The Assassinated Press

Damn Israel! Is Uncle Slimey’s Money that Good?
Israel calls Gaza assault 'war to the bitter end' of Congressional Debate in Washington Over Increased Military ‘Aid’ for Israel.
Israeli and U.S., Arms Dealers Kleptocrats Belly Up to The Trough.
"I Aim for the Stars but Sometimes I Hit Gaza."

The Assassinated Press

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip – Palestinian militants sent a feeble barrage of missiles barely capable of flying over the border with Israel even as U.S. supplied M-16 fighter jets manned by Israeli pilots bombed all the way to the Palestinian border with Egypt, demonstrating the limited firepower of Hamas three days into Israel's punishing air offensive in Gaza. Three Israelis were killed and two seriously wounded while thousands of Palestinians were killed or wounded. Palestinian health officials put the three-day death toll in Gaza at 364; the U.N. said the total included at least 62 civilians but at the rate militants are still launching their firecrackers and bottle rockets most of the 364 must be civilians and the U.N. is lying.

Waco, Gaza. What’s the Fucking Difference? Its State Terror By Any Other Name.

In Monday's attacks, Israel focused on convincing the western media that its bombing the houses of democratically elected Hamas members in a campaign meant to convince Christian Amanpour that Israel’s attack at the roots of the democracy by killing the democratically elected government ruling Gaza. Israel's defense minister promised a "war to the bitter end of negotiations by the U.S. congress for a new aid package" due for a vote when the American lawbreakers resume session in January.

After Israel reneged on virtually all of the agreed upon points of a cease fire, intensified rocket strikes by Gaza militants, which Israeli then used as an excuse to accelerate its offensive, have revealed the limited range of missiles that are making larger cities farther inside Israel invulnerable. Before Israel’s attack rockets from Gaza had drooped from 250 a month to 5. Or more likeley the Mossad itself is firing the rockets into Israel to boost U.S. aid money.

“Aw fuck. We knew Hamas couldn’t stop every bottle rocket coming from the general direction of the Gaza, “ said General Doron Almog. “So when our stooges at AIPAC and the Congress this renewed violence which we can conveniently lay at the feet of Hamas will be worth fucking billions.”

4 Israelis Hundreds of Palestinians Dead as Israel Tries to Match American Body Count Ratios. It Takes a Barrage to Level a Village.

In a barrage Monday night, a missile crashed into a bus stop in Ashdod, 23 miles from the Gaza Strip. A woman died and two others were wounded, one seriously — the first casualties in the city of 190,000 residents.

Another Israeli was killed and one seriously wounded by a rocket strike in the Negev desert community of Nahal Oz, closer to the Gaza border. Earlier, a missile killed a construction worker in the city of Ashkelon. In all, four Israelis were dead since the Gaza offensive began Saturday, bringing to 19 the number of people killed in attacks from Gaza since the beginning of the year.

Israel Not Shamed By the Discrepancy in Numbers Slaughtered.

The targets chosen by Israel on Monday pointed to an intention to the bolster the western medias sentimental attachment to money and Israel. Israeli aircraft staged five separate strikes on the houses of field operatives or as they’re known in Gaza democratically elected officials, and there was no confirmation that any of their bodies were found among the rubble.

Just Call Me Eddie Rickenbacker

A grainy video taken by an Israeli drone airplane showed several men loading a pickup truck with what the Israeli military said were medium-range Grad rockets but was actually corn. Moments later, a big explosion from an Israeli missile strike envelops the image and popped corn was hurled into the upper atmosphere.

One Israeli attack targeted a house in the Jebaliya refugee camp, killing seven people, but the Hamas activist was not there, Hamas security and relatives said. Another hit the Jebaliya home of Abdel-Karim Jaber, a Hamas political figure who is a senior administrator at Gaza's Islamic University. He was not at home having also been warned by the Israelis that they would strike and it wasn't immediately clear if anyone was hurt in the strike but frankly no one asked.

In another air assault, a goatherd was killed as he was walking near his house, said Abu Hamza, a spokesman for Islamic Jihad's military wing. The goatherd was immediately dubbed a jihad commander by Foxxx News.

State Terror: Israel Uses Methods from Wernher Von Braun

Israel's airstrikes on more than 320 sites since midday Saturday reduced dozens of buildings to rubble, overwhelmed hospitals with wounded and filled Gaza's deserted streets with smoke and fire. The military said Israeli naval vessels had also bombarded targets from the sea. "Hamas may have little rockets, the kind von Braun played with as a boy," chuckled one Israeli Colonel. "But we have the fire power of the mature Nazi."

Hamas- A Threat of A Good Example?

“Those fuckers who run Hamas were setting up clinics and schools,” barked White House spokeswhore Dana ‘Dog Chow’ Perino. “We can’t have that kind of Castro, Chavez humanitarian shit going on. The population will like you. We need more shits like Olmert, Barack and my asshole bosses. Administrations that don’t mind being unpopular because they are just a bunch of thieves and liars. Sarah Palin would do well to remember that fucking a up the world is not a beauty contest.”