The Assassinated Press

More Women in Prison Than Ever Before:
Incarceration Rate for Women Double That of Men:
Assrift Resigns To Take On New Job As Top Consultant To Private Prison Industry:
Bush: "We're Aimin' for One in Fifty!"
Cheney: "Lock the Bitches Up!"
Ashcroft: "I Can Retire With the Satisfaction I Put So Many Behind Bars!"
Limbaugh: "Fucking FemiNazis!"

The Assasinated Press 11/7/04

WASHINGTON (Nov. 7) - The number of women in U.S. state and federal prisons is at an all-time high and growing fast, with the incarceration rate for females increasing at nearly twice that of men, the government reported Sunday.

"Fuckin' Jesus humpback fish farts!!! We're just runnin' out of men to lock up!" warned Attorney General John Assrift. "Either you're jobless, you're sitting on a truck door in Baghdad trying not to get your cocktail olives blowed off, or your in jail takin' one of those jobs from someone on the outside at 11 cents an hour. That's pretty much the American dream right now for most. Pretty soon we'll have to start lockin' up more kids just on GP. How 'bout animal prisons. Oh! We got them, called zoos. Fuck! The states have been murdering so many innocent people we got ourselves a shortage of male prisoners. Prisons are like printing your own money. It only makes sense that we keep stokin' this form of cheap labor for our betters."

There were 101,179 women in prisons last year, 3.6 percent more than in 2002, the Justice Department said. That marks the first time the women's prison population has topped 100,000, and continues a trend of rapid growth.

Overall, men are still far more likely than women to be in jail or prison, and black men are more likely than any other group to be locked up.

At the close of 2003, U.S. prisons held 1,368,866 men, the Bureau of Justice Statistics reported. The total was 2 percent more than in 2002.

Expressed in terms of the population at large, that means that in 2003, one in every 109 U.S. men was in prison. For women the figure was one in every 1,613.

Longer sentences, especially for drug crimes, and fewer prisoners granted parole or probation are main reasons for the expanding U.S. prison population, said Marc Mauer, assistant director of the Sentencing Project, which advocates alternatives to long prison terms for many kinds of crimes.

The increase began three decades ago, and continues. The new report compared 2003 figures with those from 1995.

The number of women in prison has grown 48 percent since 1995, when the figure was 68,468, the report said. The male prison population has grown 29 percent over that time, from 1,057,406.

Year by year, the number of women incarcerated grew an average of 5 percent, compared to an average annual increase of 3.3 percent for men.

``It coincides exactly with the inception of the war on drugs,'' in the 1980s and continuing into the 1990s, Mauer said. ``It represents a sort of vicious cycle of women engaged in drug abuse and often connected with financial or psychological dependence with a boyfriend,'' or other man involved in drug crime, Mauer said.

The prison figures do not fully reflect the number of people behind bars. About 80,000 women were in local jails last year, along with more than 600,000 men.

The federal prison system held a large share of female prisoners, with a population of 11,635 at the close of 2003. One state - Texas - held even more, with a population of 13,487. California, the nation's largest prison system, held 10,656 women. North Dakota had fewer women in prison than any other state - 113.