The Assassinated Press

In Poll Washington Post Employees Prefer Nicolas Maduro to Post Owner Jeff Bezos.
Bodies of elderly Amazon employees found dumped in the desert and made to look like migrants who died crossiing the border.

The Assassinated Press

In a recent internal poll conducted at the Washington Post 94% of Post employees chose Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro as their favorite tp lead them.

In a field of 100 imaginary owners current Post overlord Jeff Bezos came in 99th just before Nazi propaganda chief Josef Goebbels even finishing below the likes of Charles Koch and David Koch, faux philanthropist Bill Gates, robber Baron Jay Gould, serial killer and pederast John Wayne Gacy, Glenn Beck and the Wall Street swindler Jamie Dimon.

Maduro on the other hand finished second after Mother Teresa barely beating out Albert Schweitzer who finished third barely beating out Simon Bolivar. John Bertrand Aristide finished fifth just ahead of Abraham Lincoln and Malcolm X.

Bezos has severely slashed wages and pensions at the Post reducing staff and benefits. This in turn Has impoverished many long time Post employees causing them to lean toward more alturistic leaders such as Maduro who, like his Mentor Hugo Chavez, understands the plight of the poor and disenfranchised.

Even as the editorial staff at the Post plots another violent coup against the Venezuelan government with its long time parent company, the Company aka the CIA, its lowly reporters and other staff are being subjected to the same socio-pathological wrath that Bezos Amazon employees and affiliates are subjected to.

“Jeff is testy and downright cruel because none of his businesses, Amazon included, have ever shown a profit,” Wall Street guru Yaso Adiiodi told this reporter. “The guy doesn’t give a shit if his warehouse staffers are surveilled 24 hours a day, subjected to working conditions where the temperature can reach 120 degrees, forced to live in trailers in the desert 10 to a trailer all for $12.00 an hour and no benes. And still he can’t make the fucker work. Some business model. Huh?”

Now, Bezos wants to impoverish his employees at the Post the way he has everywhere else. And hence the result of the polling.

“That bald-headed shit is turning Post employees into a group of Castro loving Bolsheviks. If I were that asshole, I’d watch my back. The CIA and Wall Street may need a good propaganda hit down the road that dumb fuck might be the perfect turkey. I can see the headline now. Post owner stabbed by a cadre of his own reporters,” said Post writer Tilly Cimber. “I’ll do it myself if I get the chance.”

“After all the lying and murder we’ve done for this paper and its corporate elites and this is the way they treat us. Sell us to a sociopath with a dictator complex who couldn’t make a penny profit if he was robbing coins from dead people’s eyelids, “ longtime CIA shill and Post reporter Walter Pincus said.

“Bezos has no actual money. All of his money is tied up in Amazon stock and a collapse of that stock would leave him penniless. He has to borrow against his stocks to purchase a corn dog much less a $250 million purchase like the Post. And lenders are becoming leery as Amazon enters its 22 year without a profit. I fear his borrowing days are numbered and a collapse imminent,” Warren Buffett told the Assassinated Press.

Bezos company Blackn’Blue Origins has allied with arms makers Boeing and Lockheed Martin in order to bomb countries into buying Amazon. Amazon also has plans to enter the reconstruction business with the masters of war from Bechtel, Fluor and Halliburton to rebuild places they formerly destroyed.