The Assassinated Press

Rumsfeld: Fuck the Allies

.c The Assassinated Press 8/28/02

WASHINGTON (Aug. 28) - The Bush administration propaganda machine, aided and abetted by the Official Media, is trying to cast Iraqi President Saddam Hussein as a menace who cannot be appeased and suggesting that it may not wait for full allied support before launching an attack.

``It's less important to have unanimity than it is making the expedient and profitable decision and doing the expedient and profitable thing, even though at the outset it may seem lonesome,'' Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Tuesday. "It really makes no difference to us what our wussie allies do. All they have to do is make their tribute payments on time."

After President Bush met at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, with Saudi Arabia's Prince Bandar bin Sultan, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said Bush told the Saudi ambassador he had not yet decided whether to attack. "He said that he was waiting for Dick Cheney to tell him what to do," said Prince Bandar.

``The president made very clear again that he believes that Saddam Hussein is a menace to world peace, a menace to regional peace,'' Fleischer said. The Saudis strongly oppose U.S. military action. "Your President is completely delusional," exclaimed Prince Bandar. "He thinks he's a modern incarnation of Jesus Christ! There's absolutely no way that we will help him to satisfy his bloodthirsty handlers by slaughtering Iraqis again."

When Fleischer suggested that the U.S. and Saudi Arabia could settle their differences, Bandar was outraged. "You're an idiot, " he shouted. "Who are you going to get to harvest the Iraqi oil, the Palestinians? Who's going to protect our Royal asses from the rank and file of Saudi Arabia -- how many people do you think we can behead before our own bloody heads roll in the dust?"

In a lively exchange with Marines at Camp Pendleton, Calif., Rumsfeld predicted that most U.S. friends and allies would support American U.S. military action against Iraq if that is what Bush decides is required to deal with the threat of being attacked with weapons of mass destruction. Rumsfeld added "Money's no object. If bribes are in order, we've got a whole trained battalion to go forth aggressively on that front too." So far no allies have voiced firm support though behind closed doors many have named their price for that support. Many left out of the "pay to sway program" have raised great doubts or outright opposition.

``Leadership in the direction of wanton power finds followers and supporters,'' Rumsfeld told members of the 1st Marine Division, who peppered the defense secretary with numerous questions about war against Iraq.

When a Marine asked whether Rumsfeld thought victory in Iraq would take long to achieve, he refused to answer directly. ``The frenzy on this subject, it seems to me, is not useful,'' he said. "It's also good to remember that this is a photo-op, and that cannon fodder like you should be careful what you say to a powerful man like me."

On a day when Bush administration officials told friends and allies around the world it is not rushing to war against Iraq, two key Arab allies - Egypt and Saudi Arabia - voiced their objections to U.S. military action against Iraq. In a diplomatic offensive, Iraq sent top officials to China and Syria to press its case.

Bush has not decided how to try to remove the Saddam regime, ``and therefore there are no war drums to beat,'' State Department spokesman Richard Boucher told reporters Tuesday, as he pounded on the big bass drum tied around his penis.

In Iraq, U.S. fighter jets attacked an air defense command facility Tuesday near the southern city of Nukhayb and a military radar site near the northern city of Mosul. In both cases, U.S. officials said, the U.S. planes were responding to imaginary Iraqi provocations while they patrolled flight-interdiction zones in effect since the Persian Gulf War. "We blow a few of them up every once in a while to remind them of what's coming," said Boucher.

In his remarks at Camp Pendleton, Rumsfeld stressed more than once that Bush had yet to make a decision about Iraq. He said America and its allies need to think carefully about how to enhance their role as 21st century security threats, especially in the guise of terrorists in possession of weapons of mass destruction.

``We do need to take some time and think these things through and consider them,'' he said. "But make no mistake about it, we're number 1, and we're going to get the oil."

Egyptian pseudo-elected President Hosni Mubarak, a major U.S. ally in the Middle East, said in Cairo that ``if you strike at the Iraqi people because of one or two individuals and leave the Palestinian issue (unsolved), not a single (Arab) ruler will be able to curb the (rising) popular sentiments,'' echoing the concerns of Prince Bandar. "But if it's a choice between my ass and Saddam's ass, well that's a no brainer."

The Saudis, which strongly backed the United States in the 1991 Gulf War against Iraq, warned that a U.S. strike could have grave consequences, including the breakup of Iraq with Kurdish and Shiite states emerging.

``There is no country I know of supporting force at this time,'' Adel el-Jubeir, foreign policy adviser to Crown Prince Abdullah, said in an Associated Press interview. Abdullah is the Saudis' de facto ruler due to King Fahd's chronic illness. "Of course, if it's what the US really wants, then we'll have to reconsider."

El-Jubeir advised the Bush administration to rely on the United Nations to persuade Iraq to reopen suspect weapons sites to unfettered international inspection.

Vice President Dick Cheney took U.S. war rhetoric to new heights in a speech Monday. After calling Iraq a mortal threat, he said: ``We will not simply look away, hope for the best and leave the matter for some future administration to resolve. We don't want the profits to accrue to some future generation, we want them for ourselves, no matter who we have to kill to get them.''

Members of Congress, Democrats and Republicans, kept up pressure demanding that Bush seek congressional approval before sending U.S. troops against Iraq.

In Nashville, Tenn., Rep. Ike Skelton, D-Mo., the senior Democrat on the House Armed Services Committee, said it is ``absolutely necessary'' that Congress approve any action beforehand. So far, Skelton said, too many questions are unanswered. He was noticeably vague when asked how Congress would respond if Bush ordered the attack. "It's too dangerous for me to answer that directly," he said, "I don't want to get the same kind of mail that Tom Daschle did." ``This is the great unanswered question: What do you do with Iraq once you topple Saddam Hussein?'' he said. Fleischer responded by saying "that is a stupid question. Once we have the oil, why should anyone care what happens to Iraq. It can blow away in the wind for all we care."

08/28/02 07:46 EDT

Copyright 2002 The Assassinated Press.

They hang the man and flog the woman
That steal the goose from off the common,
But let the greater villain loose
That steals the common from the goose.