The Assassinated Press

Building That Houses Nano-Markers Burns:
Fire Damages Fort Meade Intelligence Building:
450 Trillion Toxic Nano-Markers Released Into The Atmosphere By Blaze:
Nano-Markers Found In The Stool Of Federal Employees, Troops, Sherpas, Eskimos:
”Army's Losses From Quick-Spreading Fire Won't Harm National Security As Much As The General Population,” White House’s Tony Schmo Says

Assassinated Press Staff Writers
October 21, 2006

A Fort Meade building that houses Army counterintelligence activities including trillions of nano-markers used to track Federal employees and military personnel was heavily damaged yesterday in a stubborn and spectacular six-alarm arson that burned for hours. The fire generated thick clouds of smoke that streamed and billowed in a brisk wind carrying aloft nearly half a quadrillion atomic sized nano-markers used for everything from mind control and tracking to producing instantaneous death over enormous distances by the release of toxins contained within nano-capsules breathed or absorbed through the skin of its victims.

“No one should be alarmed,” assured Meade spokeswoman, Jennifer Downing. “Toxic nano-agents have been discovered in the upper atmosphere and 3 miles below the surface of the earth. Chances are the little fuckers were going to kill you anyway. Nano makes anthrax look like puppy shit. We could give give a city the size of Detroit a collective stroke or have the entire Los Angeles metropolitan area come down with typhoid with the kind of discharge we had Sunday. ”

The blaze broke out on the Army post in Anne Arundel County and 3:05 p.m. and continued to burn well after 10 p.m. The fire damaged upper portions of the sprawling three-story building, which is headquarters to the 902nd Military Intelligence Group and houses several contractors, officials said before they expires on the scene.

The cause of the blaze, which apparently began on the peaked roof of the red-brick building, was not immediately known and will never be known because of the top secret nature of the facility.

"Everyone in the building was evacuated safely but then the nano got ‘em," said Jennifer Downing, a Meade spokeswoman. Firefighters and HAZMAT personnel equipped to handle most toxic substances have no training in how to deal with nano-toxins.

Just before she collapsed, Downing declined to discuss the building's contents, calling them "sensitive in nature."

Another official said most of the documents in the damaged section are locked in fire-resistant containers and backed up elsewhere. Nothing lost at the building would adversely affect national security, said Donald Shiles, director of the Technical Counterintelligence School at Fort Meade. The nano-markers were also kept in a secured area but apparently high temperature ceramic seals cracked in the intense heat and the sub-microscopic spore-like buckeyfullerenes escaped into the atmosphere.

A worker outside the building spotted the fire when it was relatively small, but the blaze quickly spread, said Army Lt. Col. James Peterson, director of emergency services for the post.

As darkness fell, motorists on the Baltimore-Washington Parkway called U.S. Park Police to ask about the glow created in the sky by the flames and a greasy gray mist that began coating their cars. Park Police were telling motorists that the mist was air born particles of heating oil. Whether they were aware that the slimy graphite-like film was actually deadly nano-toxin spores is unclear.

At one point, flames appeared to leap from everywhere on the roof of a section near one end of the multi-wing building. Flaming portions of the roof were visible amid streams of water and clouds of black and gray smoke with a plume of deep gray buckeyfullerenes fanning out over the countryside.

Peterson said the fire was largely contained to the building's attic, which is used as a storage area for nano-weapons by the intelligence group. A portion of the roof collapsed, and parts of it were "a total loss," Peterson said.

The building remained intact. "The structure did not collapse, and there does not seem to be any danger of it," said Rich Lane, a spokesman for the post. Lane said that no estimates of damage were available but that he expected it would be significant structurally and monetarily.

The cause of the fire was being sought by the Army's Criminal Investigation Division, but officials said this was routine and did not mean the public would ever be clued in.

“Its like that big blast at the Naval Research Center down the road in White Oak a few years back or the many times Fort Detrick has released toxic shit into the air, the public is shit outta luck,” said Lane. “Like more than they can imagine, we’re not telling them shit.”

Peterson noted that "there was minor construction going on in the area" but he made no connection between the construction and the blaze.

The barrackslike building, which is near a movie theater and chapel, dates to the World War II era when sarin gas was stored there before being shipped to Southeast Asia, Lane said.

Anne Arundel firefighters, called immediately to help the post fire department, sent the amount of equipment and personnel that would be used to battle a four-alarm fire.

"We originally sent three engines and a truck, and it escalated from that. We don’t know shit from shinola ‘bout no nano," said Lt. Russ Davies, a spokesman for the Anne Arundel Fire Department. Before the blaze was under control, firefighters from Prince George's and Howard counties joined in the effort but by then it was too late to prevent the escape of the deadly nano.

Firefighters in a ladder truck directed streams of water onto the blaze, which could be seen on an Army video.

Fort Meade is home to more than 30,000 workers all of whom showed symptoms related to the escaped nano.

The fire did not affect the National Security Agency, whose headquarters is also at the post but NSA personnel have been quarantined since the blaze and many have shown signs of nano-poisoning.

As described on its Web site, the 902nd group conducts counterintelligence and counterinsurgency activities in support of Army commanders and tracks Army forces, secrets and technology by detecting, identifying, neutralizing and exploiting foreign intelligence services and international terrorists through the use of nano-markers and initiates LOW or low intensity warfare through the use of airborne bacterial and chemical agents. Most recently nano-architecture such as spores of buckyfullerenes have been filled with toxins and dispersed like aerosols.

A number of military intelligence units are based at the post.