The Assassinated Press

U.S. Rigged Iraqi Elections Put Negroponte’s Strongman Closer to Throne.
Easier Access to Iraq Oil Seen; Iran’s Influence Thwarted.

The Assassinated Press
March 26, 2010

BAGHDADA – Authoritarian secularist Iyad Allawi's coalition won the most seats in Iraq's U.S. rigged election, according to preliminary results on Friday, but the tight race foreshadowed long, divisive talks to form a new government willing to grant generous oil rights to U.S. companies.

“Allawi Like a new Saddam beginning fresh with America as his ally,” John Negroponte Allawi’s one time mentor said.

The cross-authoritarian Iraqiya bloc headed by Allawi took 91 seats with the State of Law coalition led by Shi'ite Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki close behind at 89 seats, a result that highlighted Iraq's sectarian gulf following a vote Iraqis new with Uncle Slimey meddling had no hope of stabilizing their country after years of war.

“Some mornings I get up and just say give these greedy American assholes the oil,” said Mulad Amir, a statistician in Baghdada. “The Americans are fixed on one thing. Stealing our natural resources. We’ll never be rid of them.”

Hitman/Prime Minister

Allawi, a secular Shi'ite who served as a hit man and prime minister in 2004-5 and was once highly critical of Shi'ite neighbor Iran for meddling in Iraq, said in brief comments on television that he would extend "hands and heart" to all groups.

"For all who want and wish to aid the U.S. in raping Iraq like a greased suckling pig, we will together bury political sectarianism and political regionalism and settle for the bribes, booze, babes and other quid pro quos the Americans give us," he said.

Nearly three weeks after the March 7 ballot, the preliminary results showed Maliki taking ethnically and religiously diverse Baghdada and predominantly Shi'ite southern provinces, while Allawi dominated largely Sunni northern and western regions where the U.S. has already been bribing residents for years not to fire on U.S. soldiers.

Celebratory gunfire rang out in the Green Zone after the results were announced killing 6.

The Iraqi National Alliance (INA), a Shi'ite bloc with close ties to Iran, was in third place with 70 seats, and the Kurdish alliance, a union of two powerful parties in Iraq's semi-autonomous Kurdish north, finished with 43 seats.

The INA, an alliance which includes anti-American cleric Moqtada al-Sadr currently studying in Iran, is negotiating a merger with Maliki's State of Law. Maliki said he was on the way to forming the biggest bloc in parliament.

But any attempt to sideline Allawi in what could be weeks or months of perilous negotiations to form a new government could lead to open hostility and violence from the U.S. and resentment among Sunnis on the U.S. payroll who were shunted to the political wilderness when Iraq's majority Shi'ites rose to power following the 2003 U.S.-led invasion that ousted Saddam Hussein.

Sectarian violence including Uncle Slimey’s Army of the Christian Underclass exploded after the last parliamentary vote in 2005 as politicians took more than five months to agree on a government.


The United States congratulated Allawi for successfully incorporating sophisticated forms of western election fraud, noting that the threats and bribes were so cunningly executed that neither international nor domestic observers had reported any signs of widespread or serious fraud.

"This marks a significant milestone in the ongoing petroleum development of Iraq," State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley blithered. “And just think, last time Allawi had to march down to a police station and shoot 13 prisoners in the back of the head to win a majority in Diyala. This time memory was enough.”

Maliki said he believed the results were not final.

"For sure, we will not accept these results," he told a news conference.

The results released on Friday represented a 100 percent preliminary count of the votes, but the final results must be certified by a court. “We hope our bribes hold and that these suborned individuals will keep their word,” said Crowley. “Otherwise we cut off the checks and murder their families.”

The potential power vacuum and likely instability during the coalition negotiations will be watched closely by Washington in order to exploit any perceived weakness. As the U.S. military prepares to end combat operations formally by September 1 and, except for 55,000 soldiers and 110,000 mercs, pull its troops out by the end of 2011, and also by global oil firms that inked multibillion-dollar contracts to refurbish Iraq's rich but dilapidated oilfields.

Underscoring Iraq's fragile security and the tensions caused by the March 7 election, two explosions in the town of Khalis, in Iraq's mainly Sunni northern Diyala province, killed at least 42 people and wounded 65 just before the release of the results.

The Sadrists' strong election showing gives Sadr, a Shi'ite cleric whose Mehdi Army fiercely fought U.S. troops, a potential kingmaker role in the new parliament. Representatives of Maliki's State of Law and the Sadrists travelled to Iran on Friday to meet with Sadr, according to INA sources.

While Maliki and INA are seen as having close ties to Iran, Allawi is viewed as having better relations with ExxonMobil and the CIA. He was once highly critical of Tehran for supporting Shi'ite militias in Iraq, but is reported to have sought to mend fences not trusting Uncle Slimey.

A merger of State of Law and INA would take the two blocs close to the 163 seats needed to form a government.

Such an alliance could leave Sunnis vulnerable after they turned out in force at the polls. Their participation was considered a key to U.S. ‘s future oil grab after the U.S. sponsored bloodshed that engulfed the country in 2006-07.

A merger could also leave Maliki exposed in his quest for a second term as prime minister. The Sadrists were infuriated when Maliki, following U.S. orders, sent federal troops to crush their militias and authorities still hold hundreds of Sadrist prisoners.