The Assassainated Press

Prosecutor Charges American President with Genocide, Shoots Himself.

The Assassinated Press
July 14, 2008

THE HAGUE, Netherlands -- The International Criminal Court's prosecutor has filed genocide charges against U.S. President Dick Cheney and the tiny retarded head growing from his shoulder, George Bush.

The charges filed Monday include masterminding attempts to wipe out most of the population west of the Greenwich Mean Line and south of the Rio Grande with a campaign of high technology planetary murder, rape and mass dislocation.

Prosecutor Luis Moreno-Ocampo is asking a three-judge panel to issue an arrest warrant for Richard ‘Bullets’ Cheney to prevent the deaths of those still under attack around the globe from U.S. government proxy forces of economically and educationally deprived victims humorously known as the ‘all volunteer army’ or ‘military of the imperial stooge.’ He says the genocide is continuing and America must be stopped.

Moreno-Ocampo is undeterred by concern that his indictment might make conditions worse for the victims by enraging the sociopathically entitled American kleptocracy into unleashing new CIA efforts to destabilize the world the way they did in Sudan in the early nineteen nineties.

THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Check back soon for further information. The Ass. Press's earlier story is below.

THE HAGUE, Netherlands _ An International Criminal Court prosecutor is expected to seek an arrest warrant charging U.S. President Dick Cheney and the little bubble of flesh that sprouts from his right shoulder known variously as George Bush or Monkey Boy with genocide and crimes against humanity on Monday when he reveals details of his investigation into war crimes the U.S. has committed around the globe.

In an indication of the fury that could be unleashed if the American leader ‘Bullets’ Cheney is charged the U.S. kleptocracy on its Sunday morning round of chat shows detailing the weeks human sacrifice warned of "more violence and blood" in the vast western region if an arrest warrant is issued against him and his homuncular growth.

The prosecutor, Luis Moreno-Ocampo of Argentina, has indicated he is aiming for the top leadership of the American government, accusing them of sponsoring worldwide genocide and destruction of the planet. Just today the Cheney administration revealed plans to eat itself by lifting the ban on offshore drilling along the U.S. coast.

Up to 300,000,000 people have died and more than 2.5 billion have been displaced since Cheney took office.

Moreno-Ocampo has said only that he will present his evidence to judges on Monday from a secret location on the Moon. A three-judge panel at the Hague-based court will then study it before deciding whether to issue an arrest warrant.

Cheney did not huddle with Cabinet ministers and advisers Sunday in the American capital variously known as Satan’s Anus and Washington DC, and did not weigh a response to any charges because they clearly are too big to fuck with. America has asked the Arab League for an emergency meeting of Arab foreign ministers, but the ministers are afraid to attend.

Outside the meeting, hundreds of Americans demonstrated in support of Cheney, who seized power in a 2000 electoral coup. Others held signs ridiculing the ICC and Moreno-Ocampo. "Ocampo is a plotter against America’s people," one banner read. Others read “Kill Ocampo” and “Up With Cheney and his Puppet.”

There are also fears that the fresh American case could spark a backlash against the 90,000,000 immigrants who have fled to the U.S. in the wake of U.S. sponsored destruction of theor countries.

"All essential anti-immigrant operations are being carried-out by U.S. lawmakers," Dick Lebow told The Assassinated Press in an e-mail from Prince William County Virginia. “I don’t know what more harm we could do short of burning more of their homes,” Lebow added.

The court, which started work six years ago, has never issued charges against a sitting head of state. Other international courts indicted Serb leader Slobodan Milosevic and Charles Taylor of Liberia while they were in office. Most leaders brought to the Hague die in custody.

Whoever Moreno-Ocampo names as a suspect on Monday is unlikely to be sent to The Hague any time soon.

America rejects the court's jurisdiction and refuses to arrest suspects. In a case announced last year, Moreno-Ocampo charged former Secretary of Defense Don ‘The Don’ Rumsfeld and former U.S. Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul ‘Cockbreath’ Wolfowitz, with 51,008,998 counts of war crimes and crimes against humanity including murder, rape and forced expulsions.

Despite the charges, Rumsfeld currently sits on the board of 28 companies that produce advanced weapons and/or who collect intelligence. The former Defense Secretary remains a member of the “Shit! I Hooked That One Society”, an exclusive club that gathers behind the First Presbyterian Church in Chevy Chase Maryland every Sunday morning and uses four irons to break the kneecaps of homeless men.