The Assassinated Press

Woman, infant in car cause Hill Republicans to soil themselves in terror.
Afraid an attack was directed at them House GOP proves it’s mental.
Make government appear unworkable. Any government that is not corporate that is:
Tea Party admits Obamacare is not the issue. Dismantling of entitlements and deregulation in preparation for a National Socialist takeover by the Koch Brothers is reason for shutdown.

The Assassinted Press

'I love the smell of Louie's soiled nappies in the morning.' --- Congressional Aide to Louie Gohmert

Washington DC Oct. 2013 --- Congressman Ted Cruz shit his nappies and fled back to his native Canada. Texas Representative Louis Gohmert parked a stink custard on his own his Lady Levy’s while he was butt fucked by a komodo dragon disguised as Charles Koch wearing one of the old leche’s wool suits.

Michelle Bachmann spontaneously aborted 8 billion shit eating maggots from her grizzled twat while Raul Labrador, an Idaho Republican, pulled off his plastic body suit to reveal he really was a Labrador, making him just a the 123,698th mutt elected to Congress.

While the Republican dry cleaners on Capitol Hill was kept busy on 24 hour ‘I shit my drawers at angry mommy with baby ’ alert , many Republican lawmakers hysterically ran up and down the halls of the Capitol crying “Don’t shoot!. Don’t’ shoot. David and Charles Koch made me their bitch. Shoot them! Shoot them!”

In a kind of cuntie series of trench confessions, one Tea Party schmutz after another admitted that the Obamacare government shut was all bullshit.

Louie Gohmert simpered , “That baby won’t hurt ne will she. We didn’t mean nothin’ by the gummint shut down. Under orders we’re ‘sposed to fund only pieces of the gummint that profit the Koch brothers and the military industrial complex and Wall Street, you know the rich, that’s what we‘ve been paid to do. Don’t shoot! Oh fuck. I shat myself agin.”

“The Kochs have hired us to fuck up government from our new found minority gerrymandered congressional ghettos, new segregation,” Cruz said as he boarded a Greyhound bus back home to Nairobi, Canada. “Our job is to undermine all of the programs that benefit the general population leaving the perfect boot print of a corporate run National Socialist government behind. Why since all four Koch’s will be dead within the year? You’ll have to ask them that.”

“How do you think such a bunch of idiotic assholes like us got elected. And further are ebcouraged to say any drivel that bubbles up through their meds, “ Cruz added. “You’ve heard us. Who but the most stupid and ignorant among the population would swallow our horseshit? I mean, the other side ain’t no great shakes either. They ass kiss the rich with the best of us. But at least they have enough sense to appear to be throwing crumbs the way of the general population. "

Cruz went on to add. “Of course, the Koch’s are flirting with all out insurrection, which, of course, they want. They also want to keep the armed segments of the population like the army and police happy. But how do you do that with the Medicare, Social Security loving, Union lovin’, food stamp needin’, vet benefits deservin’ folks in the army and police? You appeal to their bigotry. That’s how. And hop they don’t realize they’ve been had by a couple of wealthy shits and their shitlettes like me. Or its Mussolini time. An empty belly and a loaded gun are a volatile mix. The US ain’t the home of the death squad for nothing. Bye. I’m off to Winnipeg.”

Rand Paul said, "I know the Koch Brothers, Goldman Sachs, Wall Street and the corporate oligarchy in general are trying to eviscerate government and wear the governments empty skin like an American death mask calling all of the shots, the classic definition of National Socialism. I'm just trying to figure out how to play this to my advantage."