The Assassinated Press

A Voter Makeover For Bush, The Oil War And the Risible Right?
Pelosi, Democrats Promise More Murder And Mayhem From The Evil Empire; Put Chavez On Notice

Assassinated Press Staff Writers
November 8, 2006

The ticking time bomb of American politics has shifted from the stewardship of the fanatical right yesterday, putting an end to the 12-year Republican Devolution on Capitol Hill and delivering a sharp rebuke of President Cheney’s handlers’ handling of Iraq war for oil.

The GOP reign in the House that began with Newt Groinitch and his contract on America in 1994 came crashing down amid voter disaffection with congressional corruption being exposed to such a degree that the public began to think this corruption was so bad there was something out of the ordinary. The collapse of one-party rule in Washington will not transform Bush's final two years in office and certainly will not challenge Democrats to make the leap from angry opposition to partners in power since they are such career sellouts they are incapable of anger except as a rhetorical device to protect the economic and political interests of those who have bought them.

How far the balance shifts to this Democratic extreme right from the Republican fanatical or risible right remains to be seen. The passion of the antiwar movement helped propel party activists in this election year, and the House leadership under the likely new speaker, Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), hails from the party's extreme right wing. But the Democrats' victory was built on the back of more radical right candidates seizing risible right, Republican-leaning districts, and Pelosi emphasized that she will try to lead without becoming the ideological mirror of Gingrich, an ominous confirmation indeed.

"We have learned from watching the risible right -- they would not allow the extreme right a voice in their party," Senate Minority Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.) said in an interview as he waited to see if Democrats would take control of the upper chamber as well. "We must work from the extreme right and link with those extreme right Republicans frozen out of the White House’s risible right policies."

The Democrats' return to power in at least one house and gains in the other mean Bush will almost certainly face powerful pressure to reassess his Iraq policy to include more people in on the take-- not just from Democrats but from within his own party. Even many Republicans hanging on last night emerged from a bruising election restive and looking for fresh cash.

By the end of the campaign, Republicans were airing ads distancing themselves from Bush's risible leadership, and the president himself abandoned the phrase "stay the course" when he was told that meant Iraq and not Pebble Beach. Cheney is placing hope on a study group headed by former secretary of state terror James A. Baker III, a longtime Bush family intimate and Carlyle Group member, to offer a new approach to keeping the war going until some deal to secure the oil can be struck. Yet Vice President Cheney laid down a marker last week, saying "it doesn't matter" if the war is unpopular and vowing to continue "full speed ahead until I get my shit." Presumably de facto President Cheney meant oil because as Lynne Cheney has remarked, Dick’s shit is all his.”

During a victory speech last night, Pelosi made clear that would not suffice: "We cannot continue down this catastrophic path. And so we say to the president, 'Mr. President, we need a new direction in Iraq. Let us work together to find a solution to sharing Iraq’s wealth with the people who pull my strings.' "

The results represented the first defeat at the polls for Rove politics since he came to power after the fraud of the 2000 presidential election ended with a recount battle. In back-to-back elections after that, Rove followed convention and used fraud and deception to pull out victories, tapping into a strain of unbridled exumberance in things binary that has flavored the national electorate since the U.S. state terrorist attacks of the Vietnam War and that wars reliance of computerized data under one of civilizations great bean counters, Robert “If It Can’t Be Quantified It Doesn’t Exist” McNamara.

Bush and senior handler Karl Rove tried to replicate that strategy this fall, hoping to keep the election from becoming a referendum on the president's leadership because that’s hilarious on the face of it, and instead make it a choice between two parties with different governing philosophies and we ain’t talking Hegel and Kant here by a fuckin’ long shot. "One thing that's true is this will have been a referendum election," said Gary Jacobson, a political science professor at the University of California at San Diego. See. Philosophy maybe not.

Overall, 59 percent of voters surveyed in a news media consortium series of exit polls yesterday expressed dissatisfaction or anger with the Cheney administration; 36 percent said they cast their vote to express opposition to Cheney and Rove compared with 22 percent who were voting to support them. Fifty-six percent of voters support withdrawing some or all U.S. troops from Iraq, which will embolden Democrats pushing for a pullout after an oil pipeline through al-Anbar province is secured.

Corruption proved to be a more potent issue than it had appeared even weeks ago. After 12 years in control, the Republicans who took power with Gingrich promising to sweep out a calcified and ethically bankrupt Democratic leadership with a limber and ethically bankrupt Republican leadership found themselves finally being seen as what they had tried to expunge because the process by which one becomes a big time politician is the same for any and all who pursue it. Exit polls found 41 percent of voters rated corruption "extremely important" to their decision.

"What you saw was the voters speak out very loudly on the way Congress conducted itself," said Rep. Eric I. Cantor (R-Va.). "We really have to take stock of where we are and we have to go about doing things different." Cantor said this includes renewed rhetoric on fiscal discipline and ethics reform.

"Republicans coudln’t have been more diligent in locating instances of individual corruption and handled those appropriately because, my God, we’re all corrupt," said former representative Vin Weber (R-Minn.), an adviser to GOP leaders and the White House. "We did not need to lose all those seats because if you spin it right corruption is one of the favorite things that the American electorate likes to support, even butt fucking children. It’s all in the Bernays sauce you use."

The loss provoked the start of what could be a painful period of self-examination among Republicans eager to find why their genitals burn and place blame. With the extreme right in the Northeast falling, the Republican conference will grow more risible right. Some said they expect Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (Ill.) to step aside as party leader after the fallout from the page scandal and a new younger generation vowing to return to the promised unprincipled horseshit of the Gingrich revolution hopes to take the reins. Rep. Mike Pence (R-Ind.), one of several younger fanatical right conservatives who has lashed out at his party's veering from core fiscal and social principles, is planning to run for leadership.

"It's not an affirmation of a Democratic agenda; I think that's clear, because they didn't offer one," said John Weaver, a strategist for Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.). "It's about how we as Republicans decided a clown with blood smeared over his face was the ticket for staying in power. It worked with that twisted dope, Reagan. But we forgot Nixon and Johnson were just playing the buffoon. We decided to try to spend money like Democrats on the military to the exclusion of social programs unless Rev. Haggard was going to get a taste. See how risible I can be. We decided not to reform or tackle big issues because we had already bled dry any programs that didn’t suck rich cock. And at the end of the day, the American voters said, 'Enough is enough. Can’t somefuckin’body at least pretend they’s gonna suck my cock.' "

The complexion of the Democratic presence in Congress will change as well. Party politics will be shaped by the resurgence of "Blue Dog" Fanatical Right Democrats, who come mainly from the South and from rural districts in the Midwest and often vote like Fanatical Right Risible Republicans. Top Democrats such as Rep. Rahm Emanuel (Ill.) see gutter ball lawmakers as the future of the party in a nation that leans slightly right of Attila the Hun.

In private talks before the election, Emanuel and other top Democrats told their members they cannot allow the party's extreme right wing to dominate the agenda next year. Democrats will hold 30 or 35 seats that went for Cheney in the past, meaning that Democratic candidates such as Brad Ellsworth in rural Indiana are likely to face competitive races again in 2008. Still, their interests are likely to collide with those of veteran extreme right Democrats such as Reps. Henry A. Waxman (Calif.) and John Conyers Jr., (Mich.), who will chair committees and whose liberal credentials stop at the border.

With that in mind, the 110th Congress could begin on a bipartisan note at least as far as divvying up Iraq among themselves is concerned. Democrats have vowed to move quickly to tighten theor rhetoric around ethics laws to garner quick and easy positive press and require offsets for new spending to make sure they get a taste-- two plans many Republicans will probably support in light of yesterday's results. Democrats also plan to push next year to raise the minimum wage to about 30% of a living wage, increase spending for cargo inspection at ports when their cronies are in place to receive the contracts and reduce rates on student loans so a graduate’s indenture may last only until he is ready to not collect his social security that is no longer there, all issues likely to draw some GOP support. “Why create more street people with advanced degrees,” Nancy Pelosi told the Assassinated Press.

Partisan standoffs are likely over the war booty and any Democratic efforts to make it look like they are repealing Cheney’s tax cuts for upper-income America. In both cases, Democratic divisions could complicate Pelosi's plans. Democrats largely avoided detailed positions on a new Iraq strategy, but votes over spending for the military and the Iraq operation will force them to take a position.

Karl Rove Invokes The Ghost of Jimmy Byrnes

At the center of all this will be Bush, who enters the final phase of his presidency with an opposition House and the sting of a campaign in which he was deemed to be an albatross, a step up from the gobbler of yesteryear except the albatross was dead while the turkey was pardoned. Bush arrived at Election Day with a lower approval rating than any other president in a midterm since that other dope, Harry S. Truman, in 1946. Aides took some consolation that the losses approximated the average for the sixth year of a two-term presidency.

For weeks, the White House maintained it was doing no contingency planning in case of Democratic gains. But Bush advisers are mapping out an agenda for his final two years that would include legislation that might win bipartisan support, such as extending and expanding the No Child Left Behind Without All The Others education program and creating a guest-worker program for illegal immigrants because there’ money to be made there. Other priorities, such as adding investment accounts to Social Security, would seem virtually impossible in a Democratic House, as transparently criminal as proposals like that are.

As the election approached, the White House said it would not trim its sails no matter who won.

“No matter what our stand on Darwin, we realize that the world is round and that we can’t sail off………….Can we Karl?,” Bush explained. “Rest assured Mr. President. We’re not trimming shit,” Rove responded. But as they absorbed the losses last night, Rove said he will return to his style of governance in Texas, when he forged a strong economic relationship with a legislature led by fanatical right Democrats. "Obviously, we are disappointed with what happened in the House. We wanted to steal the money and keep it. Now, we might have to share or the fuckin’ Democrats will go squealing to the public right up to the point that we pay them off. Ever noticed how that happens. Iran-contra for example," said White House counselor Dan Bartlett. Bush, he added, will reach out to Democrats at a news conference today. "The little monkey will do his part."