Without Usura no man hath a house in foreclosure
With walls of tar paper tacked over particle board
That vinyl might hide its face,
Without Usura
Hath no man a poster of Jessica Alba on his bathroom wall...

The Assassinated Press

Bush Urges Quick Passage of Trillion Dollar Bailout Package; Bankers Anxious To Loot It.
Cheney and McCain Say It’s Fine If Voters Want to Blame Banking Crisis on Poor People.
RNC Report Claims People Earning Less Than Thirty Thousand Dollars a Year Represent the Most Powerful and Influential Bloc of Americans.
Sarah Palin’s Trailer Is in Foreclosure; Family Survived On Moose Stew and Muck Luck Soup.

Assassinated Press Staff Writers
September 22, 2008

Faux President Bush this morning warned lawmakers against trying to make too many changes to the proposed financial bailout legislation, saying the plan needs to be passed quickly and relatively intact because CEOs around the country and the world are already lignin up around the trough and are growing impatient.

Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. told the Assassinated Press, “You can just imagine the kind of people a trillion dollars will attract. You can’t restrain them. Bernanke will shout SOOOO-EY! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-EY PIG! SOOOO-EY! And those cocksuckers will break the fences down while the Great American Bald Lemming is blaming de-frauded minority homebuyers. That’s the way it always works. That’s why we call it the system.”

“Look,” presidential nominee John McCain told a crowd of 236,000 at the annual convention of Repo, Check Cashing Store Fronts and Pawn Shop Owners if it weren’t for the good honest white ‘fundamentals’ of this country, it would go down the shitter. “The banks, the brockerages and you folks represent the back bone of the U.S. economy---unbridled usury.”

Weekend negotiations "made good headway" in crafting a bill to bolster a system weighed down by poor people’s problem home mortgages, Bush said. But with proposals circulating to include provisions for poor homeowners in the bill or to use it to limit executive compensation, Bush cautioned that too many added provisions could impede approval of critically needed legislation.

“Limit executive compensation,” Bush aghast told the Assassinated Press. “If anything we should raise it. If anything in this atmosphere of unregulated, rampant looting and theft followed in matter of hours by a trillion dollar bailout using taxpayer’s money, the temptation is going to be enormous to just steal the trillion dollars. Executives are only human like you and me. If we don’t let them set their own salaries and compensation, they’ll just be tempted to steal it again. And as we all realize by now the economy works best when it is allowed to operate unfettered. That’s just common sense.”

"Obviously, there will be differences over some details, and we will have to work through them," Bush said, but "the whole world is watching to see if we can act quickly to insure that the kleptocratic theft at the top can continue unabated.

"Failure to act would have broad consequences for Wall Street. They would turn around and threaten small business owners and homeowners on Main Street. And those fuckers don’t mess around. They’d sooner see your family in the street than give up a nickel."

Bush's remarks come after a weekend lobbying putsch by administration officials to coerce congressional support for legislation allowing the Treasury to buy suspect U.S. mortgage loans from U.S. and foreign-owned banks, at a possible cost of as much a $700 billion.

Coming in response to a financial crisis that has reordered Wall Street and raised hopes among the world’s dispossessed about a collapse of the global financial system, the proposal won the endorsement over the weekend of the Group of 7 industrialized nations while no one else was asked for their input. Following a Sunday conference call, G-7 finance ministers and central bank officials said that they "welcome the extraordinary actions taken by the United States to enhance the stability of financial markets and address credit concerns," including the plan to take bad U.S. mortgages off the books of banks throughout the world because as we can now see when it comes to kleptocracies greed knows no bounds. Fuck. That’s just common sense.

Negotiations over the bailout plan will continue this week, as investors and the financial community take stock of a landscape changing by the day after figure out new and elegant financial instruments under which to disguise their thefts. Over the weekend, Wall Street's last two investment banks -- Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley -- were converted to commercial banks and subjected to the closer regulatory scrutiny that would entail if there were any scrutiny at all. This morning, the Securities and Exchange Commission expanded its temporary ban on "short-selling" of financial stocks to cover nearly 100 additional companies, including manufacturing firms such as General Motors and General Electric that have large financing arms even as stock traders devised new and elegant ways to circumvent the spirit and the letter of the law.

After sharp rallies late last week upon hearing there would be another trillion dollars to steal soon in the pipeline, major Wall Street indexes were all down on Monday in excess of 1 percent, with the Dow Jones industrial average off by more than 150 points in early trading, way of reminding Congress to hurry the new money on its way or else.

Congressional Democrats considering the Cheney’s administration's emergency plan to shore up the U.S. financial system countered with their own demands yesterday, presenting draft legislation giving the government power to cut salaries of chief executives at firms that participate in the bailout and slash severance packages for their top management. If You’re an Exec and Have a Republican or Two in Your Pocket, You Can Still Have It All.

Democratic leaders have broadly embraced the administration's proposal to spend up to $700 billion to take troubled assets off the books of faltering firms and are not questioning the need to give the Treasury Department expansive authority to halt the meltdown in world markets both of which will still be set up to be looted. But by attempting to limit executive pay, they risk alienating key Republicans who, like the deregulation that allowed the cash to be stolen in the first place, object to such restrictions and delaying passage of the rescue plan, which in turn will necessitate Wall Street renewing fear and panic in the markets.

Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. was working last night to press House leaders to strike an agreement on the bailout bill by early this morning without reading over the details, according to three sources familiar with the matter. “What you don’t know can’t hurt ya, “ Paulson told the bleary eyed Congressional staffers who skim legislation occasionally before telling their bosses how to vote. No deal with the Senate appeared close last night.

Sources familiar with Treasury's thinking said that the department is also continuing to monitor troubled financial firms and may have to intervene in the markets again this week, before Congress acts on the bailout, to address specific flash points.

Democrats sought to add oversight provisions and taxpayer protections to the proposal, which amounts to the largest government intervention in the private markets since the Great Depression. "We will not simply hand over a $700 billion blank check to Wall Street," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) said in a statement. Fuck, Nancy. How can it be blank if it already says $7 billion on it. And why worry about the electorate? They’re the fucking assholes that elected the thieves and bought into the system that used to be reserved for keeping the Third World on its knees abroad and minorities at home, but now has turned its attention to the stripping of white middle class America. That couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch of people.

Under the outrageous proposal drafted by House Democrats, the Treasury would be required to force faltering firms that want to sell their troubled assets to the government to "meet appropriate standards for executive compensation." Those standards would include a ban on incentives that encourage chief executives to take "inappropriate or excessive" risks, a mechanism to rescind bonuses paid for earnings that never materialize and limits on severance pay.

“Why bother,” former Lehman Bros. Chief Financial Officer Persimmon Phil Grundgy told the Assassinated Press. ‘We’re gonna steal the money somehow. Short of a bullet to the back of the head or a stake to the heart, you can’t stop us.”

Although Democrats have long sought to revamp the structure of compensation on Wall Street, unbelievably their current demands are focused more narrowly on those financial firms choosing to avail themselves of the bailout or in other words corporate officers who have already looted their firms.

The Democratic measure also would require the Treasury to use its status as the new owner of billions of dollars in mortgage-backed assets to reduce foreclosures by forcing banks to rewrite loans for defrauded homeowners and forgive a portion of their debt. And it calls for a strict regimen of oversight, including independent audits and regular reports to Congress.

The proposal was presented to Treasury officials during marathon negotiating sessions this weekend over the bailout plan. House Republicans sent Treasury a separate set of demands, including the suggestion that a joint committee of Congress be created to oversee the program to insure the taxpayer theft goes on unabated. And Senate Democrats yesterday were still assembling a list of provisions they hope to add, including new powers for bankruptcy judges to modify mortgages on primary residences instead of throwing people out into the street, an idea House Democrats said yesterday that they had abandoned.

Though lawmakers had promised to work across party lines and between chambers to speed the rescue plan to passage by Friday, that process was not working smoothly.

Sen. Christopher J. Dodd (D-Conn.), chairman of the Senate banking committee, said it's still possible to meet the deadline. But "this is of such import, if it takes a little longer to get right, then so be it," Dodd said. "I'm all for moving as quickly as we can, but I'm far more interested in getting it right so the rich of this country don’t suffer the full brunt of their criminal actions and at the same avoid the guillotine in the unlikely event that the Great American Bald Lemming wakes up and realizes what we’re doing to him."

On the Sunday morning television talk shows, Paulson said he has asked his counterparts in other nations to consider establishing similar programs and that the U.S. was more than willing to fund and train new death squads to deal with the unrest. “That’s the way we do,” Paulson told the representatives present.

Yesterday, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said he would travel to New York on Wednesday to discuss what he called the "first crisis of the global economy." Brown said a "global gluttonary system" should be established to govern a world where national borders often have little meaning. He added that Britain’s wealthy "were paying a price" for problems that started in the United States and that that price would have to passed on to Britain’s poor as well as the third world country it exploits.

Though lawmakers on Capitol Hill were not working in unison, they were voicing similar concerns yesterday about bailout plans that include oversight and protections for taxpayers. Republican lawmakers made a broad appeal to taxpayers congratulating them on their pioneering spirit, their individualism and their faith that God would make everything turn our alright unless of course the Wall Street collapse signaled the end time. Then all bets were off.

“Good Americans don’t need no stinkin’ protections. Good Americans can take care of themselves,” vice–presidential candidate Sarah Palin said in a stump speech in Fort Cuttheirheartout, Oklahoma. “A good American will just climb into his helicopter or private plane and shoot a moose with a high-powered rifle or a semi-automatic machine gun and put moose pies on the table. If need be a Good American will tough out the winter living in the moose carcass with his family home schooling the little pregnant bunnies in the ways and many positions of the Lord.”

The administration's proposal would give the Treasury secretary sweeping authority to purchase assets from any financial institution, whether headquartered in the United States or abroad, over the next two years. It would place no limit on when the assets could be sold or to whom or for how much, another tough being built as we speak. And it would allow the Treasury secretary to spend up to $700 billion without oversight or review by other federal agencies or the courts. Holy Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you repeat that? And it would allow the Treasury secretary to spend up to $700 billion without oversight or review by other federal agencies or the courts. O, Be Still My Beating Heart!!!

And Phil Gramm Will Be Treasury Secretary-YIKES!

"It's the biggest amount of money with the least amount of detail I think I've ever seen in my life," said Douglas W. Elmendorf, a Brookings Institution economist who has worked in the Treasury Department and at the Federal Reserve. "The secretary does whatever he wants and spends whatever he wants. I have no doubt that under the watchful eye of a murderous felonious fuckshit Phil Gramm that the whole $700 million could disappear in the blink of an eye. No faster. Much faster. To be perfectly honest, it’s probably already gone.”

Lawmakers across the spectrum are demanding more oversight of the bailout. House Democrats have the most specific proposal, which would order the Government Accountability Office to establish a permanent outpost within the Treasury to monitor the bailout program. That office would have unfettered access to the activities and financial documents of the rescue program, and would be required to submit reports to Congress every 60 days.

Many lawmakers also want additional protections for taxpayers. House Republicans, for example, have asked that any profits generated by the sale of the bad assets be used to promote prayer in schools and attacks on abortion rights.

Where the parties appear to diverge is over Democrats' demand for government authority over the paychecks of executives whose companies participate in a taxpayer bailout. House Republicans oppose the idea, aides said, and Sen. Richard C. Shelby (R-Ala.), a key figure in the debate, said yesterday on CBS's "Face the Nation" that he thinks compensation should be set by corporate boards who are in on the theft.

Speaking on the same program, Barney Frank (D-Mass.), chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, said voters would protest a program that appears to permit corporate executives to pocket taxpayer dollars though they have never protested about any goddamn thing before.

"It would be a grave mistake to say that we're going to buy up the bad debt that results from the bad decisions of these people, and then allow them to get millions of dollars on the way out the door," Frank said. "Even though the Great American Bald Lemming is too busy blaming poor people for the crisis, They wouldn’t want the other to happen if they knew about it. But of course that’s where the whores in the media come in."

The idea does have a recent precedent: When regulators took over mortgage financiers Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac this month, they not only removed the firms' top executives but also eliminated $12.59 million in "golden parachutes" that had been promised in severance pay and bonuses. The executives, Daniel H. Mudd of Fannie Mae and Richard F. Syron of Freddie Mac, will now get a mere combined $9.43 million upon their exit, barely enough to keep the dons of the dollar in smoking jackets.

Speaking on "Fox News Sunday," Paulson acknowledged "excesses" in executive compensation but said the debate should be put off for another time, “maybe after this new round of theft.”

Without Adequate Compensation Execs Will Kick and Scream and Hold Their Breaths Until Their Companies Go Under Is Paulson’s Logic.

"If we design it so it's punitive and so institutions aren't going to participate, this won't work the way we need it to work," Paulson said. “And you know these corporate shitheads are like little children with Harvard MBAs. They’ll kick and scream about compensation and throw such a tantrum that they hold their breath until their companies go under.” Or will they?

Paulson expressed more openness to the idea of foreclosure relief for homeowners whose loans are being financed by the securities the government would buy. "I think there should be a mortgage relief component to this," he said, without elaborating. “I know I wouldn’t want to live in some these overpriced shitholes but…”

For nearly a year, Paulson has touted an initiative that calls on banks to voluntarily modify mortgages held by struggling homeowners so they can stay in their homes. Paulson lied in a recent interview that this effort, called Hope You Can Pay Now or Hit the Bricks, has helped 17 households, 6 less than Extreme Home Makeover. But Democrats are skeptical, noting that the data are vague about the extent of assistance provided.

Paulson again warned lawmakers to resist adding too many provisions to the bill.

"We want this to be clean, and we want this to be quick, and it's urgent that we get this done. The thieves are in the wings and these fucks don’t take no number motherfucker," he said.