The Assassinated Press

What Does It Say About Obama that He Would Choose Rick Warren, the Author of a Huckster Driven Driven Piece of Shit like “The Purpose Driven Life” to Give the Inaugural Blessing

By P.T. Bonum
The Assassinated Press

Let’s go beyond the quid pro quos and political bribes that inform Barack Obama’s move to have the fat evangelical fuck, Rick Warren, deliver the prayer invocation or whatever the shit its called at the Inauguration.

Why? Because if the book, “The Purpose Driven Life” is indicative of the man Warren is no more than a snake oil salesman and anyone who would associate with him is either a dumb fuck or a just as much of a hustler. How do you know the book is a hustle? It sold 40 million copies. In a market culture, intelligence is like a pyramid with the dumb gullible fucks at the bottom. So, as social Darwinism points out, this book has dumb fuck appeal not seen since the Bible.

Warren’s book also has the extra added irritation of being evangelical. I can’t think of anything that pisses me off more than some ignorant fop who doesn’t know a fraction of what I know because he’s had his head buried in the biblical sands, babbling on about being saved and giving life a purpose.

The only telos or purpose that can be derived from Warren’s drivel, and this goes for all of his books, is education. If people were truly educated they wouldn’t be gullible fops suckling at the tit of every Barnum and Ponzi that huckstered into town. Warren's a disease like syphillis. Penicllin cures syphyllis. Education cures Warren.

Then the dumb shit calls you a godless elitist because what else has he got. After all, he's a dumb shit.

Obama as a Dumb Fuck?

I don’t know how much Obama subscribes to Warren’s banal horseshit either in his book or in his sermons. I’m too old and too plugged into the stupidity of American pop culture to waste my time on the details writ in crayon and spray paint especially when they are layered from view by stucco after stucco of PR shit and impossible to discern anyway.

But just by association with Warren it can be inferred that perhaps Obama’s minions have over estimated his intelligence because Warren’s book and the so-called thoughts therein are pure ignorance wrapped in a collection of confused and self-contradictory metaphors and bromides. Pure snake oil. And ignorant drivel to boot. And did I mention repetitive?

So is Obama a dumb fuck to repeat myself? I have seen very little intellectual curiosity on Obama’s part. I don’t think its too much of a stretch to accept that Obama may be stupid enough at an introspective level to think that Warren’s writings ‘speak to him.’

I’ve heard Nobel Prize Winners in Physics, not literature mind you, praise the silly morality tales of Tagore and the Bible and other such literary bons bons and ancient folk sequences. But then again it’s a mistake to hold any winner of the Dynamite Prize in too high regard lest one one day encounters their product. This is especially true of dumb nut fuck prize winning asshole economists who have just bankrupted the world and stolen trillions. The young Nobel would have been truly proud not to mention his many clients.

Is Obama a Cunning Motherfucker?

Here there can be no doubt. Obama most definitely is a cunning motherfucker surrounded by other cunning motherfuckers. They pride themselves on their cunning far more than their integrity because their integrity is only rhetorical. And like all politicians they would do the flashy, sophisticated cunning thing over the right thing every time.

That would go a long way to explaining that fat fuck Warren. Warren uses Obama for his own purpose driven career. And Obama uses Warren for the same. Where god fits in? Well, god is a tool. A handy mythical trope that holds tremendous sway over the morons making it perhaps the optimum manipulative tool, a major appliance.

All religion is based on exploitation. The language of religion as say found in the Bible is intended for the stronger to manipulate the weaker. It’s a method to spice up with a few culturally inert fables.

In America an avowed atheist could not be elected to the highest secular office in the land. America is already a theocracy.

This isn’t missed on Obama. And therefore he's cunning enough to know that Warren is his kind of political stooge. The fact that Rick Warren has already been outed by several gay groups plays right into Obama's hands. By casting Warren into the spotlight, eventually the media will arise from their coke induced coma and begin their banshee reporting. Obama can say, "Hey, fuck. I didn't know. But see. I brought gay and evangelical together. Its a fucking miracle."

You can hear Obama and Rahm Emmanuel hashing it out. “Ah shit. We can take the gays for granted,” Rahm snickers. “Where the fuck else are they going to go. This asshole Warren has an ecological dimension. This will appeal to the homophobe engineers and mathematicians that infest the scientific community.”

“Yeah,” comments Obama. “And he can pull off the saccharin bullshit that he gives a shit about the poor in the developing world. That appeals to the bleeding hearts and cat lovers.”

“Cat lovers!? Where the fuck does he stand on animal rights because we have to be on the fence on that one because PETA just seems damn weird to the mainstream.”

“You know, Jeremiah Wright is a principled man,” Obama says.

“Well, fuck principle. The last thing America can stand is the truth,” Rahm says. “We need a lying fuck like Rick Warren, somebody America will swallow. We need somebody closer to the real Barack Obama.”

Disregarding shipping you can buy used copies of Warren’s “Purpose Driven Life” on the internet for less than a role of toilet paper. Warren gives instructions for readers to digest his massive tome over a 40 day period or some such horseshit.

I suggest you buy up used copies at one cent each and stack them next to your privy and use each day’s lesson to wipe your ass. In this way, you will fulfill one of fat fuck Rick’s other passions, I mean besides fleecing the rubes, ecology. By recycling Rick’s book as shit scrape, you’ll be saving a tree.