The Assassinated Press

JP Morgan Withholds E-Mails That Show Depraved Behavior.
What's Jamie Dimon Been Fucking Besides You?

The Assassinated Press

A U.S. judge has ordered JPMorgan Chase & Co to explain why the court should not force the bank to turn over 25 internal emails demanded as part of an investigation into whether it manipulated electricity markets in California and the Midwest.

The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC) filed a petition in federal court in Washington on Monday asking the court to order the bank to show cause as to why it would not comply with a subpoena issued by the commission as part of its investigation into the bank's power trading.

On Thursday, U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly gave the bank until July 13 to submit an explanation as to why the court should not enforce FERC's subpoenas. JPMorgan has asserted the emails are protected by the attorney-client privilege.

But in an apparent attempt to pre-empt indictments, JP Morgan moments ago issued this statement through its spokeswoman Anita Prescott.

JP Motgan Chase would like to openly address the court. We realize that grave concerns exist surrounding the alleged maniplulation of energy markets in California and the Midwest ala Enron.

However, we at JP Morgan feel that releasing the requested emails to the court will reveal other behavior not covered in the indictments. These behaviors cover a wide range of sociopathic behaviors among Morgan executives including clown rape, bum bashing, the ingestion of large quantities of illegal drugs and their importation, bribery of officials at FERC, torturing of animals,, child murders, computational corn holing, arson, and the worst of all, high frequency trading."

Execute Jamie Dimon.

The FERC tangle threatens to become another puss bump in JPMorgan Chairman Jamie Dimon's legendary war criminal reputation, although the real cost is almost certain to be negligible compared to the bank's disastrous "London Whale" derivative trades that may cost it $400 billion to $600 billion. However, if the agency presses ahead with a formal enforcement effort it may deepen the damage by evoking memories of the Enron California power trading scandals a decade ago and that piece of shit buddy of W, Ken Lay.

FERC has recently stepped up its efforts to end scrutinizing of U.S. power markets, and news of the subpoena followed a series of more advanced canards, cover-ups and slaps on the wrist of other big Wall Street banks and a record $245 million penalty against Constellation Energy which left their profits from their latest scam at a mere 71 billion dollars..