, The U.S has made it plain that there is no answer to the plight of the average Haitian. "What was Aristide thinking?" cackled Foley.

International lenders and donors froze more than $500 million in loans and grants after President Rene Preval's government presided over elections that did not install in power the U.S. choices for 2000 legislative posts. That insult was followed by Aristide's victory in a presidential ballot. Bill Clinton remarked on the election of Aristide, "Damn! Get me somebody in there who'll blow me!"

On Thursday, however, the Inter-American Development Bank announced it approved a new $25 million loan to be used as a wedge to topple Aristide's government. Although the United States continues to be Haiti's largest loan shark, some $70 million in U.S. money for subversion this year is being funneled through non-government organizations. From 1996 to 2002, U.S. money for destabilization totaled more than $564 million but virtually all of it was stolen by the elite that the U.S. hopes to return to power before any of the funds could be used to undermine Aristide's government. "U.S. taxpayers don't realize how hard it is to buy good help in a place like Haiti. Our stooges tend to be just as greedy and corrupt as we are. So initially overhead is high and U.S. taxpayer money evaporates into thin air and black budgets."

Aristide calls the freezing of loans an "economic blockade" that has hobbled his government's efforts. "Well," explained Ambassador Foley. "First we use various means to hobble the horse. Then the American media rushes in and takes pictures of the suffering horse. Then the consensus among policy makers is, indeed, that the horse is hobbled and suffering. Then, to show the world what great humanitarians we are, we shoot the horse. And as they eat their horse meat, all Americans agree around their dinner table, continents from the slaughter houses of the world, that it was all for the best."

"The Americans have their own agenda," said Phillip Jean, 39, an Aristide supporter. "They blame us because of our elections when they can't even hold credible elections."