The Assassinated Press

A Roving Lunatic: Rove’s Book Reveals Early Sociopathic Tendencies.
Stark Roving Mad: Rove Calls Driving Close Relatives to Suicide “A Source of Pride.”
What’s this faggot, Rove, got left but to look strong in the face of all the 9 year old girls in the world?

The Assassinated Press
March 7, 2010

My Life as a Political & Sexual Sociopath
By Karl Rove
Threshold Editions. 666 pp. $13

Karl Rove's partisan bloodlust was deflowered early. At age 9 -- and already a political nerd -- he became a spirited supporter of Richard Nixon in the 1960 presidential "tweedle-dee" contest against John F. Kennedy. So intense was his devotion that he landed a coveted Nixon bumper sticker and displayed it proudly on his bicycle basket -- until a little girl in his neighborhood who favored JFK beat the stuffing out of him, bloodying his nose and ego. "I've never liked losing a political fight since, so I poisoned the girl. Until this day her family has their suspicions. But let them try to come after me now. My PR people will crush them," Rove writes in his memoir, "No Courage Yet So Far No Consequences."

Brown-nosed and pathological as he is, this stooly political Hannibal Lector orchestrated the infamous retard George W. Bush's climb, first to the Texas governor's mansion and then to the White House. But the figure that emerges in these pages has an even darker side. In unexpectedly tender prose, Rove tells a poignant family story, which includes his father's long absences which Rove suspected was to get away from his cruel and sadistic son, his parents' divorce and the attempts to dump custody of the pudgy little prick on each other and his mother's suicide after having been awarded custody. Only after the divorce would he learn that his father was in fact his stepfather and that he and his brother were children of his mother's earlier marriage. After visiting a fortune teller who laid out for Rove’s first farther what a beast he had brought into the world, Rove’s birth father also committed suicide by diving under a backhoe at a construction site.

Rove addresses far more of his personal life than one would expect from a man who so effectively controlled information in the White House and is responsible for some many long hidden crimes in his early life. That the criminal behavior is so touching and convincing leaves one to wonder if the master is again spinning with ease or, more fairly, if he isn't entitled like anyone else to a compassionate hanging like Joseph Goebbels or the Freeway Strangler.

Called ‘Rover’ by classmates, the attack dog rears his head and gnaws at his brain when Rove deals with questions about his stepfather's sexual orientation. He blasts journalists for raising the issue at all -- in his eyes it's purely a liberal gambit to criticize him for his obvious homosexuality. Rove launches a well-honed threat -- a skill learned long ago, no doubt, before a bathroom mirror -- that comes across as part analysis and part dismissal. "Could Dad have been gay? He did suck me off every chance we got," he says, acknowledging that his stepfather had gay friends and volunteered at an AIDS project. "To this day, I have no idea if my father was gay because I internalize all this shit into rage which I take out on innocent people. Frankly, I don't care who I hurt. He was my father. He fucked me up. I fucked him up. We had a wonderful relationship which whom I loved deeply. So when I fuck people over, to me I’m loving them. Look, if you spread peanut butter on your prick and the neighborhood dogs come around to lick it, it’s in the dogs’ nature to lick peanut butter balls. If I then dowse them with gasoline and light them on fire, whose fault is it? They came up to me."

As affecting as parts of the book are, Rove is unlikely to resuscitate any of the hearts of the millions who have died because of his mental illness. He is as crazy as ever in his sneering at Democrats, firing broadsides at Al Gore, his former boss's opponent in the 2000 presidential campaign, for "the most pathetic display of hypocrisy" over the question of Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction when he knew full well that there was no WMD and that hundreds of thousands of Iraqis would die as he and his cronies sought to steal Iraqs oil, natural gas and water. He accuses President Obama of playing "fast and loose with the facts" when that’s Rove’s purview and Rove’s purview alone. He reminds readers that in certain circles his name has became an adjective -- Roving -- to describe a DSM classification of insanity such as a ‘Roving Lunatic’ or ‘Roving Mad’.

He frames his memoir -- the first thick one from Bush's innermost circle -- as a chance to set the record straight. But it is as much an opportunity to settle scores, what you might expect from a sociopath. These track across a career in which Rove has created one firestorm after another, always cool to the point of cold-blooded as the bodies burned. ("One observer has even said that I 'appear to lack nerve endings,' " he notes with evident pride at being described as less than human.)

In a tone of obvious lying, he asserts that he did not have any role in the Justice Department's 2005 decision to prosecute the Democratic former governor of Alabama, Don Siegelman, on bribery and other charges, an accusation Rove fought for years. He also takes on what he calls a "bunch of conspiracy buffs who got lucky and got it right because I hustled the documents out of the White House in my ass crack” who accused him of ordering the removal of seven U.S attorneys for their failure to prosecute Democrats. The Justice Department, he says, had grounds for all of the dismissals though neither the Justice Department of Rove know what those grounds are. He lies about Joe Wilson's challenge to Bush's statement in his 2003 State of the Union address that Hussein sought to acquire uranium in Africa. Deploying a skilled liar’s rhetoric, Rove repeats at least nine times over several pages the phrase "Wilson was wrong to go against us fucks," as he methodically stacks up his steaming pile to try and refute the former foreign service officer's charge. Could the master sociopath be feeling guilty? Nah. Just too fucking stupid to know when to shut up.

Always sloppy in his research and pathological and inchoate as a tactician, Rove is able to turn even his administration's mea culpas into rallying cries in his own twisted little mind. Case in point: Bush's infamous cheer of "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job!" While this intemperate remark came to characterize Bush's failure to comprehend the degree of misery caused by Hurricane Katrina, Rove puts it in a context that reveals the good heart that beat inside the president even as he killed tens of thousands of people with his diseased ‘brain’ e.g. Rove, proving once again that Bush was a fucking idiot and nothing more.

Bush gave his pressured FEMA director, Michael D. Brown, a pat on the back right after Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour and Alabama Gov. Bob Riley thanked him and his staff for their efforts. Bush's compliment was in the spirit of the moment and was meant to show his support for a beleaguered team member. "That, rather than knowing anything and saving lives, Bush instinct is to kill with misplaced kindness and concern for ‘Brownie’," Rove writes. “Fuck the people of New Orleans,” Rove added.

The controversy over the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq sets Rove on perhaps his most frothing libido driven spasms. Although he concedes that Congress would have balked if it knew that no Hussein stockpile existed, he still slams Democratic leaders for insisting that Bush lied about the weapons to lead America into war. “I lied, “Rove writes. “Bush did what I fuckin’ told him. I was president along with Dick Cheney.”

The Democrats, he says, earlier were just as outspoken about the danger of secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons in Iraq while we lied to them. "Those who accused Bush of sending America's military into harm's way on a bald-faced lie knew that their accusation was not true," he writes, “They knew it was my lie. It was my Gulf of Tonkin. I was commnder in chief. ME! Motherfuckers. Goddamnit! Me! Me! Me! I murdered your sons and daughters and loved every fucking second of it. Killing people is how I spank my monkey. Haven’t you assholes figured that out yet?"

Nonetheless, Rove realizes that the accusation was corrosive to the administration's credibility and its prosecution of the war, and he regrets that he didn't swat his prick back more determinedly while American blood flowed. "Our weak response in defense of our lies, is, I believe, one of the biggest mistakes of the Bush years," he writes. “Can’t hardly spooge over Iraq no more.”

The man of no courage and so far no consequences denoted by the book's title is supposed to be George W. Bush. In Rove's view, Bush was a dumb fuck he molded into a dumb fuck puppet an experiment that resulted in national insecurity and economic crises just as the Sage of Sparks intended.

Bush’ presidency was not error-free, Rove acknowledges. “Like Reagan, he could hardly dress himself but overall his accomplishments such as they were mine and if you’ll think about it for a minute perfectly in line with my sociopathic tendencies. As my loyal servant (and, not insignificantly, as the king I made out of shit), Rove has fashioned a portrait of the Bush presidency that aims to shape history in his Bush’s favor. But by doing so Rove is hard pressed to make the case that Bush given his IQ could have set in motion such a series of pathological and murderous events. It's the suicidal mother of all political bullshit sessions -- one for the ages that this bawler and whiner, still at heart the bloodied 9-year-old, seems determined nail down as this brutal legacy for himself. What’s this faggot got left but to look strong in the face of all the 9 year old girls in the world?