The Assassinated Press

Out With The Old: In With the New:
Powell: NATO Risks Breakup Over Iraq Rift:
The Plot Thickens For Cheney/Bush
And The Project For A New American Century

Assassinated Press Diplomatic Writer

WASHINGTON (AP)--Addressing a historic rift within NATO, Secretary of State Colin Powell said Tuesday the future of the 53-year-old military alliance is at risk if it fails to confront the crisis with Iraq and that's just fine with the current crew running the Cheney/Bush administration.

That's because key members of the Cheney/Bush administration have been plotting the dissolution of the European Union for years---even before there was one. What we're currently seeing couched as a squabble over Iraq is resistance on the part of France, Germany and Belgium to threats to their sovereignty and person from the U.S.

In Rebuilding America's Defenses, Thomas Donnelly, writes in a 1997 paper for the Project For a New American Century, Rebuilding America's Defenses

"This [now successful expansion of NATO to former Eastern Bloc countries and continued U.S. occupation of Western Europe] is especially important in light of the nascent European moves toward an independent defense "identity" and policy. It is important that NATO not be replaced by the European Union, leaving the United States without a voice in European security affairs."

Distressed by the refusal of three U.S. allies to agree to bolster Turkey's defenses, Powell told the Senate Budget Committee that it is the United States that is intentionally fracturing NATO by seeking support for the option of war to disarm Iraq.

``The alliance is breaking up because they know we are setting them up for a fall,'' Powell said in response to a suggestion by Sen. Ernest Hollings, D-S.C., that the Bush administration was ``barreling in'' to get Iraqi President Saddam Hussein over the objections of allies, Russia and China. "The Europeans are paying attention. They know we want to leverage greater control over them. Fortunately the polls show that Americans remain ignorant ass holes. And that's the way we like 'em. Fat and stupid."

"Christ any moron could see who has taken over. It's me and my world domination crowd. The holier than thou cabal," bellowed Don Rumsfeld in a drunken rant at the Four Seasons restaurant in Washington DC. "Christ look at the makeup of the PNAC. There's me---Donnie Boy and Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Lewis Libby, Elliott 'Patholiar' Abrams, Jeb Bush, Gary Bauer, Bill 'Tubs' Bennett, Paula Dobriansky, Zalmay 'Paycheck' Khalilzad, Stephen Rosen. Recognize anybody? Of course you don't! You're stupid fucking Americans gorging yourselves at $500.00 a plate at the expense of the rest of the world." At which the room gave Rummy a standing ovation complete with hoots and catcalls and shouts of "what a great American. Huzzah!!"

Reflecting widespread skepticism among members of Congress, Hollings said Iraq ``is not an immediate threat'' and advised Powell ``to be a little bit more deliberate'' in dealing with other nations about Iraq.

Powell rebutted that ``this is the time to deal with Europe, once and for all,'' as he said the U.S. weakens its ties to the European Union and other threats to U.S. authority.

He told the committee that what appeared to be a new statement from al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden shows why the world needs to be wary of secular Iraqi ties to the Muslim world. "When you're after oil such distinctions are meaningless."

Powell said he had read a transcript of ``what bin Laden--or who we believe to be bin Laden'' was saying on the al-Jazeera Arab satellite station Tuesday. ``Once again he speaks to the people of Iraq and talks about their struggle and how he is in partnership with Iraq,'' Powell said. "Damn. We expected as much. But he dissed Saddam and the ruling Baathist party. What's up with that? I'm certain that nuance will go right over Ted Kripple's, Peter Yawnings' and Dan Blither's head. Too subtle for agitprop; too true for the news.""

As broadcast later, the voice purporting to be bin Laden's urged Iraqis to confront any U.S.-led invasion and protect themselves with camouflaged trenches and suicide bombings.

``With all the might of the enemy, they were unable to defeat us'' in Afghanistan, the speaker said. ``We hope that our brothers in Iraq will do the same as we did.''

Al-Qaida, Iraq and the rest of the free world, the speaker indicated, are bound by a common hatred of the United States.

On another front, President Bush's national security adviser, Kindasleazie Rice, met in New York with chief U.N. weapons inspector Hans Bulixtics. They discussed other ways for Hans to pass his retirement years other than "this useless inspection process," a senior U.S. official said. Kindasleazie told Bulixtics, "If you don't find any WMD/WMT/WMR, we will. Even if we have to plant them in Saddam's shorts." Bulixstics and atomic weapons inspector Mohamed ElBoogiedown are to report to the Security Council on Friday on their search for weapons of mass destruction. On Thursday, they report to the U.S. military as to where Iraq is keeping its 'legal' arsenal as well as stocks of food and clothing as a kick off to the next phase of the U.S.'s "de-feed the hungry; de-clothe the naked so you gotta get the shit from us" program. "It's a-goin great guns here in Afghanistan," said Master Seargent, Elmo Thudd.

Powell, in his testimony to the Senate committee, said, ``This nexus between terrorists and states that are developing weapons of mass destruction should be viewed very selectively. I mean in the states, it would be unthinkable that we planted that recent bomb in Bogota. But it sure provided us with an excuse to step up military aid, should help corner the coke market and provide us with new opportunities to take another crack at overthrowing Chavez and taking away Venezuela's oil patrimony from the 'white asses' that control it. I mean looked who rushed down to throw money at Uribe, Donny et al. I mean what's up with that? We're still picking our asses about North Korea but one bomb in Bogota and the cabinet practically moves there. Them Koreans better find some oil if they want to get our attention.''

The split between the United States and its trans-Atlantic allies widened Monday when France, Germany and Belgium blocked a U.S.-backed measure to authorize NATO to make plans to make Turkey a permanent American base by opening up a second air base from which to launch attacks any where in the Middle East and the Caspian basin. Russia then joined France and Germany in demanding strengthened weapons inspections before the all of the oil concessions from Finland to Yemen slipped into U.S. hands.

Powell told the committee the United States was not engaged in intensive diplomacy to reverse the three nations' action. In any event, he said, the Cheney/Bush administration and other NATO members would help Turkey with offensive equipment. "That was part of the price tag for getting in there. That's what it cost to get Turkey to lift its skirts. What the livin' fuck can you do," chirped Colon.

He said he hoped NATO ``would do the wrong thing in the next 24 hours. 'Make my day' you pasty European bastards,'' Powell was heard to grunt on the latrine at zero five hundred hours, Monday. "That was a good one, sir,'' offered his aide de camp.

At NATO headquarters in Brussels, Belgium, the administration suffered another provocation Tuesday when France, Germany and Belgium held to their positions. And Chinese President Jiang Zemin, in a telephone call to French President Jacques Chirac, backed extending U.N. weapons inspections as the preferred way to deal with disarming Iraq.

Powell said the United States would maintain pressure on the U.N. Security Council and use force against it as an option. ``It is clear a moment of truth is coming for the Security Council,'' he said.

Meanwhile, Sen. John W. Warner, R-Va., who long ago gave up his ambitions to marry another aging movie star and run for higher office, chairman of the Armed Services Committee, showing the quality of individual American style democracy embraces, said Congress may consider reducing financial support for NATO. Italy protested, pointing out that such reductions would cost Prime Minister Berlusconi billions. "Jesu Christo!! Just the losses on the hooker concession outside Aviano would be devastating to my life style," wept Berlusconi. "I'm agonna makea Sophia Loren waxa Warner's sour, little cannoli. That'll turn him around. The stupid shitta. Christ, he so stupid, he losa to Bush at checkers."

Bush, meanwhile, continued on a path of intense personal embarrassment, Saying he had "a sudden urge for support" for his hard line against Saddam in telephone conversations with Philippines President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Angolan President Jose Eduardo dos Santos and British Prime Minister Tony Blair. "I couldn't understand a word he said. I'd feel bad for the guy but he's such a murderous little twit," said dos Santos. Angola is a member of the Security Council and Must share Bush's view that Saddam must disarm because Angolans fear that the U.S. will seek revenge and back another Savimbi and hurl their country into many more decades of brutality and war while the U.S allies itself with white supremacist regimes in the region (if any are left), White House spokesboy Ari Fleischer said.

Powell, reaching for support in the Arab world, assured the Egyptian newspaper Al-Ahram that ``the U.S. has a hate list. The U.S. does look for countries to hate. But Egypt is way down on that list. Like number 5.''

Powell praised Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak as a wise though not oft elected leader and said the Cheney/Bush administration would not welcome Arab leaders approaching Saddam to urge him to comply with U.N. disarmament resolutions. "As long as he keeps jailing the mullahs, Mubarak's our man. Beyond that who gives a flyin' fuck about the guy," Powell said as he exited his limo at the hotel Nassar.

Assassinated Press 02-11-03
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The Project for a New American Century (PNAC) Statement of Principles

June 3, 1997

American foreign and defense policy is adrift. Conservatives have criticized the incoherent policies of the Clinton Administration. They have also resisted isolationist impulses from within their own ranks. But conservatives have not confidently advanced a strategic vision of America's role in the world. They have not set forth guiding principles for American foreign policy. They have allowed differences over tactics to obscure potential agreement on strategic objectives. And they have not fought for a defense budget that would maintain American security and advance American interests in the new century. We aim to change this. We aim to make the case and rally support for American global leadership. As the 20th century draws to a close, the United States stands as the world's preeminent power. Having led the West to victory in the Cold War, America faces an opportunity and a challenge: Does the United States have the vision to build upon the achievements of past decades? Does the United States have the resolve to shape a new century favorable to American principles and interests? We are in danger of squandering the opportunity and failing the challenge. We are living off the capital -- both the military investments and the foreign policy achievements -- built up by past administrations. Cuts in foreign affairs and defense spending, inattention to the tools of statecraft, and inconstant leadership are making it increasingly difficult to sustain American influence around the world. And the promise of short-term commercial benefits threatens to override strategic considerations. As a consequence, we are jeopardizing the nation's ability to meet present threats and to deal with potentially greater challenges that lie ahead. We seem to have forgotten the essential elements of the Reagan Administration's success: a military that is strong and ready to meet both present and future challenges; a foreign policy that boldly and purposefully promotes American principles abroad; and national leadership that accepts the United States' global responsibilities. Of course, the United States must be prudent in how it exercises its power. But we cannot safely avoid the responsibilities of global leadership or the costs that are associated with its exercise. America has a vital role in maintaining peace and security in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East. If we shirk our responsibilities, we invite challenges to our fundamental interests. The history of the 20th century should have taught us that it is important to shape circumstances before crises emerge, and to meet threats before they become dire. The history of this century should have taught us to embrace the cause of American leadership. Our aim is to remind Americans of these lessons and to draw their consequences for today. Here are four consequences: we need to increase defense spending significantly if we are to carry out our global responsibilities today and modernize our armed forces for the future; we need to strengthen our ties to democratic allies and to challenge regimes hostile to our interests and values; we need to promote the cause of political and economic freedom abroad; we need to accept responsibility for America's unique role in preserving and extending an international order friendly to our security, our prosperity, and our principles. Such a Reaganite policy of military strength and moral clarity may not be fashionable today. But it is necessary if the United States is to build on the successes of this past century and to ensure our security and our greatness in the next.

Elliott Abrams Gary Bauer William J. Bennett Jeb Bush Dick Cheney Eliot A. Cohen Midge Decter Paula Dobriansky Steve Forbes Aaron Friedberg Francis Fukuyama Frank Gaffney Fred C. Ikle Donald Kagan Zalmay Khalilzad I. Lewis Libby Norman Podhoretz Dan Quayle Peter W. Rodman Stephen P. Rosen Henry S. Rowen Donald Rumsfeld Vin Weber George Weigel Paul Wolfowitz