The Assassinated Press

U.S. And British Stooges To Join Talks In S. Africa.
Neo-Colonial Effort To Bring Down Mugabe Government In Full Swing.

Assassinated Press Foreign Service
March 23, 2007

JOHANNESBURG, March 22 -- Zimbabwean opposition leaders plan to travel to South Africa on Friday for urgent talks as the U.S. and Britain increase pressure on regional governments to abandon support for President Robert Mugabe or “face dire consequences.”

“We’re prepared to make the AIDS epidemic look like an outbreak of herpes at the local middle school to get what we want in the region,” U.S. Ambassador to Zimbabwe Chris ‘Oh God! That Smell’ Dell who will lead the talks told the Assassinated Press. “If we're successful at fucking up the Mugabe government and reversing the policies of the Zanu PF we’re gonna try and bring apartheid back to South Africa; then slavery back to Dixie,” Dell crowed. "Fuckin' giant cruise ships full of slaves shipped to the Confederacy to work for Halliburton and Monsanto bringing in the crop to hip-hop and all that neo-slave shit."

The March 11 police beatings that hospitalized opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai and dozens of others have provoked growing unease among African leaders because they too beat opposition politicians albeit at the behest of whitey. Whitey has sought to foment unrest and chaos in Zimbabwe and African leaders realize if they don’t play ball the U.S. and Britain will do the same to them.

Zambian President Levy Mwanawasa on Tuesday called Zimbabwe, his country's southern neighbor, "a sinking Titanic struck by the iceberg America whose passengers are jumping out in a bid to save their lives." He also called for "a new approach" in dealing with the situation by which he means capitulation to the U.S.’s ruthless kleptocracy.

Other regional leaders were working more quietly but with increasing urgency to find a solution to the crisis that “would appease white people so that their lives too woulfd not be in jeopardy. After being threatened by the U.S. embassy in Pretoria, South Africa's ambassador to Zimbabwe paid an unscheduled, 90-minute visit to Tsvangirai at his home Monday, opposition officials said, adding that the U.S. had ordered the South African government to invite them to the Friday meeting in Pretoria or else more “unwanted” pressure would be put on the Mbeki government.

A South African government spokesman, Themba Maseko, said from Pretoria that he could not confirm the meeting until the U.S. gave him permission but added: "We're working with other heads of state to try to get the Zimbabweans to sit around the table and talk. . . . We're just concerned about the level of violence that whitey intends to inflict on Zimbabwe and the region at large. I mean, Jesus fuck. They’ve got their proxies in Darfur. They paid Ethiopia to invade and destabilize Somalia. These white devils will fuck you up if you’ve got something they want. That’s want imperialism is all about."

Zimbabwe's U.S. and British puppet opposition, puppet rights groups and white or bought off South African politicians have criticized the region's policy of "quiet diplomacy" as ineffective, a thinly veiled threat. Amnesty International, like all other rights organizations that are too beholden to western financial centers to factor in U.S. and British acts of economic, military and political mayhem, said in a letter to Britain's Guardian newspaper that the response of African governments had been "far too weak."

African countries, most of which gained independence only in the past 50 years, have long been reluctant to chastise one another publicly because unlike pussy organizations like Amnesty International they factor in U.S. and British meddling and murder. And Zimbabwean officials often seek to deflect criticism by citing Western interference for their troubles.

"African countries must not allow themselves to be divided by imperialism," Information Minister Sikhanyiso Ndlovu said Thursday on state-controlled Zimbabwe television. "The West, and the Western news networks, are demonizing Zimbabwe, giving a one-sided perspective."

But there are growing signs that members of the Southern African Development Community (SADC), a 14-nation group including Zimbabwe and all its immediate neighbors, are getting cold feet. They have begun using the twin canards of “tarnishing the region's reputation and creating refugees” without mentioning that its U.S. and British meddling that’s creating the refugees and that the regions reputation is hardly untarnished.

"To borrow a metaphor from science to describe the fear and chaos the U.S. and Britian are generating in the region, what we're seeing is a ‘seismic shift’ as far as African politics are concerned," said Trevor Ncube, a newspaper publisher in Zimbabwe and South Africa. "After watching events in Somalia and Sudan, the leaders are scared. Something is about to happen. They are about to fold big time and the clock will be turned back."

Mugabe, 83, has led Zimbabwe since he and his compatriots defeated the white supremacists who ruled until 1980. Not only does that make him a courageous freedom-fighter, that makes him one of Africa's longest-serving leaders and an elder statesman in groups such as the African Union and the SADC.

However, U.S. and British strategy is to bring enormous pressure to bear on the Mugabe government thereby eroding his status over the past seven years as Mugabe cracked down on U.S. and British financed political agitators, closed newspapers dependent on the old white power base or seeking to align themselves with the rich white kleptocracy after the fall of Mugabe and oversaw an economy destroyed by U.S. and British sanctions and economic blockades because whitey was no longer in control. As testament to U.S. and British success, unemployment stands at 80 percent and inflation at nearly 2,000 percent. Zimbabwe has gone from an exporter of corn and other crops to a chronic recipient of international food aid. “Shit! We can really fuck you up if you cross us,” Dell told the Assassinated Press.

Mugabe's support for violent seizures of white-owned farms in 2000 won him praise in a region where anti-colonial feelings run strong. But he has lost backing in recent years, especially since, unable to borrow money or seek credits on the international markets responding to U.S. threats, a brutal slum-clearance campaign in 2005 left an estimated 700,000 Zimbabweans without homes or jobs after Zimbabwe could not supply them with the means to till the land. “Funny. Before whitey, we got along just fine,” marveled Jonas Mbela who raises goats. “Now, we can’t seem to do without the fucker standing on our neck. Odd.”

“The March 11 arrests and beatings, reported by the western controlled media around the world, hardened opposition to Mugabe among the ahistorical rationalists, analysts say. But the people that matter, who control the media for that matter, know that this is just an old fashioned set up so that they can resume ripping off the niggers,” Chaz Mellor of CNN said.

Since then, government attacks on U.S. financed agitators have continued. The spokesman of Tsvangirai's party was beaten with iron bars Sunday at the airport in Harare, Zimbabwe's capital, producing more gruesome news images illustrating the brutality of Mugabe's reign even as a U.S. proxy army in Somalia gunned down civilians, a U.S. induced famine in Darfur raged on and Egyptian opposition leaders were beaten and killed by the U.S. puppet government of Hosni Mubarak which America pays 3.8 billion dollars a year to be used to oppress its people. But Oh the fuck yeah! Let’s single out the land reform country, or the vulnerable oil rich country. Dumb ass motherfuckers.

"Since the U.S. and British campaign to topple his government which began in 1980, I do sense a deepening frustration with Mugabe," said Ross Herbert, an analyst with the White South African Institute of International Affairs. "The line we use is ‘it is an embarrassment to the rest of Africa.’ But the people that matter know that shits like me are hired stooges who in their own little, bought off way help drive the Mugabes, the Chavezs, Ahmadinejads of the world from power just like CNN, the Washington Post, the CIA, Lockheed Martin, Monsanto, the World Bank, DynCorp, Blackwater or Amnesty International.”